Cheaper Than Therapy

Before you diagnose yourself with low self esteem, determine whether in fact you are just, surrounded by assholes.

The above is the Best cheaper than therapy tip EVER. To elaborate, I find most of the time when I feel like shit within any kind of relationship, it was by design of the other person. They want to feel superior, or dominant, because they themselves feel threatened, bored, inferior, or cannot get out of the victim role themselves. I find this true in romantic relationships, family relationships, co-worker and boss to employee relationships. Not all relationships are bad. In fact, many are positively rewarding. But if someone is pointing at you as the reason they are unhappy, say “I’m sorry, but let’s examine why you need to be pointing that at yourself.“

Focus on the here and now. That is the number one thing you can do for yourself in any given moment that will always reflect and create a positive mental health. For many people this is the hardest lesson they will ever have to overcome in life. Some people spends hundreds to thousands of dollars on therapy, and even after years and years of crappy therapists, they’ve never once been taught this most important fundament of mental health. Me personally, I’ve learned it and forgotten it, and had to be taught all over again. The magic of mental health is to regularly practice it. It‘s not a pill you take once and then cured. You have to practice it every day, all the time. Or else you will forget the process, and slip back into that same old anxiety and worry that eats one from the inside out.

Ready to learn? Good.

You start with a literal practice exercise and go from there. Where are you right now? Me, I’m supported on a mattress on a bed on a bed frame on the floor of my house. I am protected by four walls. Protected from what? My outside is very hot as it’s summer. How do you feel? Me, I feel relaxed. It’s Saturday and there’s not many obligations on my calendar today. What am I thinking about? I’m thinking I might get some dinner soon, once I get hungry enough.

When first starting out it helps to focus more on what you are feeling physically and literally. It is easier to be in tune with your thoughts and feelings once you’ve taught your body how to teach you what it’s feeling. My eyes are closed. My feet are on the floor. The back of my calves are touching the front of the couch. The backs of my thighs and my buttocks are resting on the couch cushions. My back is supported in this sitting position by the couch cushions. I feel the breeze of the fan going across my legs and arms. My arms are resting comfortably on my lap. My hands are relaxed. My face is relaxed. A smile finds my lips. Like that.

After a time you’ll feel more at ease with even the scariest of moments, like giving a speech or getting on a roller coaster. Because life has awareness with you and becomes exciting and new. You’ll want to savor every moment, especially the big ones, like getting married or facing one’s fears. Learn to be aware of where tension is in your body. Is your stomach in knots during a confession? Is your stomach tense as you worry over a situation? Does your jaw ache after a night of grinding your teeth during a stressful week? Do your palms sweat when meeting an attractive date? Does your tongue feel tied and does your stomach do flips whenever your partner dresses up? Does your heart leap every time you see that certain someone? Our bodies are always sending us messages. The beauty of mental health is experiencing life body, mind, and soul.

Learning to let go is one of the hardest lessons some people will ever learn, but even still, it is an important caveat of mental health. The essence of it is this. They say there are at least two personality types. Type A’s, who are ambitious, driven perfectionists. And type B’s, who are calm, relaxed, and seem happier than type A’s, actually. I’m going to tell you a secret. There is only one personality type. Type B’s are actually all former type A’s, they just have life the fuck figured out.

I can pinpoint a moment just like this. I was so stressed by my military leadership that I sought outside mental help. I wanted a civilian therapist’s perspective. And he came through. He said essentially, ”do yourself a favor. Just say fuck it.” There comes a point when the most healing thing you can do is recognize when something someone is doing to you is seriously fucked up. Swear words, if you’ll allow yourself to admit it, are sometimes the only best way to describe a situation or a feeling. They are adultly universal, across cultures even. The words may differ but the recognition is the same. Some situations are shitty, some will make you horny, and other situations are seriuosly fucked up. And some situations aren’t even worth getting your blood pressure up over. Why shorten your lifespan and bring yourself closer to a stroke over things and people you can’t control? And that is precisely what us lucky type B’s had an epiphany over. My dog is a good role model of this. Some rare things are worthy of lots of barking, some things are worth one bark, maybe two. But most things aren’t worth leaving your comfy spot for. Protect and love your family. Everything else can wait. The fact that even my dog knows what’s important, and what’s not is a good barometer of my own anxiety. They pick up on our energy.

• If you were a drinker when you were younger, you probably noticed those were the years you were the most anxious. Alcohol does something to the brain. A person who abuses alcohol is going to alter their brain chemistry in such a way that it becomes harder to solve life’s little mysteries, because your brain never really gets out of this anxious state. There comes a healthy point when you’re just over it. Over the bar scene. Over feeling hung over the next day. Buzzing has lost its appeal. You find life to be a natural high, no need for drugs. And that is ok. That is what being a healthy adult feels like. Hooray for you.
• The average smoker needs seven tries before they actually quit. So keep trying. If you know it’s got to be done, it will get done. Don‘t give up. No matter what it is. These people were eventually able to kick their habit 100%. They didn’t do it alone, either. They sought help. And oh, if you’re diabetic and you smoke, your heart attack isn’t a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. So quit that shit.
• My chiropractor said something the other day that got me really thinking. He said, essentially, “I can fix a spine. I can make pain better. But I can’t heal a person completely. People have to fix the mental barriers to their optimum health themselves.” So get off your ass. Stop watching too much tv because your back hurts. Does your back really hurt, or is your mind stuck in a victim role because of all the past physical pain? What did your xrays show? No big glaring skeletal problems, right? If you have a slipped disc that’s one thing. But if it’s just inflammation and arthritis, come on? He made that better, so get up and mow the lawn. Do the dishes. Cook dinner. Go swimming. Take the kids somewhere. Those old pain barriers don’t exist anymore. Live your life. Get out there and breathe.