Eating Well After the Death of A Loved One

When you experience the loss of a loved one there are a myriad of changes that take place in your life. In order to stay strong and focused, one of the main things that needs to happen is you need to eat well. The problem is you don't feel like eating no less cooking.

I lost my husband 12 years ago unexpectedly. There were so many new responsibilities coming at me I didn't know what to put first. Eating has to be something you put first so it was very comforting to have friends bring food for those first two months. Of course that can't go on forever and you have to fend for yourself eventually.

My husband used to eat anything I would make and that made it a joy to cook, but when he died my kids were definitely not on the same page. Don't get me wrong, they are good eaters but would prefer to have simple meals and the joy of cooking simply was gone from my being.

For quite some time we foraged through the dinner meal, and often time would get some food from the outside. I just could not get motivated to come home and cook a meal. My mind was a blur and I simply could not piece together a meal. I splurged and had the kids purchase lunch at school knowing that was a balanced meal. I also never let them leave the house without something for breakfast. Fortunately, the kids are great at eating fresh veggies and fruits but I knew we needed a more complete and balanced meal to end the day.

It took me two and a half years to get out of the rut but here is what helped change our dinnertime. Someone gifted me a years subscription to Every Day with Rachel Ray magazine. For 3 months it just sat on the bookshelf (along with scads of other cookbooks). Then one day as I was headed to the store to shop (for what I don't know) I asked the kids what they would like me to make for dinner - I got the regular answers: pizza, taquitos, Ramen noodles. All the things we had reverted to eating in a pinch.

I was frustrated and knew I needed a different solution so I got out the magazines, gave the kids paper and pencil and had them go through the magazines and write down some dinner ideas. They scribbled away and low and behold came up with a dozen answers to our problem!

Off to the store I went coming home with one of the suggestions. Every single piece of food was gone from both of their plates that night. Not only was it good and fresh, we all felt good that together we decided what to do. Over the course of a few weeks we made most everything on their lists and I was always careful to point out whose idea it was and thank them for their input.

This magazine is good for several reasons. The index is easy to read and there is a visual of the meal. It's kid friendly and there are some articles I look forward to every month also.

Rachel encourages kids to cook so not only were we using her magazine, they remembered watching her on the Food Network. This was one of my then 9-year olds favorite pastimes with her older sister who has moved out of state.

Also, each issue seems to be semi-seasonal so they can be used over and over again. In that light, eBay has a great selection of some past issues.

There are several things you can do to help someone suffering from a loss to get through this stage of mealtime.

• Invite the grieving family over for dinner. It does not have to be a special occassion. Even a weeknight or school night will do. No lingering is necessary, just having company to dine with is supreme.
• Purchase a gift card to a restaurant for the grieving family. A wonderful gift on a night when driving kids around does not afford you the time to cook dinner.
• Make an extra portion and keep some food in your freezer ready and waiting to give to someone on a moments notice.
• Create a CareCalendar for the grieving family. All it takes is one coordinator and a ready supply of volunteers to sign up for meals. This was a life saver for us in the first few months.
• Go grocery shopping for the family. Get a list and if you can afford it, pay for the food. If not, I'm sure the family will offer to pay (or give you money ahead of time).

In summary, I hope you can take some of these ideas and use them yourself or pass them along to someone who can use the ideas. I have found that using these experiences of my own, has been therapeutic for me and hopefully benefitted someone else.