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Help! I Suffer from ADOS!!

Updated on December 31, 2010

ADOS - What is it?

Help!!  Is there a Doctor in the house?  I  have ADOS.  For those of you who have never heard that before it stands for Attention Deficit… Oooo Shiny.  What exactly is this disorder?  It is terrible, debilitating and most often costly.  How so?

Your Mantra

Imagine walking through your nearby Walmart, Dollar store, grocery store, Goodwill, Yard Sale or anyplace where currency is accepted. You have said a Mantra to yourself before entering said establishment, that goes something like this “I’ve come to get bread, milk, eggs, coffee and coffee cream, nothing else” You’ve repeated this about 30 times during the drive, since you forgot the list at home, it‘s up to your memory. You are confident that THIS TIME IT WILL WORK.

As you rush through the store hoping against all hope that you remember what you came for, all of a sudden realize you forgot to put toilet paper on your list! Oh my, can’t forget that! So you run down the aisle to find the much needed butt fodder, when you realize you need dish soap. Oh geez, you begin to wonder if you will ever get anything right!  How come you didn't insist your daughter go to the store for you?

And so it begins

Forgetting the list could happen to anyone at any time, but if you have an extra quarter in your pocket your ADOS will kick in. As you pass by the Home improvement section a mirror catches your eye. In it you will find an image of your face, or at least something that used to resemble what you remember yourself looking like.

Now you’re embarrassed because it looks as though you have caterpillars growing over your eyes. Dish soap forgotten, you rush to the Health and Beauty section to find the ‘do it yourself’ wax only to discover you can’t find it. Without thought you speak aloud “OMG!! I Cannot believe that these people here at Walmart (insert your favorite store here) would allow me to walk around with these things growing out of my face!!” It isn’t until there are 3 different women looking at you that you realized you spoke aloud. Sheepishly you look at them, pointing to the bushes above your eyes and mumble something unintelligible while turning your back.

Oooo, lookie there!! You spy a nifty little buzzer thingy. That looks cool! You read the package, it’s for shaving your eyebrows. Well, it certainly should be less painful than ripping slabs of stuck on wax off. There would be no more drips on the lashes that sparkle in the light when you blink. If you pull it off… the lashes go with it (you have learned the hard way). Shaving is way better than having your 21 daughter year old tackle you and pluck the hairs one by one while she is holding you down with her body.

It's probably worse than the Twilight Zone

So you toss that in the cart, you have just entered the ADOS zone… 

You know you're done - when your cart is full

As your traveling much slower down the aisles now, you can feel the sense of comfort begin to wash over you. You need this, your eyebrows are hideous and they don’t carry wax anymore. All it needs is AAA batteries. Oooo batteries, so you run to the section where they keep the batteries. The package says you only need 1, well the clicker (TV remote) takes batteries, so you might as well buy the big package! As you saunter off to another section you begin to think of the clicker and putting in the batteries, that thought runs to the beside lamp. Oooo light bulbs!!

Now you’re off and running. On the way to the bulb section you catch a whiff of candles, Mmmmm the smell is heavenly. Well now we’re on a roll so we gotta stop and get some of those since the other ones got used. Oooo picture frames, yep I need some of those too have to hang up the pictures of the Grand babies.

You pass through the kitchen appliances just hoping that the ‘seal a meal’ is on sale because you can save tons of money freezing those extra goodies that might otherwise be thrown away. Oh well, it’s not on sale, but Oooo think of the money you could save!! Better get an extra box of those bags…

Oooo better get an extra skein of yarn so you can make some more of those dishcloths/mittens/scarves etc… that everyone loves. Upon looking up you realize that you are in the back of the store to get to the checkout you must pass everything else but there is still room in the cart for more!

Oooo, we need laundry soap! Yes, there is still ½ a bottle at home but you were planning on doing some serious cleaning which means lots of extra laundry, so better get some. Might as well get fabric softener and water softener too! Better get some of those dryer sheets just in case you forget to add the liquid softener. Oooo You need some of that smell good cleaner! The kind with the Febreeze in because with all the dogs, the house smells funny.

