Emotional Self Regulation

The cycle of life is a tad unfair. You're birthed, raised and then die. Cool, that's simple enough to understand. But in-between being born and dying, there's this often neglected aspect, life (cliche but bare with me).

Taking from my own life I want us to be on the same thinking wave. I grew up with both mom and dad, they were as dysfunctional as can be expected from a middle class family. I was the last born of two kids and the only girl - not the biggest accomplishment or disappointment but it's actually worth knowing at some point.

Ignoring my shea lack of ability - where compiling stories is concerned - I want to focus on why I wrote this.

No one actually knows how to live. We all know ways to ensure we achieve certain set criteria which we've deemed worthy of daily practice. This doesn't make it a way to be alive, it makes it the individual's way. As kids, we are sheltered from reality and it's gruesome ability to shatter innocence until we reach an age where we're apparently ready to deal with the deep, dark, unknown. I use apparent here because we're not. I remember moving from home, everyone was shattered at the idea of their little girl moving away as if I needed to stay home a little longer. I was 17 and wanted to live my own life - I really wanted to move out to drink and fuck to my hearts contempt. But that's neither here nor there (hope I used that right).

I say all of that to lead to this point, growing up fucking sucks. The entire experience is a juggling of emotions you have no idea what to do with because they hit like a wave and all at once. You could be perfectly happy one minute and sad the next - the worst part is your sadness doesn't even come with tears. It's a period that feel like hell and you never know when it'll come or end.

I've read things here and there saying, in times like those I need to have self-care rituals that will help. Well they really fucking don't. That shit really sucks and smelling a lavender candal while I feel an emotional emptiness really won't help.

I'm not in any way qualified to hand out advice, I just know what I know. We all find ourselves in those dark places at some point, you just need to get familiar with what gets you through it. Get familiar with what puts you there. And get familiar with your emotions when you get there, even when you're emotionless there are emotions behind those layers.

Love and Light.