Fake It Till You Make It Baby
When You Feel Hopeless
We've all been there. Feeling hopeless about a situation can leave us thinking that's it, we're stuck there and there's nothing that can be done about it.
I've always had this theory. There's always a solution. I used to design and sell fashion belts to countries all over the world. From time to time I would make a mistake. I would mess up the stitching on a bespoke belt or I'd lose concentration for a moment and sew the clasp on back to front. Sometimes there seemed only one solution, to chuck it in the bin and start again. But I used to have this saying, the one I just mentioned. I'd say to myself there's a solution somewhere. Then I'd have some brainwave and make a small adjustment somewhere. I rarely threw anything in the bin.
Now I know that might seem completely different to life and its difficulties and it is really. However, I have always kept those words safe and I use them regularly.
If I feel rubbish about a situation I assume it's all sorted. It's worked out for the best and I carry on thinking that regardless of what is going on around me and what is my actual reality.
When I feel unhappy I ignore the feelings and pretend I am happy :)
I once had a break-up. It was many years ago and at the time I was gutted, even though he was an arse and I knew that deep down. Still, I thought I loved him and I had to move back in with my parents. I felt devastated. I wondered how I would go to work and smile, laugh and generally not look like I'd just been slapped in the face.
I Started to Fake Happy
I began pretending I was happy. I didn't want to ruin everyone else's day with my woes. Besides that, I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I smiled as usual, I laughed a little more than usual and I generally carried on as if nothing had happened. Sure everyone knew we'd broken up. But what they didn't know was that I felt broken inside because on the outside I seemed fine.
It's said that talking about your problems helps. For me, it doesn't. Well, I mean getting your feelings out there once and then moving forward is what I can work with. I wasn't bottling my feelings up. I was dealing with them, but in my head and at home with my poor parents who were probably wondering when I was leaving. My Dad told me I'd be over it in a couple of months. I burst into tears and told him that was ridiculous.
Carry on Smiling
I carried on smiling and laughing. I didn't relent with my happy facade. Sometimes I hurt inside and sometimes I felt a little bit better.
A few weeks went by and I was laughing along with a colleague when I suddenly realised it was a genuine laugh. I had a happy moment, yay! In that moment I also realised that I felt a bit better. I could also see that the break-up was inevitable because neither of us was happy. I wasn't as arse though.
A couple of weeks after that I laughed spontaneously more than once and I started to see a future without him in it.
Eight weeks later and I was pretty much over it. My Dad was right after all. I was fickle as hell clearly! I'm joking of course. I just let happy win over sad. I gave it a chance to take over.
How to Fake it in Any Situation
If there's something you want, if there's a personality trait you wish you had, if you want to be more outgoing, if you want to love harder...fake it till you make it. It might take some time, you might think you'll never make it, but take it from one that knows. You will get there.
Perseverance is what it's all about. I have huge staying power when it comes to my life and any way I can make it better, be better or feel better.
If you can fake it then you can make it!