Dogs, dogs, dogs…. Oooo the cat needs litter! So now the rush is one to get to the pet department. Might as well get some dog and cat food while you’re here, they gotta eat too! Oooo, better get some of those chewy things for the dogs, the shoes can’t take any more damage. Oooo shoes, that’s what you were was going to buy! Just something to slip on your feet when you go out. Slip, Oooo slippers!! Geez, how could you forget those! Since you can only find 1 at home and you do have 2 feet…

The cart is starting to hit the over load by now and you still haven’t gotten milk! So off the grocery section you go. Milk, milk, milk… Oooo paper towels!

Now you're on a roll!

As you can see once the ADOS kicks in it’s pretty hard to stop! Getting thru the check out lines can be pretty daunting as well. Particularly if there are a lot of other shoppers, you have an opportunity to look in their baskets and see what else you may have missed in your shopping trip.

Then there are those displays of “As seen on TV” items! WOW!! You could really use an Snuggie, or maybe some of those ‘Green Bags’ to save all those fruits and veggies Oooo maybe a PedEgg your feet are pretty rough!

After paying entirely too much, yet happy that you have made some worthy purchases, you head out the door to load your supplies in the car.

You turn up the radio and sing along with the music all of a sudden there is a yard sale that you purposely ignored on the way. So you stop, it looks as though there is something interesting sitting right there!

You're a Money saver!

You slowly pass all the clothes, they don’t interest you, it’s all the kitchen gadgets that have caught your eye. Oooo a bread machine, blenders, electric mixers and Oooo there it is, the thing that you REALLY need…. A meat slicer. If you bought lunch meats in bulk, think of the money you could save! You almost drool as you gingerly pick it up and ask “Does this work?” You dicker back and forth with the person until you both come to a price that you both can live with.

Proud as a peacock you load your new meat slicer into the car and head on home, your mind filled with visions of money saving ideas.

You get home, unload the car, bringing in all your recently purchased items. You begin to unload the bags and put said items away when you realize that you forgot eggs and milk. Oh great! Well that will just have to wait.

You realize that your mantra did no good this time, you have spent all your grocery money on useless junk. You could return some of it back to the store but you know that one day you will use those items you have just purchased, at least once. Besides you can’t remember where you put the receipt.

As you try to find places for your ‘seal a meal’ and your meat slicer you start moving things around, Oooo here is the bread machine you bought last spring at that Garage Sale. You know, the one that didn’t come with instructions. Oooo homemade bread sounds good, lets just look online for a recipe. You run over to your computer to look up some recipes only to discover that you don’t have enough ingredients. Darn! Oooo a quick game of Euchre is just the thing you need for a little relaxation!

Side note- This Hub is intended for entertainment purposes only. It is not meant to be taken seriously, just a little insight into who I am.


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    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      I'm glad I was able to make you smile! I've recently discovered I suffer from this at a restaurant as well! My daughters took me out to eat last night, it took me forever to decide, then I ordered too much!!

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

    • SweetMarie83 profile image

      Marie Landry 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      This sounds like my life in a nutshell for sure haha...very funny, really enjoyed reading this!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      LOL Dave!! It must be!! I'm always telling the cashier - "I just came in for 'this' one thing!" as I need assistance getting my purchases to the car!

      Thanks for stopping by!

    • Dave Mathews profile image

      Dave Mathews 7 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

      I hate to say it this way but that sounds like a regular day in the life of a wife. Got to the store for 2 things and leave with 22. There's always something more lest we forget.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      When my husband and I go together, he too takes off with the cart, I can be found loading up my arms with all sorts of stuff- mostly useful... some useless.. chasing after him.

      I've found that if I don't use a cart then I'm done shopping when my arms are full!

      I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!

      Thanks for stopping by!

    • thougtforce profile image

      Christina Lornemark 7 years ago from Sweden

      This hub is really funny,and I found myself nodding to my self as I read it! It is almost impossible to walk in to a big store and just get what you come for and out arise when my husband comes along! Then, when I find something interesting as we walk in the store or if I divert from our path he is gone. When I turn around both him and the cart is gone! He is to fast for me, and have too much focus. But he comes back after he has been useful and collected the things we came for!

