How To Accept Things The Way They Are?
What is Acceptance
Acceptance basically means to acknowledge your current situation as it is, be it bad or good. It is the key to living a rich fulfilling life. Just like when we are sick we have to take bitter pills just so we can become better. So it is with accepting our reality, that we can lead a happy and peaceful life.
A lot of people have misunderstood the meaning of acceptance, thinking it is to just give up on life and let things be the way they are, avoid to take any action to make our life any better. A lot of people have this belief that if we want to change something about ourselves or about our life, we should not accept things the way they are and fight to achieve what it is we desire to have in our life.
It is true that we should work hard and smart in order to achieve the life we always want to live, but we cannot do this if we do not accept our current situation at this present moment. Acceptance is the first thing you need to do in order to get a grip on your current life situation and change it the way you want it. A person who doesn't accept his/her current situation is in denial. He/she will not solve problems but merely run from it until it comes back to them in a more terrible way. Problems should be solved not run a way from.
So, considering that acceptance mean to come to terms with the present reality, how on earth can we make a change in the current situation of our life, if we are not even in touch with reality? In order to understand which parts of our lives we want to change we need to be able to objectively see and understand the various aspect of our present life style. To try to improve our current situation by running away from reality is like a doctor running away in the middle of a surgery because he/she is scared of the tumor appearing right there. In order for a doctor to perform surgery successfully he/she should not react to the view of tumor, blood and other such things.
Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices.
— Paul Tournier
Can an alcoholic get rid of their bad habits if they are in denial? No. You can do your research. All of your research will only show you the people who go to rehab for various addiction goes there because they have ACCEPTED the fact that they are suffering from an addiction and they want to get better. And they do get better.
Acceptance help us in achieving our goals and dreams in a peaceful and less stressful manner. Stress and frustration only happens due to our inability to accept our current situation. The problem with most people in this world is that they can't accept it when bad things happen to them, they cannot face reality. They then start doing things that they will regret such as an attempt to suicide, they go through divorce, they behave with violence and hatred and will just make their life more miserable.
Acceptance for kids and our future generation.
A lot of schools are making their students loose touch with reality. Many competitions held by schools nowadays makes sure that no student looses. Everyone is a winner and everyone gets a certificate or a medal or a trophy. The student who comes last in a racing competition is not a looser he is the “last winner” and he too will get a trophy similar to the one who actually won, the one who worked hard and trained so he/she will get first place.
I have read of a recent incident where a children thanksgiving egg hunting competition was stopped because parents cheated to make sure their children won and got the most egg. Parents and teachers should teach their children to learn how to face loss, and defeat in a graceful manner. Acceptance should be a school subject. It should be taught early in life.
If this continues then we will only teach our future generation the art of denial. For how long can they deny? They will grow up, they will get jobs, and I guarantee you one of their bosses will give them a dose of reality, what then?
How will he/she cope with breakup, peer pressure, divorce, loss, bankruptcy, the loss of loved one, getting fired? Eventually he/she will have to face reality, isn't it better if we can teach them early on how to face reality?
Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.
— Dennis Waitley
Taking Action and Acceptance in marital relationships.
Of course merely accepting our situation and not doing anything about it is also wrong. Actions have to be taken if we want to improve ourselves. Actions without acceptance, however, are not actions, they are reactions. Reactions are simply actions we do without thinking, which is rash and based on our emotions. When our spouse argues with us and we start throwing utensils that is just us getting overpowered by our emotions and we can think objectively, we are not accepting. Believe it or not, throwing plates and fork will not solve problems, it will only create more problem.
To solve a problem we should first accept our current situation, which is why we are arguing with our spouse in the first place. Find out why this problem has occurred that is causing a rift between you and your spouse and then work together to fix it.
I admit this may be hard, and I also admit that fighting occurs in every married couple. Any married couple who tells you that they have been married for years and never had a fight are either gods, or are simply living a life which is in denial and trying to look like they are made for each other in front of the public. This will only become a time bomb. Where they will both end up getting frustrated because they are tired of acting all in love and will eventually explode. When this happens it is very hard to mend the relationship back.
Conclusion
Acceptance may not make you a millionaire, it is not about changing the situation and the life you are living at the moment. It is about changing your attitude on the situation you are currently in. Acceptance will not turn your hut into a mansion, but it will make you feel like you are living in one. It will make you happy with yourself and be at peace with whatever your surrounding maybe. If your surrounding changes because you changed then that is a bonus, be accepting because you want to be peaceful and happy and get rid of all the stress and worry. Besides, what better way to live your life other than being happy and being at peace with yourself and your situation?
