ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Dealing with Manipulation

Updated on April 13, 2015
Who is pulling your strings?
Who is pulling your strings?

Manipulation

We have all found ourselves doing something that we really did not want to do, but we did it anyway, as we were manipulated, or guilt tripped into doing it.

Understanding how manipulation works gives the potential target an intuitive grasp of the type of encounters and sensitivity to the many tactics a manipulator may use.

Many people lack insight into their behaviour, and react on instinct and may have begun manipulating at a young age to avoid consequences.

The behavior may have been learnt from an older sibling or parent, the message being: “Do whatever you need to do to get what you want.” Therefore, manipulation, pathological lying and conning others becomes a tool.

Some people are consistent and will manipulate in one situation and not in another. For others, it is a character trait. If it is obvious it may not be harmful in a relationship if both people are aware of it. When it is covert and is used against someone is when it becomes a problem.

As we said, conscious manipulation such as friends wheedling things out of each other, both parties being aware of what’s happening and lovingly accepting that in each other. Other times the charming manipulator becomes your friend and then always makes you feel as though you owe them something and through this, get you to do whatever they want such as taking over their responsibilities, to siding with them against someone they don’t like.

It is commonplace behaviour for these people who always tell you how much they do for you or that they only have your interests at heart, the reality being that they are only interested in their own agenda and using you to get there.

The target is usually a consistent, honest, responsible person who has integrity. These positive personality aspects are precisely what a manipulator uses against their victims. Also, it is done so easily as the target is so fundamentally different that it doesn’t occur to them that the manipulator would think like that.

Tactics of Manipulative People - megan9309

Emotional Manipulation

The Emotional manipulator is a highly toxic individual who has no sense of accountability and plays the victim role to perfection. They seldom express their needs or desires openly they make us feel guilty for not complying and invoke our sympathy while their victim act inspires our sense of nurture.

When justifying their behavior, they know what they’re doing and have a purpose in mind. They will use this tactic when know they’ve either done something or will do something most people would regard as wrong. They will maintain a favourable social image if they can get someone else to see things their way or agree with the reasonableness of their actions. Once this is achieved, they are on the way to winning interpersonal control. Think about how many times you have relented after accepting an excuse only to find that you are dealing with the same behavior repeatedly.

One of the most common methods is talking behind someone's back and then going to the person about whom they were talking and repeating what you said in the conversation. Thus creating distrust amongst those two people.

People with this personality disorder almost never take responsibility for their actions. They will not apologise but rather blame others, use excuses; claim misunderstandings and depict themselves as a victim.

They may also use active techniques such as anger, lying, bullying, and shouting. Or use methods such as sulking, ignoring you, or giving you the silent treatment.


Rationalise – Rational lies

Manipulators will often use denial and/or feigning innocence with such intensity and conviction that you question your own perception.

When they say one thing and later assure you they said nothing of the kind, will make you doubt your own sanity. You cannot be honest with them as they will turn what you said around and use it against you.

Whatever else you may want to talk about, they have a way of de-railing the conversation and turning it around to themselves.

Quote from 'The Brothers Karamazov'


“The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie,
 comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others.


And having no respect he ceases to love,
 and in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestiality in his vices,
 all from continual lying to other men and to himself.”




Fyodor Dostoevsky

How do you deal with manipulative people?

Firstly, be aware you are being manipulated, and ask yourself:

· Is someone constantly pushing their agenda and try to make you side with them?

· Is there someone who always says how much they have done for you?

· Is there someone who gossips about others but swears they only trust you?

· Are you doing something for another, which makes you uncomfortable?

· Are you reluctant to sever a relationship as they may hurt you in some way?

· Do you feel that your partner frequently takes advantage of your giving nature?

· Do your feel that when you do something that pleases another or your partner that the positive feelings do not last?

Mind Manipulation - 7 Sneaky Secrets - Covert Coercion

Stop Manipulative Behaviour

Although they are difficult to deal with, rule number one is to trust yourself, your senses, your gut feel and assertively set limits, commit to not straying from them and move out of the manipulator’s vicinity.

You can define your boundaries by looking them straight in the eyes and saying, “ We both know that you have a pattern of playing on my fears to get what you want, but I am no longer going to accept your threats.”

Explore your own feelings and why you react as you do, and the practice alternate responses, which although difficult will have far-reaching benefits.

If you see someone being manipulated, say, “I am not sure what’s happening here, but tell me what it is you want or state it clearly." If it is a child, you then show them a behavior that is more appropriate.

Another approach is to reflect on what is going on as manipulators gain the upper hand by forcing someone into a quick decision.

Focus on changing yourself, as you cannot change a manipulative person’s behavior, only he or she can do that.

Please remember that someone who has been in an emotionally manipulative relationship takes more time to recover than someone who leaves a physically abusive one.

A punch is something you see coming, and emotional manipulations are insidious, subtle and very toxic – walk away.


working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)