How Expanded Awareness Brings Enhanced Health

Throughout my book "Thoughts From My Gift of Cancer" I tell how my pursuit of love through the perceived adoration of being a saint drove me to almost destroy myself with the relentless self analysis and identification with image. Even after all this time that identification with an inner image of perfection remains and I can still slip into defences and rigidity when I forget myself. Sometimes I am still to be found defending against unseen monsters.

Bless me!

When I studied on a Finnish language course (what a complicated language!) I also practised expanded conscious awareness so that I could recognise and remain mindful of my true choices.

These choices ranged between creating perfectly constructed and grammatically correct sentences which would enhance my inner image of so called perfection and communicating and expressing myself in Finnish in order to connect with folk.

The two extreme points are not actually mutually exclusive but if I spend all my time constructing perfection, checking it again and again until I am absolutely sure I haven't made any mistakes so that it lives up to my inner image of utopia then I am completely absorbed and sucked in by the pursuit of effortful perfection i.e. I believe 100% in a world wherein I can fail!

Is that the world I am really still choosing to construct after all I've recognised this past decade?

No, it's not but I do recognise the feathery strands and roots of that original belief and thought have run deep and spread holographically throughout all. It's a bit like recognising that I don't want a world with plasticine only to recognise that my whole world is made of plasticine! Awareness is a key factor enabling me to step out of the spreading roots before they strangle me.

It's easy to get caught up in roots and strands which pervade everything and then start fighting with them and against them, trying to slash them in order to break free.

This creates a cosmic struggle wherein we are fighting against ourselves, destroying ourselves unknowingly whilst believing we are saving ourselves from unknown and random roots invading and pervading our space.

Without awareness we don't recognise who created the roots and strands. Without awareness we don't recognise the roots and strands as a self created defence mechanism.

Without awareness we don't recognise how our own defence mechanisms will strengthen and grow when they are attacked. Without awareness we don't recognise how attack confirms the beliefs that defences are needed!

Without awareness we don't see we are both attacker and defender locked in a battle which can never be won. Such is the cosmic struggle of many of us.

Without awareness it appears we are offered no choices.

When an "enemy" knocks on the door, instead of attacking them, invite them in for a cup of tea. Sit down and get to know them. Discover what they represent. Unmask them.

Because when we take the time to recognise, explore, hear, see, acknowledge and understand our "enemy" we recognise our enemy is ourself.

When we sit quietly and unmask our enemy only to recognise that it is our own self would we continue to fight and try to destroy it?

Whilst I defended so hard against not being perfect I erroneously and unknowingly destroyed those parts of myself I considered "not good enough". When you eat yourself up like that it manifests as the physical form we know as "cancer" Not knowing any better all those years ago I set about trying to destroy the cancer as if it were some random and chance event unconnected to my thoughts and beliefs.

Soon I recognised my cancer as a gift starkly showing me the darkness to remind me to bring light into my life. I began sitting down with my "enemies" and "demons" to explore my reasons for creating such defences and perpetuating such unobtainable images of perfection. My "enemy" was always defending out of fear and I had always attacked back out of fear.

When I recognised my "enemy" as me and my cancer as my physically manifested defence I turned to love. Love begets love. When all is loved and accepted I have no reason to defend and with no reason to defend I have no need of defences. With no defences I have no cancer.

With no defences everything is open to the light and when the light shines through there is no place for dark.

Not easy but simple.