Fearlessness: Love yourself!

People who have attained things worth having in this world have worked while others have idled, have persevered while others gave up in despair, and have practiced early in life the valuable habits of self-denial, industry, and singleness of purpose. As a result, they enjoy in later life the success often erroneously attributed to good luck.
—Grenville Kleiser

So, you've realized that your life is not what you wanted it to be; now what? Do we sit and debate over what could have been? Do we wonder where we went wrong? Do we reminisce on the moment that got away? Do you hope that you will get lucky? Or, do we realize that none of these questions will improve our situation.

Nothing we can ask ourselves will ever change what was. There is nothing that can change the past. I even have to remind myself of this regularly. Even I must remind myself of this, especially after I've said something I perceive to be ‘stupid’. We seem to be our own worst critics, we may start a negative inner monologue. But, we need to take hold of that voice and remind ourselves that we can’t change the past. We can't step forward if we are holding ourselves back. We can only change the future, so we have to grab it now. Try to remind ourselves to make sure to be more aware the next time. Letting go is as hard as it is simple. We all have to remind ourselves of this as we start a new chapter in our lives.

We were born. We had an empty slate. We had love. We were new. Everything was magical. Everything was an adventure. Then, life happens. Our parents weren't there when we needed them. Adults lied to us; hurt us. The people who were supposed to lead us to better pastures led us nowhere. Most of the time we build walls around this time of our life. We blame this time for why we are this way, or that. We sometimes pull the devastating memories of our past to excuse our current destructive decisions. Chapter one becomes something we read over and over again. Instead of learning from this, we take this time to feel bad. We feel sorry for ourselves.

Maybe those hurts can be used to make us grow. Maybe, instead of making us weak, it makes us stronger. Maybe, just maybe, this time as we read the first chapter in our lives we can look at what happened and peel back the layers of ourselves and get to the heart of the matter.

We were all beautiful children once. We were, and are, still that beautiful child. We can save ourselves from that hurt by nurturing that child. Think of it like a beautiful flower growing in a garbage dump. It is surrounded by ugly, but if it is taken care of, it can still grow into something beautiful. We can breathe life into that flower if we love it. But, we have to learn to love that flower. We have to learn to give it attention even if it is hard.

We are finally old enough to really see to the world and not just the confines of our house. The world is so big and beautiful. We have some scars, but those scars seem to make us more passionate. We don’t think; we do. Our parents are no longer leading us. We follow our own path. Then, life happens. This time we can understand it a little better. This time it hurts more. We build more walls. We start to let the world beat us down. This is the defining moment for most people. Do we give up? Or, do we keep trying? What do we do with our lives?

The child has left us. We think we know everything, but we are merely just a budding flower. We still need love. We still need someone to look after us. As you re-read this chapter of your life, do you see your dreams slowly slipping through your fingers. Or, do you start to reconnect with what really drove you?

Those dreams never died.

Dreams never die; only motivation does.

We can still have those dreams we had when we were a young rebellious youth. If you are willing you can have those dreams. You can have that life you always wanted. You are worth it. You are a valuable person who deserves to have that rebellious, passionate drive back. And, you will have it back, provided you take the time to spend time with your true self.

The inner you that realizes how beautiful, how important, and how loveable you truly are.

You finally feel as if you have a grasp on the world now. Your vision of the world is no longer as beautiful. It is mundane. It is scary. It is a place of many hurts. It is a place that offers just enough benefits to keep going, but not enough to go above and beyond. We start to lose ourselves in our jobs, our families, our material goods, or our social statuses. Those walls we built around ourselves keep us safe from hurt. It keeps us safe from rejection. It keeps us safe from succeeding. It keeps us from being passionate in our lives. It hides our dreams. Suddenly, years pass and we realize that we have done nothing but show up to every day. We see the things we have, and they suddenly don’t feel like enough. Maybe we work harder. Or, maybe we create a path of destruction. Rarely, do we ever start peeling back the layers of ourselves and allow ourselves to be free. That would be scary. That could be painful. But, most importantly, that could be liberating.

What is the worst thing this hurt would do?

Would it make us awkward in social situations?

Would it embarrass our families?

Would it jeopardize our current jobs?

Would it change the “life” that we have lived for a long time?

Would that really matter if we were happy with ourselves?

Is this the life we really want to live?

What are you waiting for?

I think we all really know the answers to these questions. But, maybe we are also asking ourselves the wrong questions.

It is time to ask the important question; How do I feel about myself?

