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Did We As People Forget To Be Ourselves First?

Updated on February 23, 2017

Work on being a better you.. don't be me

Everyone has their own aspirations of what they should be. Right? I mean that is what I heard all through my life trying to find what it is I should be. I'm fifty years old and sometimes I still don't know if I'm doing life right. It's always a question. I always found myself looking at other people and comparing myself to them. I would say to myself, I should wear my hair like that, or I should be skinny like that, or I should get a career like her. Anything so I wouldn't have to face the actual fact of what it is that I should be doing. I grew up, got married, had kids, my life before my kids was messed up, I never really straightened it out, but just today someone that I only knew for about a week told me that she wishes she was like me!!! I can't believe someone said that to me because I never really had anything to begin with or at least that is what I thought. I have a good attitude, yes, but that doesn't give me a good job. I have a desire to help people and be the best person I could be but if something really disastrous happens tomorrow am I ready? I don't think so. As a matter of fact I'm damned scared.

I live my life daily. I get up, go to the gym, go through my exercises, clean my home, take care of my child. With new presidency I'm living life on the edge because he is changing things every dam day and I'm scared. How can someone say that they want to be like me? I've been zoning out in a fantasy online game which I never did before. I go day to day thinking what is tomorrow going to bring and I fake it when I'm out in public. I'm not depressed but I feel like I'm in limbo.

How could anyone want that? I must really put up a good front. All I know is working on myself is very different than someone working on their self. I wish I was like her. She trains real hard in the gym, she is very outgoing and very friendly. I'm glad to have made friends with her because I have a feeling she would beat the living crap out of someone who tried to mess with me.

I am thankful however, that in this day and age, she don't snub me because I wear Hijab on my head and she texted me to ask me if I'm ok and what I'm doing. I haven't had someone do that in a while and it feels pretty damned good. So Jenny, I'm saying this too you. The world is made up of unique individuals. Everyone different in their own way, and you my friend are a beautiful unique person who I wouldn't want to change one bit. You say you want to be like me, but you are the best you and that is an awesome thing to be because nobody can be that way!! Thank you for making me feel so damned good today.

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