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Dealin Dope is more Addictive than Dope
I was talking to my sponsor earlier today and he told me about a time he was speaking to some teenage addicts. He said one of the kids asked what is he supposed to do if he’s addicted to money. He meant he was addicted to the dope game that was just his cool way of saying it. My sponsor told him to admit he was powerless over money of course, the same thing you do with any addiction. Take the first step.
Why is selling dope addictive?
Well the first thing I thought when he told me that story was that little kid was just trying to impress the other kids there. Wanted them to know he was making big money selling dope. But then I thought about it and realized I used to say the exact same thing. That selling dope is more addictive than dope itself.
Well that got me to thinking. Why is selling dope so addictive? Every reason I could think of was easily debunked. I mean think about it. Why is selling dope addictive.
A. Because everybody loves you.
Is that really true? Does anybody even the most addicted fiend really give a damn about the dope dealer? That’s easy, absolutely not! They love his sack, and only his sack. The bigger his sack is the more they seem to love him. I remember how I felt like a king when I would walk into a house and everybody started swinging. Even my customer’s dogs loved me! Dogs can sense how exited there owner is about someone coming over. So the dogs would naturally assume I must be a good guy because their owner loved me so much. Even when I was out of dope, the fiends still treated me like a star because everybody knew I would get more.
The real test was when I went to prison. I thought everybody loved me. But I didn’t get mail from anyone. A couple chicks wrote me for like the first 6 months or so but then I was out of sight out of mind. Nobody cared about me. They loved my dope.
But now I don’t have anything to offer anyone. And guess what? I’m starting to make friends anyway. People that really love me, for me! And I know this is true because “me” is all I have to give them. Now, when a friend goes out of the way to give me a hug or post how much I’ve helped them on my facebook wall it’s not because they are trying to flatter me it’s because they really do care about me. That is a high for real and I’m lovin it!!!!
B. Because the danger of the life, the adrenaline rush!
Yeah living life on the edge! Right on dude! Right? Wrong!!! It may seem all exiting at first, watching out for the police, carrying a gun so you don’t get robbed. It’s like living in a freakin Gangsta movie! That’s what I’m talking bout! Ye, Yeah!!!
Then you begin to realize it’s not a movie. It’s not all fun and games this is for real. The cops aint playing with you they really want to lock you up! They really will try to take days, months and years out of your life! I know cause they’ve taken 45 months from me so far and that’s just prison time. I’m not counting jail time or paper time. And the people out there that want what you got more than they “love” you, aint playing with you either. Carrying that gun makes you feel gangsta at first. Till you realize you might actually have to use it to defend yourself. That if you get shot and killed you won’t just show up in the next movie like the actors in mafia shows do. You’re done it’s a wrap! Move on to the next victim.
Now life isn’t so exciting. I don’t have to worry about who a fed is anymore because I know the feds aint interested in the things I do anymore. I’m not watching my back from getting robbed all the time because I don’t surround myself with people that love what I got more than they love me. I am at peace with life. Everything is not perfect but I’m not worried about it continuing to get worse like I did when I lived that dangerous so called exciting life. Things are slowly but surely getting better, and I know that if I stay on track they will keep getting better. That is a high for real and I’m loving it!!!!
Cash Money Ballin!
Yeah I have to admit you can make some really big money selling dope. But it doesn’t last. I remember hearing somewhere once that the average dope dealer would make more money flippin burgers. I know that is true. I used to laugh about some of the dope dealers that bought dope from me. How they would sell dope all day long and then re-up on just another ounce. They never advanced past that. But while I was laughing I was living out of a one bedroom hotel. Too paranoid to get my own apartment and not even checking into the hotel under my own name. I know that there are some guys maybe even some of you reading this that owned mansions. But you are the exception and not the rule. Most dope dealers I knew were rolling stones living at someone else’s crib until it got to hot then moving on. And then even those that did make it big I remember being in a cell right next to them. That’s right “cell” we both had the same size house in the end. LOL
Most of the money I made was spent keeping me and all my so-called friends high. What I had to show for it was little and even that is gone now. All the people that “loved” me so much traded everything I had for dope while I was locked up.
I could go on and on with this but I hope you get my point. The dope game is a drug you can keep. I’ve been there and the rush is cool at first but the come down sucks way too much! Don’t need no 12 step program for this one. I’m good.