Hey Dope, Smoking Dope Is Illegal

I take a toke

and all my cares

go up in smoke

Thank you, Cheech and Chong, for the awesome tune “Up in Smoke.”

But I would add these lyrics:

Who cares about a ride in a black and white

Or a fine and probation and maybe a cell

‘Cuz all this hassle just ain’t right

I’m just a dope smoking dope, what the hell?

Now, I’m not saying you’re going to hell if you smoke dope. But your life just might become a living hell if you do. I’m not talking about crack cocaine. You’re a retard if you smoke that stuff. I’m referring to smoking cannabis. You know, weed, grass, Mary Jane, pot, wacky tobacky, and all those other pet names stoners have for it.

My main inspiration in writing this hub is another hub written by 18-year-old Steve Orion entitled “Thoughts of a Smoker: Is Marijuana Immoral?”

http://steveorion.hubpages.com/hub/Thoughts-of-a-Smoker-Is-Marijuana-Immoral

(All images are public domain as best as can be determined.)

I am quite fond of 18-year-olds like Steve who recently graduated from high school (See my hub “Why I’ll Miss High School (Top 10 Reasons)”, and are now college-bound. This article is mostly about the kind of advice I would give my daughter, should I deem it necessary.

The first question I would ask Steve Orion, based upon statements in his hub, is do you wanna smoke rope, or do you wanna smoke dope? Hemp and marijuana are not exactly the same thing, exactly. The wannabe (dope) head Steve isn’t getting a good buzz if he’s smoking hemp. It’s mostly about the delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinal, or lack thereof.

So who should we ask to get the straight skinny on a big fat doobie? Well, how about some of our presidents?

“I now have absolute proof that smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an H-bomb blast.” – Ronald Reagan –

“When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn’t like it, and I didn’t inhale, and I never tried again.” – Bill Clinton –

“When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.” – Barack Obama –

Obama’s dope smoking has been documented in his own memoir Dreams of My Father. Further information on Obama’s dope smoking can be found in the Washington Post’s David Maraniss’ new book Barack Obama: The Story. Apparently Barack was a gangbanger, a prominent member of the Choom Gang. Talk about a green initiative. He wouldn’t wait his turn for a hit, but instead would elbow in and shout “Intercepted!”

You know, I think Barack Obama is still a stoner, big time. What other explanation could there be? I mean, does the dude acts totally wasted or what? And I don’t think he smokes Bud Light.

Okay, forget the presidents. I don’t really think we are getting wise counsel there. What does God say? Not that Steve Orion probably cares. He appears to be a Godmocking pro-abortion pro-same sex marriage Obamamite, despite his young age. I wonder who indoctrinated him. Yeah, right. Get behind me, Satan. I mention indoctrination since he chose to give me a lesson on the subject on the hub “Do You Love America?” by rachellrobinson:

http://rachellrobinson.hubpages.com/hub/Do-you-love-America

What God says, in His letter to you and me and Steve, the Bible, is that we should abide by civil law if at all possible. Now, I could cite verse and verse, and I will do so if challenged on my statement. So Steve, you ask in your hub “Is Marijuana Immoral?” After you tell us all you smoke it.

The word “immoral” is defined in Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary (every college student should have one) as “conflicting with generally held moral principles.” The word “moral” is defined by that same dictionary as “conforming to a standard of right behavior.”

Let me give you a clue here, Steve. If it is illegal, it is most likely immoral. I see you live in Florida, Steve. Florida has some of the toughest drug laws in the U.S. You can be charged with a felony if you are caught with over 20 grams of marijuana.

Here’s what it says on the website of a prestigious Florida law firm:

“At the (deleted) Law Firm we are experienced in representing college and grad students in Florida who are charged with a criminal offense. For many students, the college or university will take immediate action to discipline or expel the student even if the student is not ultimately prosecuted or convicted of the criminal offense. Students interested in pursuing a career in the military, law enforcement, the legal profession, or the health care profession are particularly impacted.”

If you get busted, Steve, just give me a hit ‘er I mean hit me with me a message and I’ll give you the name of this law firm if you can’t find it.

You getting the message yet, Steve? You are just starting college, like my daughter. You are doing something illegal. If you get caught, you are screwed. Is it really worth it? Yeah, and what do your parents say about you smoking dope? I know what I’d say. She’s 18, like you, and she can spend her money on dope if she wants to, but then who is going to pay for her car and insurance, cell phone, college expenses (no student loans for her, guess who is picking up the slack on that), et al? And no dope is smoking dope in my house.

Let me tell you another story, Steve. In the county where I live arrests are published in the newspaper. Arrests for DUI and possession of a controlled substance and even shoplifting and the like. A rather rural county, and I guess the paper is grasping for news straws. But you can go to the court house in a more populated county and get arrest information if it’s not published in the paper.

Let me tell you why that matters, Steve. Just one reason, other than maybe all your neighbors will find out you’re a dope head if you get busted. Yeah, and then they might throw all the weeds from their gardens into your yard. Do you have a car, Steve? Do you think auto insurance is too expensive for a teenage driver? Do you want it to be more expensive?

Get busted for drugs (or something else like DUI) and I’ll be happy to explain to you how your auto insurance is going to be more expensive, for years. There goes hundreds and possibly thousands of dollars you won’t have to spend on illegal drugs. Your auto insurance company just might find out about your drug arrest and cancel your insurance. That means you go on high risk insurance at a much higher premium. But hey, you can always ride a bicycle. Now how do I know about all this auto insurance business? Just ask me and I’ll tell you, dude.

And a final message, Steve. Marijuana doesn’t set you free, bud man. Jesus does.

If you want to smoke grass, Steve, I'll lend you my lawnmower. But you fail if you want me to get you out of jail.

Well, enough about serious matters like drugs. I think I’ll go write some recipe hubs. For hash brownies, space cakes, Mary Jane cookies, and the like. Yum yum. I can’t understand why I’m so hungry all of a sudden.

I might add that smoking dope also makes a guy's sperm act dumb and dumber too. Seriously. Here's an article right here on HubPages entitled "Does smoking pot really make guys infertile?" by Science Matters:

http://sciencematters.hubpages.com/hub/Does-smoking-pot-really-make-guys-infertile