Fibromyalgia and FORGIVENESS
How Resentment Can Make a Heart Heavy
"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." Hannah More
It is quite natural to feel strong negative feelings, associated with someone hurting, insulting or berating us. Naturally, when the hurt is deep enough we want to blame those who hurt us (physically or emotionally). We think they should suffer as we have.
By hurting them we think it will make us feel better, when the opposite is true. The anger will just grow and the hurt will imbed itself deep within us.
We don’t feel better, stronger or any such thing. There is no reward in revenge. Actually revenge is not in our realm. Our reactions however are within our realm.
How we picture ourselves (hurt, weak, and the victim) can be not only humiliating but detrimental to our well being.
Especially when you have fibromyalgia you will find that not only does your thinking get askew you become deeply depressed. No one likes being the victim, but Fibromites feel the pain much deeper (leading to depression).
Resentment can result in becoming obsessed with the offending act, whether it has been done to us or to those we love. (One good reason to not share your anger with your family or close friends until you have a handle on it.
Once you are badly hurt you start relating to childhood horrors or bad times you had previously. You can become obsessed with this thinking.
Finding a way to reconcile what has been done and the fact that you are not at fault is enough to begin letting the good things come out in your life.
Oh yes, my friend, there is a lot good about you, about all of us. But it needs permission to come out and only you can give that permission. In order to do that you must first rid yourself of anger.
Anger is a filthy dirty disease and if you nurture it you will soon become consumed with it. I like to bury mine. It worked for me. I totally believed if I buried that anger and prayed to let it go it would. And it did. (Note: I went to a funeral and that is where I had the epiphany to put my anger in the casket with the deceased. With faith and determination your epiphany will come to you.)
Anger leads to resentment. Resentment can keep us awake at night thinking and thinking on the past. So can guilt. Once you own either of these, you have begun the journey of putting them in the right place in your brain. Owning is admitting to yourself what part you played in the event and what part you did not play. Then blame can be put where it belongs. This is when forgiveness begins.
The past is just that. You cannot, no matter how hard you try, live in the past.
Otherwise your health will deteriorate, your moods will be unpleasant (in some cases causing you to lose friends and family who are there to help you but just don’t know how).
These moods can create distractions and errors at work and in some cases cost you your job. That is not only costly, but counterproductive. You are the one suffering, usually due to other’s actions.
It has been said you can compare this to a person taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It is our thoughts (even subconscious) that make us suffer.
Once again I recommend the bookWhat to Say to Yourself, by Dr. Shad Helmstedder. It is amazing how we are actually programming and being programmed from birth. This book is sort of like a de-programming guide.
The power to stay where we are, or move on is in our hands. This has to be a conscious decision.
We can take our power back by forgiving and cultivating genuine compassion. Notice I said “cultivating”? Fellow Fibromites, this takes time and patience with yourself.
I am living proof that it can be done. I was consumed with anger twice in my life and with time and hard work (emotionally), as well as help from therapy, I was able to let it go. Oh the freedom that brought to me.
“We discover the freedom to be inventive in relating to others, to handling traumatic experiences in a strong and firm manner and standing up for ourselves without damaging anyone else. Being resilient, weathering the next storm or navigating the present upheaval requires an open heart and a clear mind that results from forgiving and having compassion.”
To be resilient requires a lightness of step and the flexibility to move and not stay stuck or mired in yesterday.
It is through accepting the reality of what has been done, accepting the reality of having been hurt, betrayed, wronged; working through the layers and layers of difficult emotions and thoughts accompanying the injury, and finding ways to improve our life and state of mind that gives us the best opportunity for true freedom from insult and trauma.” *
Admitting, feeling and letting go of the negative emotions is how we transcend from victim to victor.
Forgiveness does not absolve the perpetrator at all. It simply frees us of that burden. Compassion and genuine forgiveness gives a green light only to the innocent.
No one is saying it is easy. It is not. However, it can be done and the freeing from resentment and ugly thoughts is unbelievably joyous.
The price is time and sincere energy, the reward is peace of mind.
Often you need help from a professional. That is a good thing. My momma said only the truly sick refuse to get help. So it is healthy to seek counsel, advice and sometimes take medicine to help you along the way.
I wish you all freedom and joy!
*Reference: “The Woman's Book of Resilience: 12 Qualities to Cultivate" by Beth Miller