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He Got Me...Again!

Updated on December 15, 2011

More ranting and thoughts

I have always been a pretty self aware type of person. I have a pretty good understanding of what I am capable of. I know what situations I have to stay away from. I may not know exactly how I will react to everything. I could, however, tell you whether I am sure of my own composure or not. I tend to avoid the 'or not' situations when I am not ready for them. The thing is that we can't prepare for everything. My Prince's climb into heaven was a huge 'or not' but it is my new truth and I am trying to embrace it and embrace how it is changing me & challenging me.

One thing in this journey that really bothered me was everyone's reference to my youth. It was with every good intention and knowing this inspired composure in me. I didn't make mention of it. I am young, they are right, but the implication was that I have plenty of time to make a whole new life with someone. Like I said, pure intentions. No harm intended, but I just turned 3 months old last week. I am a 98 day old widow, perhaps it is a little too soon to be speaking of my 'future' and who will be in it. I took it as disrespectful to our love. Then I thought it was rude. Then I thought they may as well start working on an arranged marriage. Then I lightened up a bit. I am more seasoned now, it does not offend me. One of my dearest friends mentioned it today and it was a loving wish, it was no longer a hurt for me to hear. Still, I dreaded the first time someone would ask for my attention in that way. I was sure it would push me over my limit and I would not react well, even in a public place.

God makes me laugh. I talk to him openly. Especially now. I lost my confidant. I spoke to my Prince everyday about everything. The void is enormous. If I were to compare God to a friend here, he would be the one that makes you face your fears. You know the one that says they will hold your hand as they drag on a roller coaster when you are afraid of heights.
I am a simple girl. I look like a simple girl. I didn't think that not wanting to be approached would be a difficult objective. I am not society's definition of gorgeous. I am not a cookie cutter magazine girl. It was a simple prayer...Lord, I don't want to be bothered. Keep those intentions away from me please. Amen. I don't go many places. I am safe, right?

3 days ago, at walmart... AT WALMART!? My bank and martial arts class is there. I go often.
A young man walks up to me and tells me he saw me here the other day. He 'walks' me from the check out line to the door. "Hi". I am not rude, I say hi to everyone. So I say a forced hi in return. Then comes the 'My name is ? (I don't remember, is that bad?) and I really want to get to know you". As soon as he said it, I thought 'I can't believe it. Lord, now' (with an I'll get you for this smile on my face). I know technically the Lord is not supposed to get smirks from me but I figure he made me, he wanted me, the least I could do is give him an honest relationship with me. I won't curse him or get angry with him. I will question him and react to him. It is my human side after all. I didn't react the way that I had thought because the situation didn't allow me to. This man was younger than me. He was the salvation army bell ringer and had a disability that affected his maturity. He was basically a ginormous little boy. He was God's learning gift to me wrapped in red with a bell.

This person then asks me if I had a husband. I didn't say anything at all for a few moments. I have issues with this question. I say I do have a husband but I am classed as single and reminded that my marriage was only til death. So I say, I am a widow. He answers with 'What is a widow?' Oh Lord, how long is this lesson. So I explain in basic terms. He says his dad passed away and that it is sad then asks me to 'hang out' for his lunch break. He didn't notice that he had bought 2 ladies into this awkward situation as I was leaving walmart. I let him know that my daughter and I had places to be and that I was not accepting any invitations.

I was sure that when this situation came, the poor person on the other end would either be subjected to unexpected, unexplained tears or encounter a moody woman.

My prayer remains the same...Let me be still
But the situation reminded me that I can be trained to handle what comes.


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    • profile image


      2 years ago

      "A widow is simply a person who has lost a husband thru death. It is not something that you always are. It is something you have been like having been a child, a teen, a student, a worker, etc."

      I just wanted to emphasize and ponder this for a moment. Some things you listed we will always be. Being a teen is not a permanent condition for this is a period of age. Being a student though we are in relation to others in a growing process. Likewise so is being a worker. So as soon as we become those things we never cease being them. Being a child is something we are in relation to our parents. For instance, I will always be a child to my godmother and she will always be my mommy.

      I think terms such as "widow/widower" and "wife/husband" are also relational titles we bear in relation to others. The only way to get rid of them is by denying the relation to the source of those titles. So I mean unless you deny your relationship to Roberts, you cannot graduate from the school of widowhood and will have to simply embrace that is something you are. But you are also his wife.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I think we all remain a child always and a bit of a teen and a student. We just pick up different titles as we go.

      So you'd be a widow of 4 and 1/2 years. But at the same time, for widows, Christ is their husband so as soon as Robert died, you were wed once again immediately. So from single to married to widowed for a timeless period of time to married again once more.

