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Controlling Your Temper - Way to Become Emotionally Fit

Updated on April 5, 2015
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You Are In Charge of Your Own Life

In life, there ought to have idiotic people irritating you when you are trying to rest or doing serious work. At that point in time, you may feel like raging at him and teach him a lesson. The question to ask yourself is, is it worth it losing your temper at these nuisance? Let me advise you upfront, NOPE.

First tip to being emotionally fit is to know that YOU are in control of your own life. One often experiences anger and anxiety due others trying to manipulate the victim into agreeing to his own stand. Hence, the poor soul loses his rights to voice out his opinions to the rest. When you have no say, you start to think that you are not in control of your life.

Do you think that you are in control of YOUR own Life?

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Instructions or Suggestion?

When I was younger, my mum would suggest that I study during my free time instead of playing video games. But deep down inside my heart, I knew she wasn't suggesting. She wanted me to follow her instructions of making full use of free time to revise on my school work. Your boss may ask you, "Can you help me photocopy 2 sets of the documents on my desk?", but it is a question that you knew the only answer is 'Yes'. Thus, recognizing what are instructions and what are suggestions is very important.

In your life, there are only certain people who can give you instructions and it may include:

  • Your Parents (duh, they almost always look out for your best interests)
  • Your Boss (beggars can't be choosers, for the sake of money)
  • Your Teacher
  • Government Agencies

And of course, this list is not exhaustive and according to your own judgement, choose who you allow to give you instructions. Be sure to let people who are close to you beginning from your family members to have areas of final say, afterall their actions would have significant impact on your life.

Stop Using 'Should'

I hope that you can keep 'should' in a faraway place and leave it in your dreams. The word 'should' is one word that I wish you can discard for any real world situation. You will experience Anger whenever you hear this word in your daily life regardless of whether you are the one saying it or heard from somewhere else. Perhaps you remember someone saying, 'You should be on time.', 'You should take down notes instead of purely relying on your memory' We were all brought up with that word since our parents tend to use it to steer us away from causing troubles.

'Should' is a trap for yourself and anyone in discussion with you. Research shows that when you are trapped, you get angry. It's natural. You become frustrated when your options are taken away. 'Should' is a word that is meant to describe the idealistic situation and how beautiful your perfect life is like. Does it have any use in reality? Honestly, No.

So how can you subtstitute 'should'? Try using 'It would be better if...' to replace 'should'. This phrases your sentences in a friendlier way and shows that you are genuinely giving a suggestion. Such practices facilitates communication between 2 parties.

The Magic Pause

Feelings Are Manipulative

Feel > Think.

Have you bought something on impulse just because you feel that the item is very classy and would look good on you? And you only realised that the item isn't worth your money a day after your purchase. I guess this is quite commonplace for many young adults when they visit the shopping malls. Feelings always precedes your thought process. Emotions are beautiful and natural but clutter up clear thought. What you feel may not aid in problem solving. Hence it is good to draw a clear line between your feelings and thoughts in the working world. the separation of feelings and ideas as much as possible in the workplace will result in greater professionalism and success. Use your intellectual voice to deliver the decision you have made.

Just like what this picture says.
Just like what this picture says. | Source

Catastrophizing

Many of us like to think of every possible outcomes the matter may turn into, indirectly creating an intrinsic fear within ourselves. You get tensed up when you inject imaginary fear into your daily life. All the 'what if's' lead to what I refer to as unnecessary worrying. People tend to think that starting a business is very risky and usually end up losing money and hence disregard the idea of entrepreneurship. However, how do you know that your business will fail even before you try?

Fear is actually a protective measure in place to prevent you from landing yourself into trouble. To live your life to the fullest, recognize the potential downfall and deal with it. Sometimes after a detailed analysis of the issue, you may come to the conclusion that the calculated risk is worth taking. Afterall, there is no growth without risk.

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. -Ralph Waldo Emerson | Source

How to Express Your Anger?

What will you do when your friend pisses you off by playing pranks on you while you are doing serious work? Unleash your vicious tongue and your arsenal of crude words on them immediately? Let's not do that and take a step back to think before doing anything.

My advice to you is: Express Anger in Past Tense. I am not asking you to bury the hatchet and forget your anger completely, but anger is best expressed in retrospect. If you feel it today, express it tomorrow. As aforementioned, your emotions tend to dominate your logic and therefore how you feel may not justify your actions. This is to give yourself some time to think through why you are raging in the first place. Once you think through the issue, you can then express your anger in an intellectual fashion.

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    • HeyHuJiao profile imageAUTHOR

      Wong Seng Wee 

      3 years ago from Singapore

      Yes, I feel the same way too! Hope the techniques helped!

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 

      3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      I used to have issues every time I heard the word "should." It would make me feel bad if someone else said it to me, and when I used it on myself, I felt guilty. I finally decided that I would stop using the word. When I would catch myself using it, I substituted "I want" instead. I found that this simple action relaxed the stress grip that came with "I should" and gave me a chance to decide for myself if it were something that I really wanted to do.

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