Are you ready to drop your current life and live a more authentic, adventurous life? If not, don’t fear, you are human and human nature is a habit. The question you should ask yourself is: am I ready to make small changes so I can live a better life? Am I willing to be patient and compassionate enough to myself so I can make progress?

We all will feel the twinge of unhappiness because we all have dreams and goals that we still haven’t achieved. We all feel that we could have done much better with our lives. However, we all need to realize that we have ALWAYS done the best we could. At that moment in time, we could only do what we could do. We could not see things the way we see it now. We are not the same people we were, and we should be proud of that. We are better. We are strong. We are deserving of love – especially our own love.

Dreams are much harder to achieve than we thought then, that is why we dreamed those dreams. We cannot beat ourselves up for dreams if we did not fully understand the dedication needed. Now we know. Now we are smarter. Now we know what those dreams are, we need to step forward and get them. They are not out of our grasp. Those dreams can be ours, but they can’t be easy because if they were, then they wouldn't be as satisfying when we get them.

We have to step out of our comfort zone. We have to step outside of ourselves and look at what we are. Fear holds us in place, and when fear is in charge, we stay stagnant. When fear is in charge, we survive, not live. We didn't trust ourselves enough to do certain things, to make critical decisions and we regret it. Don’t regret this moment. Do something now. Fight fear. Get out of that bad relationship, place, job, or even away from the material possessions. Don’t be afraid to reach out because you can’t get out of a sinking ship by yourself. Don’t doubt yourself because failure is just another lesson and it is better than standing still. Don’t let fear rule you. Fear will keep you from where you want to be. Fear is the worst enemy of success. Fortunately, there is hope. We can save ourselves. We are worth it.

Fear is a sentiment that can only be useful if it is used properly i.e. to peak awareness, or to save a life. A person who loves themselves has no real need for fear, but any person can see that fear was part of the original human nature, and therefore treats fear as an inferior force. The loving, compassionate person takes power away from inferior fear by being aware of the surroundings, pausing to ignore the primal sensation, and then making an intelligent decision despite the fear.

When a person practices this over time, fear will be considered a useless force by the body as well as the mind, and you will live fearlessly. This fearlessness will bring you to the bigger and better things in life. We all feel fear at one time or another. Now we just need to learn to use it to make our lives better.

In order to overcome your various fears and get the life you want, you’ll need to treat fear as you would a virus.

First, recognize the symptoms: the compulsion to react quickly without thought, nervousness/anxiety, heightened but negative view of yourself and the situation, and an uncomfortable urge to be in motion, or react destructively towards yourself; for example: twitching, shaking extremities, hair pulling, nail biting, chewing on mouth, cutting yourself, eating, smoking, taking drugs, and violent behaviors/thoughts.

Once you are aware of these behaviors/symptoms, you start to realize that you are sick; sick with an inferior virus called fear. It is natural to want to get healthy right away, but you have to realize that you can’t force the fear infection away; it is part of your body. You have to rest and let the healing process begin. If you don’t allow the process to happen at a comfortable pace, you’ll risk the possibility of a worse infection; anger, hate, and more destructive behaviors. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is your new fulfilling life. Take some time, think about your life, and accept that you’re only ready for the next step.

Second, investigate and identify the culprit: millions of things cause the fear “sickness”, so in order to “cure”, or “heal”, you’ll need to know where those fears come from. Just as you wouldn’t treat a nose bleed with an arm cast, you won’t want to jump into a pit of spiders if your fear infection stems from abandonment. This is a difficult stage of healing because you still aren’t treating the disease, and you aren’t closer to feeling better. You are probably feeling anxious because you know you are infected, and frustrated because you want to get better, but you don’t know how. The last thing you want to do is put time and effort into something that causes more pain - like investigating the nether regions of your thoughts, and then reliving something that has clearly scarred you for life. But, this step is very necessary, just as drawing blood is necessary to find a physical illness.

My only recommendation is to grit your teeth, and find a good, constructive way to deal with the pain because understanding the origin of the infection or infections will make it easier to “quarantine” it (or them). However, be warned that drudging up the painful, life changing memories, and then pushing them away, trying to pretend they never happened, making excuses, or ignoring the damage they cause is dangerous. It may be the easier way to deal with the disease, but it’s like putting a bandage on a bullet wound; it will work for a second, but you’re still living in pain. Writing the fears and the details down can help because it gives a tangible thing to see instead of just knowing that you are contaminated and suffering from fear. Once this fear is identified, you can find solace in the fact that you’re ready for your next step. This is a noticeable step; a step where you’ll feel change healing your body.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. You must do the thing you think you cannot do - Eleanor Roosevelt