      You have done such a excellent hub, I so enjoyed reading it! Thanks for the entertainment!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      When I need 'just 1 thing', my husband pulls up ALWAYS tells me to 'hurry, just get what your going in for, don't dawdle, remember we are waiting in the car!" I ALWAYS come back with more than I went in for... Usually to placate those waiting I pick up something to nibble on!! They hate it/love it... if and when I just get the 1 thing, they are always surprised!!

      Thanks so much for stopping by... Wanna go shopping? LOL

    • Dusty Snoke profile image

      Dusty Snoke 7 years ago from Chattanooga, TN

      hilarious hub. I must admit, I am probably the only woman in America who does not suffer from ADOS. I am very go in, get what you need and get out. My husband on the other hand is extremely ADOS. On our last trip to walmart, his additions to the buggy doubled our grocery list.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      drbj - There is one way, and I have seriously tried but my kids hate it. I send them to the store to get what I need. Then they complain there is nothing to eat. I have a tendency to impulsive shop the good food. They say don't go shopping when you're hungry. Heck, that's when I get the BEST stuff!!

      Oh yes, Men get ADOS as well. This is exemplified by looking around my house! I will find household items in my refrigerator, hammer etc.. refrigerator items in the cupboards ie; milk or butter if it's a good day, both. It's when I find pipe wrenches and tools in my craft stuff that I begin to wonder... "What could he be doing over here?"

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting - So glad you enjoyed!

    • Mark Ewbie profile image

      Mark Ewbie 7 years ago from UK

      Great Hub, ADOS, love it. Not so much a problem for men of course - we just get what's on the list and bring ... wow, did you see that blonde walking down the street.

      Where was I? Oh yeah, ADOS, love it.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      I think ADOS, susie, is something most of us suffer from and outside of wearing horse blinkers, I can't think of a rational way to avoid it. Except perhaps leaving your money and credit cards at home.

      But then you might feel naked! :)

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      Yes it does... I'm so glad you enjoyed it and was able to shop in my shoes for a little while....

      You are most welcome, and thank you so much!

    • Pixienot profile image

      Pixienot 7 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana

      ADOS! Yeah, there is a name for that shopping disease. Sounds so much better than addict, doesn't it?

      I smiled all the way through and yes, saw my self way too many times.

      Still smiling. Thanks for the entertainment. You are a good writer.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      LOL Yep, I think it's because of all us ADOS sufferers that those 'As sold on TV' things get so popular.. I'm mean truly, what the heck do I need with a hard boiled egg sheller?? BTW, they don't work...blew the egg apart...

    • L.L. Woodard profile image

      L.L. Woodard 7 years ago from Oklahoma City

      Too funny and pretty sure I recognized myself in there from time to time.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      Yes, this is true... But If I get someone to go for me, then... I save money because they only get what is on the list. I will suffer through the disappointment when they don't come home with anything 'extra'...

      Glad you stopped by to read, with your busy schedule and all!

    • profile image

      SaraStrange 7 years ago

      Well there is a reason why this happens. U didn't take your daughter cuz u say she likes to pick out too many things but then she remembers what is on the list yet u can't take her because she makes you buy more things. Remember?

    • LillyGrillzit profile image

      Lori J Latimer 7 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      Yes, I am glad they added that. A pleasure to read.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      After I wrote it I thought.. hey why not I'll add those Amazon things... Couldn't hurt! Commented on a comment? You mean where you click the thingy at the bottom telling you that if someone comments you will get an e-mail? That is totally cool that they added it!!

      Thanks for voting, sharing and especially reading!!

    • LillyGrillzit profile image

      Lori J Latimer 7 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      FUNNY!!! I totally love this Hub, and I like the placement of the Amazon items! Excellent, I love readin... Oh, I got an email, someone commented on a comment.. sorry. I love Reading your Hubs! voted up and shared.