ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Are You Getting (Sort Of) Fat?

Updated on January 10, 2012
Janice would never be sort of fat. She's too busy being simultaneously hugely friendly and terrifyingly aggressive.
Janice would never be sort of fat. She's too busy being simultaneously hugely friendly and terrifyingly aggressive.

Before you can get fat, you have to get sort of fat first. If we can recognize our 'sort of fatness', then we might be able to avoid being badly overweight altogether. As someone who has become 'sort of fat' in the latter part of my twenties, I feel I have a lot to share on this subject.

You might be 'sort of fat' if:

  • Your BMI is in the 'overweight' category, but only just. For instance, my BMI is currently 25.5 . Now, the cut off for 'overweight' is 25. That means I am just in the overweight category, ie, sort of fat. I could pretend like this isn't an issue, but it sort of is. You see how that works?
  • If you spend more than five minutes trying to re-jig your BMI calculations to make it seem like you're not sort of fat, you're sort of fat. If you're subtracting a pound for 'water weight' and claiming an extra half inch of height just to stay out of the overweight category, you're too late, you're already sort of fat.
  • Your clothes still fit, but they're tight and need adjustments. You've no idea how versatile and occasionally nebulous the concept of 'Size 14' really is. If you can still wear the jeans you've always worn, but now the top buttons stays undone and they ride low on your hips to avoid your new belly bulge and love handles, you may be sort of fat.
  • You've been in a relationship for two or more years. The biggest indicator for getting sort of fat is getting into a stable relationship in which you both mutually agree to let yourselves go in a sort of dual symphony of lard. This doesn't apply to couples who are very physically active and eat a lot of tofu, but then again, not much does apply to them. They are somewhat transcendent beings we can only look upon in awe.
  • You fall out of your lady underwear. Ladies who are putting on a few pounds may start to find that their tried and true underwear can no longer contain their upper body. You know what I mean even though I'm dancing around this like a Puritan at a forbidden maypole dance. Chances are, if you're putting on weight in your bosom, you're putting on weight everywhere else as well. The same goes for underwear that's now splitting at the sides. Workmanship hasn't been decreasing in the sweatshop, it's you, and your sort of fatness.

It's easy to shy away from or even ignore sort of fatness, but it's important that we don't. Not because a few pounds are a massive deal that redefine us as people, but because great journeys begin with single steps, and becoming seriously overweight starts by being sort of fat.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      fattie-get-cookie 5 years ago

      I only realized I was 'sort of fat' when my brassiers got way tighter. Rather than working it off, I chose the easy way to go about things - bought myself new undergarments and loving my sort of fatness...Not!

      Funny stuff, Hopealexander! :D

    • maryhoneybee profile image

      maryhoneybee 5 years ago from Richmond, Virginia

      "Dual symphony of lard"! That's funny, this whole hub was. Thanks for putting a more lighthearted spin on a topic that follows modern day America around every moment.

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 6 years ago from home


      well written funny good read two thumbs and a raised eyebrow up...


    • AnkushKohli profile image

      Ankush Kohli 6 years ago from India

      Agreeing with cbl, I would like to say, there is nothing wrong in being sort of fat. I believe the control from there on is of great importance.

    • cbl2988 profile image

      cbl2988 6 years ago from Mesa, Arizona

      Good Hub. Just a note: BMI is a terrible metric for determining if your are "sort of fat". It wasn't even invented for that purpose, nor is it reliable as a person with low body fat but high muscle mass could still qualify as overweight even though he or she is really fit! So don't feel bad about the BMI.