ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel


Updated on April 22, 2013


Maybe you’ve been cheated on, lied to, had a crime committed against you. Perhaps someone was cruel to you, you’ve been beaten even. All of these and many more things constitute victim status.

Status is one thing but do you have a victim mentality? A lot of people, particularly women, develop a craving for sympathy and become hooked on displaying their grief and emotional turmoil to anyone who will listen. Unfortunately they never seem to move on and recover from this and remain a victim for the long haul; passively allowing life to just happen to them.


10 signs you may have a victim mentality

  • Lack of resilience or the ability to ‘bounce back’
  • Things get ‘done’ to you
  • Blaming other people and refusing to accept responsibility for anything
  • Self pity
  • Feeling helpless
  • Low self esteem
  • Complaining of the bad things that ‘happen’ to you
  • Your glass is always half empty
  • Passivity
  • Feeling powerless
  • Expecting things to go wrong
  • Seeing things in black and white, right and wrong, with no grey areas
  • Always having bad luck



The main characteristic of victim mentality is powerlessness to do anything about it. This combined with a feeling of helplessness where, even if the means were there to overcome it, you probably wouldn’t do anything.

Everyone feels temporarily defeated from time to time but at some point will summon the strength to change things. This type of powerlessness and helplessness is different in that it isn’t temporary in nature. It has a greater degree of permanence – sometimes lasting a lifetime.

To break free from a victim mentality takes a significant shift in how you think about things. It is not easy and some people will prefer to stay in their passive hopeless state. It is all about changing your normal thinking patterns and will take some conscious effort on your part.

Here are a few suggestions:

  • Set personal boundaries – Think about things that are not acceptable to you and refuse to allow the other person to do or say them without consequences. The consequence may be as simple as you walking away from the situation.
  • Try not to think about the thing that has happened to you as something in the now; consign it to the past which is where it belongs.
  • When something ‘happens’ to you, try to analyse whether it did indeed just happen to you or whether you may have had some part in the event. Acknowledge that you had a part in it, however small.
  • If someone else had a part in things then try to forgive them and remember that this is not happening now, it is in the past and needs to stay there.
  • Watch documentaries about third world countries, famine, war etc. and compare your life with theirs. Feel privileged that you are not as unlucky as the people in the documentary.
  • Take responsibility for your life – only you are responsible for where you are now


What to do if you can’t break free

Seek professional help. There are therapies that can make overcoming being a victim easier. Speak to your doctor and asked to be referred for CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). This therapy is based on the premise that what you think and believe influences how you behave and act. Another therapy is Neuro-Linguistic Programming which may be helpful. NLP is a linguistic technique which reprograms the way the brain behaves in certain situations and encourages thinking in different ways.

© Susan Bailey 2013 All Rights Reserved


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)