Best Things About Being Sixty and Over

Sixty is not for sissies. Some of you already know this, but if you are not there yet, it is advisable to start thinking about adjusting your attitudes.

At age 60 you can look in the mirror and know that the image reflected back to your eyes is not the real you. It is only a chronologically enhanced equivalent of your real self which gives you distinction, authority, respect and an occasional 15% discount.

It's a time to make yourself worthy of your obvious character lines by forgetting all the sentiments of animosity and disappointment you have ever had about people in your life. And it's time to develop a feeling of goodwill and acceptance for everyone in the world, with the possible exception of extremist fanatic leaders and the inventor of the mammogram machine.

It's a time to say to that oddly familiar, but matured reflection: "Oh what the heck, who cares what anyone else thinks, I'm old enough to do and say whatever I feel like doing and saying... some of the time."

It's time when you can look in your closet and find clothes that are older than most of your local elected officials, but you really don't care, especially because some of them are suddenly back in style. I mean the clothes, not the officials.

It's a time when you can chose to ignore the current hot controversy between quantum physicists who disagree upon whether sub atomic particles have color or not, and wonder if their time wouldn't be better spent on more practical matters like developing anti-gravity underwear.

When that very round number applies to you, things are seen from a different perspective. "Carefully aged" things like prime beef, gourmet cheeses, fine wine, basalmic vinegar, pickled rutabaga and 1000 year-old eggs are honored with a deeper appreciation.

It's a time when seeing a picture of those exotic Chinese wrinkly dogs makes you feel so much better about yourself. A time when botulism derivatives seem more friend than foe.

At 60 you suddenly recognize the timeless inner beauty of things like desert tortoises whose deliberate movements seem graceful and meaningful, and whose wise countenances look very discerning, insightful and perceptive.

You know so much more than you used to. You not only recognize the word colonoscopy when it comes up in a newscast, you can actually spell it without wincing. You actually listen to the side effect warnings on prescription drug commercials.

At age 60 you can finally admit out loud (even though it may not sound cool) that you genuinely do not appreciate the music of the popular rock group "Raw Sewage", and that you are not especially interested in competing in this year's skateboard championships.

It's a time when you can walk into antique stores and see quaint and collectible kitchen implements which are so familiar that you could swear you used ones just like them just a week ago (which you did).

At sixty you can wake up in the middle of the night with a brilliant idea and quickly scribble it on a pad next to the telephone. When you get up the next morning you see that it says "and funnies the wald nee kreppin " plus something else which resembles a doctor's prescription in ancient cuneiform.

It's a time when you look at your spouse of 40 +years and he still looks the same to you as he did on your wedding day. (But what's that gray stuff in his hair?)

It a time when you are astonished and delighted to hear your five year old granddaughter insist that 55 year old snapshots of you are actually pictures of her.

It's a time when your 3 year old grandson compliments your oatmeal by saying "This feels good in my mouth". And especially because of those last two or three things, it's a good time.