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How To Be A More Calm Person And Reduce Stress

Updated on March 23, 2011

A little stress can actually be good for us but too much leaves us at risk for emotional, health, and relationship problems.

With the future uncertain and chaos in the business world, stress is ever present. There are many factors and conditions that cause us stress. Many stresses are a result of out work situation. These may come because of the standard of excellence expected by our bosses. We may feel we need to skip lunch or work late merely because of the way others in the work place behave or because our boss looked at us strangely when we left exactly on time. We may feel pressured by deadlines and a workload that never seems to be under control. These are external stresses and they are the kind of stresses that will never be totally under our control. They must however be dealt with if we are not to allow the non-work part of our lives to control our personal lives, and well-being.

On the other side, we have stresses that are internal. We may feel that these stresses also come from outside, but many do not. We bring a lot of these on ourselves. These may include the performance expectations we put on ourselves, a fear that terrible things will result if we are late for work or make even a minor mistake that our boss notices. We may feel we have to be perfect, have a perfect home, perfect children and a perfect relationship with our families. We may have fears that we are in danger, that we will have an accident or constantly fear that negative results will come from our actions and decisions. We may feel that we cannot cope with a messy house, shopping, our children's needs and schedules and the social demands we feel we must meet.


Internal stresses can be managed by us, and by us alone. We must give ourselves permission to seem a bit lazy sometimes, to take time for ourselves and ask friends and relatives to step in occasionally and help with tasks such as child care. We can and must give ourselves internal messages that we will be all right, that we are sensible and careful in all situations and that fear is more debilitating that useful. We must give ourselves positive messages that yes, we have a lot of housework to do but we can handle it, we can decline a social invitation if we would rather stay at home and relax and no, the children do not have to take part in every activity known to man. We may benefit from some relaxing activities such as yoga where we can learn to relax and recharge our inner resources.


External stresses which almost always come from our jobs, are never totally controllable but they can certainly be dealt with. Again we have to give ourselves permission to do what is right for us and not be weighed down by fear and self-doubt to the point where it affects our health.

In work situations we often feel that we must do everything ourselves. Rid yourself of this idea. No one can do everything. Each day, look at your schedule for the day and set out time slots. What is realistically achievable? Everything else must be rescheduled or passed on to another worker. Learn to delegate. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of good organizational skills and leadership ability. Do not accept any additional responsibilities for that day. Work to your ability and close the door on your work day content that you have done your best and that you do have some control.

If you continue to feel your work load is totally out of control, organize your thoughts and come up with a solution that could work for you, and that does not involve sacrificing your lunch hour and destroying your personal life. Talk to your supervisor, explaining what you feel should be done how it could be achieved. Maybe it would entail hiring some sort of aide, maybe paid overtime for yourself or others. If their response in unfavorable and you continue to be overwhelmed by your job, plan to look for another. No job is worth the sacrifice of your health and the welfare of your family.

You may have to change your way of thinking. A few simple changes on your part will not cause disastrous results. Having a legitimate break at work will help your work more efficiently when your return. If will not get your fired. Declining a social invitation or deciding not to participate in a charity drive will not make you a pariah. It will instead leave you time to address your own needs and help you to become a happier more productive human being.


Stress can lead to headaches, digestive problems, high blood pressure, eating problems, cardiovascular disease, depression, total burnout, and problems with personal relationships. Don't allow these avoidable problems to be part of your life. Change what you need to change. You have the right and power to do so.  Do something special for yourself every day. You deserve it.


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      doodlebugs 8 years ago

      Great hub Billips, good advice for all of us.