Dad I Miss You; Look for Me

Dad,

There are so many questions I have for you. I wish I could speak to you and you be able to answer me. What's it like there, daddy? What is heaven like? What was it like when you saw Jesus the first time? Jesus said He would wipe away all our tears, I could use that at this time. Daddy I remember your hands, I remember your strength. I remember you holding me as a child and saying it's ok. Daddy you calmed my trembling fears , not just by words but just by feeling your hardened hands turned to a gentle touch. Just feeling the strength of your arms around me was a comfort, it calmed any turmoil I had. No words had to be spoken. Is that what it is like with Jesus,daddy?

Oh dad, there is so much, so much I want to tell you. Most of all how much I love you, I miss you so much,daddy. I need to feel those arms around me again. Have you seen our loved ones there? Have you spoken with them and told them we miss them too?

Daddy growing up there were so many times you said,"That's my boy," whether I was good or bad right or wrong. The most treasured time was the first time you came to hear me preach. Dad it wasn't my best message I had ever given but you were glowing and in that big smile said,"that's my boy". What you cared about was your son preaching God's word., the gospel of Christ.

Dad there were so many times you were so hard on me, I thought you were so unfair. I did not know why I deserved to be scorned so hard. I did not understand why, why you were so seemingly cold to me. I do know now, you simply loved your boy. Daddy I am the man today that I am because of you. As I live on if I can be or ever come close to being the man you were, well then, I guess that ain't too bad. You were one of the most caring, loving, and giving of all men I ever knew.

Every time I saw you hold one of my children I felt it too, I felt those arms around me again. Daddy I remember crying one night as I was in bed, I missed you so much. The hours you worked were so very long, I was too little to understand. I thought you liked working so you would not have to be home. I thought you didn't want to come home and be around us. I laid there and cried myself to sleep, I tried to stay awake. I tried to hear you when you came home, but the crying exhausted me and I fell asleep. Daddy I thought you didn't want me. I thought you did not love or care for me, I did not know, I was too little, that you worked to provide for us, to take care of us. That night I saw the greatest gift ever of a daddy's love. You came in and woke me up, you pulled me to your chest into those strong arms and massive hands, rubbed my hair and said,"Son I love you and I have missed you too" It was only for a minute or so and you asked if I could now sleep. Then you tucked me back under my blankets. I have never felt so secure in all my life as that night. I pray to God of all the memories I may have and thoughts in time I will forget, that I will always remember your arms and hands. Arms like oaks, hands of stone, yet gentle caring and loving.

Oh daddy I have that security now, I am ok, Tammy's strength and love reminds me of you. I guess that's why I love her hands so much, I can just look at her hands and hold them and find strength.

And daddy I am right with God, I am doing His work again, soon to be full-time. I wish one more time I could call or stop by just to say hi I love you dad. There is a day coming I will. I know when the time is right God will bring us together again. I love you daddy, and dad, look for me for I will be there too. I love you so much, Michael