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Dealing With Loss

Updated on December 15, 2018
fillierboots profile image

Knowledge of communications and end of life care. Writing from first hand experiences.

"Firsts" are Hard

The grief of losing a loved one can sometimes creep up on you. Especially right around the holidays or a special event. These are days that we want to share with that special person - whether it be a spouse, a child, a parent or a friend - and it doesn't feel fair to continue on the celebration without them.

They days that you thought you'd experience together will be the ones that haunt you the most.

Your wedding, the birth of your baby, or the day you win the lottery.

How can you continue on, when they were supposed to be there. Cheering you on.

But, you have to. Its cliche, I know, but it's all they would want for you. What would they say if they could see your fear about continuing on your life? Time and aging are inevitable. And the world doesn't stop spinning just because one person is gone.

Continue growing everyday.
Continue loving and learning.

They are watching and cheering you on from the side lines still. Just now, they're not as loud and obnoxious.

They're Always With you

"If there ever comes a day where we can't be together. Hold me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." - A.A Milne

5 Things to Remember:

  1. There is no right or wrong way to heal. You will sit down one day and read everything you can about trying to get over someone. But in the end you will learn that it won't always work for you. And you may have to try a few different ways before you realize you're on the path to healing.
  2. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you need to take an extra day for yourself, an extra week. A breather from people and the expectations of the world. DO IT.
  3. You are not in this alone. Chances are there are people who have gone through the same loss you have, even in the same way. Find those chat groups and meetings and utilize them.
  4. Don't be afraid to say their name. To talk about them. It's going to hurt. But it's not the same kind of hurt. It frees you to and feels amazing when you can recount on the past.
  5. Time heals all wounds. And that doesn't mean we won't feel it anymore, loss has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. But allow it to come in and stay awhile, but not consume you. You are more than your loss.

Their Love is Everlasting

"Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves it's own mark. To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever." ― J.K Rowling.

Everyone's Experience is Different

Unfortunately I do not have the hidden key to getting over someone.

So, I'm sorry if that's what you came here for.

There is no right or wrong way to experience loss.

I mean we've all heard of the 5 Sages of Grief but not everybody even experiences those in the same order and has different reactions to the same situation. Someone who wasn't as close with their mom may not see why I am so torn up inside about it. While someone who lost their father in a car accident may not understand why I am more at peace than others as I find solice in the fact that my mother's battle and suffering is over. I have found my comfort in knowing that she can finally rest in peace.


There is Light in the Dark

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”

― Anne Lamott

Time Moves on, so Should You.

That doesn't mean you have to forget about them and pretend like they never existed and the pain of losing them disappeared into the dust.

It means you carry that pain along with you into the next day and next adventure. Until one day, it's not so much a burden and your loved one is just along for the ride that is your life.

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