Fire Haunts my Dreams

It's no pleasant thing to wake from fire in your dreams.

To be shaken by an unforeseen force that rattles your thoughts.

Your deep sleep comes to a sudden halt as you take in a blast of air hoping it's not your last.

I have to be honest. I'm not one to really depend on dream interpretation to evaluate the pictures that haunt memories in my sleep.

There's something to be said for the fact that perhaps dreams are just our subconscious minds filtering out yesterday's brain mail and sorting them out into the escape hatch.

When it happens repeatedly, not several nights in a row or every time you have a fever, but over a course of years; it then must mean something unexplainable. Because how would it be possible to dream about something over and over again if all a dream really did was clear our minds of over-active thoughts that space in our memory no longer needs?

The nightmares began when I was pregnant with my first child. I had just moved in to a new home. My feet swollen beyond recognition and forced to wear house slippers everywhere, the idea of trying to get up and down the staircase was too dangerous.

Sleeping on a make-shift bed in the living room, I had frightening life-like dreams that I concluded must have been from pregnancy hormones.

The dreams lingered over time though. They became so frightening that I started leaving lights on outside and around the living room.

The haunting visions of fire plagued my mind nightly as I tried to wind down and go to sleep.

The story was the same time and time again. Someone set fire to my home.

Each time, I managed to escape unharmed. Usually, I would wake up before any irreplaceable damage occurred to my dreamy possessions.

I don't have a lot of memories from a certain point in my life.

I began to wonder if these dreams about fires had something to do with the memories my mind is blocking in order to save me from the despair and hurt it secretly holds within the deep confounds.

There is no record of me ever being in a fire or escaping from one. Yet until the time I married and had children, I was deathly afraid of fire to the point where I wouldn't ever go near a campfire, light a match, or cook on a gas stove.

Now I do all the above with ease. I'm no longer afraid of fire, but for some reason within my dreams lie this force coming from deep inside that plagues me nightly and prevents me from feeling the peace that one enjoys from a deep restful sleep.

Guilty conscience? Not likely. I've determined that the fire in my dreams represents something that I've hidden from myself. Even I cannot unlock the meaning.

In no way was I ever harmed from any of these dreams. Nothing from them ever became real. Why then am I still afraid?

Last night's dream was different. Years ago when the dreams first started, I had no children or pets. Now in addition to other humans lives I care for, I have devoted pets. My dream last night turned to terror as I raced down the hardwood staircase in my nightgown and slippery socks in search for what awoke me from sleep.

It was one of the most peaceful, deep sleeps I have experienced since I had children. I've become such a light sleeper because I have others to care for now.

The power of my dreams haunted me until morning.

Checking over everthing from outside the perimeter of the house, down to the basement where the night lights dimly light the cement floors, to the rooms where my children sleep, I assured myself it was ok. Everything is alright. It was just a dream.

Fear paralyzes my thoughts as I obsess over the facts of my dream. Every detail comes in to play as I memorize each one over a cup of tea in the middle of the night. Sitting by my side are my faithful canine companions. Each one wondering what's going on in my mind. I breath heavily, a sigh of relief that everything appears normal.

What's wrong with me? Waking up in the middle of the night, fearful that someone is setting fire to everything I love because of a silly dream.

I take my words to the internet in hopes of finding a cure for that which plagues me.

I enter my words carefully. What is the meaning of dreaming of fire?

The question remains, are the fiery dreams burning up past traumas or are they trying to ignite them again?

While dream interpretation is unique to all individuals, "Memories that hold one back" hit home with me.

Could the fire in my dreams symbolize what my memory holds under lock and key?

For over 35 years, I have been holding something in.

Why does our memory serve to block memories? Is it to protect us from emotional harm that could come from releasing the truth of the past that we have never known?

In search for self-help and healing, I found the term "repressed memory" online.

Repressed memory can be defined as a person's unconscious effort to block memories out of one's life due to the high level of trauma contained therein.

For years, these repressed memories have plagued me. It's the not knowing that I find difficult to deal with. Having no control to release them. Perhaps that is what is going on with my dreams.

According to the American Psychological Association, some repressed memories are false. Another word for repressed memory is amnesia which is when one can't recall important information about their own life. This usually occurs after a stressful or traumatic event and it lasts too long to be deemed forgetfulness.

Amnesia is a state in which memories are placed in long-term memory storage. Sometimes they are partially forgotten, erased so to speak. (Sometimes due to brain injury.)

Sometimes these memories can come back years later, often triggered by an identifier similar to the lost memory.

Other times psychotherapy can help.

I certainly know well enough the memories that my brain has chosen to hide from me could have been caused by events in my childhood.

Having no recollection of a period of at least three years, perhaps the incidents that occurred during that time were the cause of blocking my memory from me.

After suffering from re-occurring fiery nightmares since hormonal changes due to pregnancy, I have to wonder what the secrets are that my mind wishes to keep from me.

I've lived through so much, accomplished so much, and have overcome.

My new attitude is I'm no longer going to allow these dreams of hot fire to disturb me from restful sleep.

I'm not going to search my mind for that which plagues my soul and tries to reach me through the midnight stories we call dreams.

Goodbye dreams. Goodbye past. I'm moving on to where the sun comes up in the morning, the moon hangs with the stars at night. There is no more need to be afraid of the fire that plagues my dreams.

I've come to the point of realization that there are things in this life that we simply cannot change. And, we do not have to be a victim to it over and over again.