      I think you will always be though a widow to Robert but a widow is something I have always known my friend Lissette as and I'm not certain if I'd be able to see her differently. A widow defines who and what you are to me which does not mean I think you are like an alien or different in any way such as that. The term widow does help me to identify you though. You are and always will be my widowed friend Legacy Reims.

      Many things describe you though and you are what you are in relation to others who have entered your life though. So you are and always will be a wife to Robert and a widow to Robert (making you simultaneously a wife and a widow) and a friend to me. I think to reject these titles of relation you have to others is to sever your relation with them. If I died, I would hope you still saw me as a friend and did so always. So please remember you are and always will be Robert's wife and as he is dead, you'll also always be his widow. Of course, friends are permitted to disagree on things but please allow me to see you as a widow as I have always known you as.

      You told me a while back to accept me for me so I want to give you the same advice. Accept you for you. You are you in relation to others. Embrace you are a widow, okay? Embrace you are a wife.

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR


      2 years ago from Central Florida

      I guess it would depend on the bearer. A widow is simply a person who has lost a husband thru death. It is not something that you always are. It is something you have been like having been a child, a teen, a student, a worker, etc. If you let it go, as I have, you are left with the memories without the weight.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      Hi friend,

      I do have a question as to what precisely defines a widow any way. The dictionary says a woman whose spouse has died and has yet to remarry. But suppose you were to remarry some day, would you then cease being a widow to Robert? Also, one definition of a widow is a woman who is ignored by her own husband. And then you have the grass widow whose husband isn't dead but perhaps is away for a while and remains away a while or perhaps she is divorced.

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Well Mother, when you look like this

      guys' lower regions get stiff. That means all the blood is running away from the head toward the genitals and that means there will be limited thinking on part of the guy.

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you Deborah. God makes me laugh, which I love. I love the way he chooses to teach. I know now that even tho I feel in no way ready to deal with this, I can get through it gracefully without the negative reactions that I expected from myself. It was a good lesson with a bonus prize. On this journey, laughter is priceless.

      Happy New Year and Thank You for voting again.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 

      6 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      I really love this story.. It is so great to see god working. And then we are off guard. the situation is not what we are expecting it. Great HUB.

      I voted up and beautiful and awesome.

      Happy New Year.


    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you for reading and your comment Derdriu. A widows journey does not have to be all about sadness although it is hard to find humor sometimes. Thank you for your kind words and wishes and for the voting.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Moms-Secret, What a charming, humorous adventure into the land of mismatched expectations and unrealized outcomes! It's fortunate that this event took place in a public place since those who focus on complete strangers sometime become most unpleasant about rejection.

      Thank you for sharing, best wishes to you and your daughter and pups, voted up + all,


    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you all for your great comments. I saw a lot of humor in the situation too.

      @ Becky, I am really happy to hear that I won't have to get it from you. You understand perfectly. What man would want to be constantly compared to my Prince anyway? I don't have a heart to give right now but if I did it wouldn't be fair for someone to live in the shadows of an amazing love story.

      @Deni, hahaha the wonderful things to expect in my future, seniors. Thanks for the laugh! I am not sure that empathy for this is a lesson I have the heart to teach. Only others, like you, who have lost can really get it. So I let the feelings pass over me without reacting, most of the time.

      @tirelesstraveler I once worked as a teachers aid for a specialty school for the terminally challenged children. I understand your comment completely. It was a beautiful gift in my life to know and care for such children. Thank you for the smile wishes.

    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 

      6 years ago from California

      God created everyone for a purpose. Developmentally challenged people have been a great learning experience repeatedly for me. When I see the bell ringers I smile. Praying that you continue to see things to make you smile.

    • Deni Edwards profile image

      Deni Edwards 

      6 years ago from california

      I have to agree that I find this pretty humorous, too--not the comments that people make to you about being young, but the bell-ringer boy. Your next encounter will probably be with a senior citizen or maybe a homeless man who is taken by your beauty. haha.

      A lot of people have difficulty saying "appropriate" things for a bunch of different situations. It's the difference between empathy and sympathy. Not many people are able to put themselves in someone else's place. This results with comments that are unintentionally hurtful.

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 

      6 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      In a way, this is funny. God presented you with a person that you could not get mad at or yell at. I understand how you feel though. I have not mentioned that as I believe at this point, it would be totally out of line. There is such a thing as class and some people just show what an a$$ they are when they bring something like that up before at least a year is up. You have time to heal first and beware, it is coming even though not from me.

      People always want to play matchmaker so you will be bombarded. You had a happy marriage so they figure you will want another. I have had a good marriage but I do not think that if I were in your shoes, I would want another one. Try not to be too hard on them though. They do just want you to be happy.


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