ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Fibromyalgia and FORGIVENESS

Updated on January 26, 2011

How Resentment Can Make a Heart Heavy

"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." Hannah More

It is quite natural to feel strong negative feelings, associated with someone hurting, insulting or berating us. Naturally, when the hurt is deep enough we want to blame those who hurt us (physically or emotionally). We think they should suffer as we have.

By hurting them we think it will make us feel better, when the opposite is true. The anger will just grow and the hurt will imbed itself deep within us.

We don’t feel better, stronger or any such thing. There is no reward in revenge. Actually revenge is not in our realm. Our reactions however are within our realm.

How we picture ourselves (hurt, weak, and the victim) can be not only humiliating but detrimental to our well being.

Especially when you have fibromyalgia you will find that not only does your thinking get askew you become deeply depressed. No one likes being the victim, but Fibromites feel the pain much deeper (leading to depression).

Resentment can result in becoming obsessed with the offending act, whether it has been done to us or to those we love. (One good reason to not share your anger with your family or close friends until you have a handle on it.

Once you are badly hurt you start relating to childhood horrors or bad times you had previously. You can become obsessed with this thinking.

Finding a way to reconcile what has been done and the fact that you are not at fault is enough to begin letting the good things come out in your life.

Oh yes, my friend, there is a lot good about you, about all of us. But it needs permission to come out and only you can give that permission. In order to do that you must first rid yourself of anger.

Anger is a filthy dirty disease and if you nurture it you will soon become consumed with it. I like to bury mine. It worked for me. I totally believed if I buried that anger and prayed to let it go it would. And it did. (Note: I went to a funeral and that is where I had the epiphany to put my anger in the casket with the deceased. With faith and determination your epiphany will come to you.)

Anger leads to resentment. Resentment can keep us awake at night thinking and thinking on the past. So can guilt. Once you own either of these, you have begun the journey of putting them in the right place in your brain. Owning is admitting to yourself what part you played in the event and what part you did not play. Then blame can be put where it belongs. This is when forgiveness begins.

The past is just that. You cannot, no matter how hard you try, live in the past.

Otherwise your health will deteriorate, your moods will be unpleasant (in some cases causing you to lose friends and family who are there to help you but just don’t know how).

These moods can create distractions and errors at work and in some cases cost you your job. That is not only costly, but counterproductive. You are the one suffering, usually due to other’s actions.

It has been said you can compare this to a person taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It is our thoughts (even subconscious) that make us suffer.

Once again I recommend the bookWhat to Say to Yourself, by Dr. Shad Helmstedder. It is amazing how we are actually programming and being programmed from birth. This book is sort of like a de-programming guide.

The power to stay where we are, or move on is in our hands. This has to be a conscious decision.

We can take our power back by forgiving and cultivating genuine compassion. Notice I said “cultivating”? Fellow Fibromites, this takes time and patience with yourself.

I am living proof that it can be done. I was consumed with anger twice in my life and with time and hard work (emotionally), as well as help from therapy, I was able to let it go. Oh the freedom that brought to me.

“We discover the freedom to be inventive in relating to others, to handling traumatic experiences in a strong and firm manner and standing up for ourselves without damaging anyone else. Being resilient, weathering the next storm or navigating the present upheaval requires an open heart and a clear mind that results from forgiving and having compassion.”

To be resilient requires a lightness of step and the flexibility to move and not stay stuck or mired in yesterday.

It is through accepting the reality of what has been done, accepting the reality of having been hurt, betrayed, wronged; working through the layers and layers of difficult emotions and thoughts accompanying the injury, and finding ways to improve our life and state of mind that gives us the best opportunity for true freedom from insult and trauma.” *

Admitting, feeling and letting go of the negative emotions is how we transcend from victim to victor.

Forgiveness does not absolve the perpetrator at all. It simply frees us of that burden. Compassion and genuine forgiveness gives a green light only to the innocent.

No one is saying it is easy. It is not. However, it can be done and the freeing from resentment and ugly thoughts is unbelievably joyous.

The price is time and sincere energy, the reward is peace of mind.

Often you need help from a professional. That is a good thing. My momma said only the truly sick refuse to get help. So it is healthy to seek counsel, advice and sometimes take medicine to help you along the way.

I wish you all freedom and joy!

*Reference: “The Woman's Book of Resilience: 12 Qualities to Cultivate" by Beth Miller


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)