How can stress impede our thoughts?
Depression and meditation
How can stress impede our thoughts?
Well I have been suffering with depression for....well,actually I can not actually tell you. Since I can remember. You see. I was never actually helped with it as a child. My mother was of the train of thought that children could not suffer from ailments such as these. How wrong was she!?
I took an overdose at 15 years old. Managed to almost do it. My mother refused to take me home until they " sorted me". They referred me to a therapist who said I had a problem with authority. Well you would too if your father was a policeman but all you saw was him nearly killing your mother. That kind of took the rose tint off the big safe policeman impression.
She also stated that my mother needed to be more caring and listen to me a bit more. Yup, you guessed right. That was the end of that and I never got taken back to visit that therapist or any other. She had not got the answer that she was wanting. She wanted confirmation that I was a problem child. And not a child who had been damaged through seeing her mother being beaten and lack of affection off her mother, Anyway, boo hoo. I grew up and dealt with it on my own. There is always a lesson to be had. Mine was that I am a survivor. Well, on my good days I am. On a bad day I struggle to get through the monotony of life. Everything is hard work. I am lucky if I remember appointments, dates, times, things I need to get done.
In my head I would feel stressy and like I was running around like a headless chicken. Hundreds of disorganised thoughts running through my head, but not one I could pin down and get a handle on.
By the time I got to bed time, I realised that I had not done more than was necessary to get through the day. And then because things were a mess, the mess upset me and stressed me out even more.
Finally I could not take any more. I went to see my doctor and begged for help. No, this was not the be all and end all. You see, the doctors must get loads of people trying to pull a fast one, and they don't want to throw pills at every one. So I was sent away to live in my own hell. With the words from the doctor that I was dealing with stress and anxiety and it was just my workload that was doing it.
However. I could not breathe and felt like things were collapsing in on me. With three children and a husband to look after, that just wasn't an option. But I could not organise myself at all. So I went back. I think this was what the doctor was waiting to see if I did. I saw a different doctor who gave me the time I needed to explain everything. He put me on Fluoxetine, otherwise known as Prozac.That was far from the end of my problem and I am still on the tablets now. However, I can now think straight and only have episodes of depression instead of one big long one. Funnily enough, I do not think it is stress and socially related as that first doctor did. I also had the Mirena Coil fitted after having my fourth child, and the hormones in that seem to have made me feel calmer also.
I do not know how long I will be on these tablets. And I no longer feel any shame in taking them. I have met so many women who are embarrassed and in awe that I am so honest. But that is what is needed, because that is half the battle, having confidence in your recovery.
I now have room in my head to think, make organised thoughts and it does not feel so crowded in my own head any more.
Short term memory is affected with depression and stress because of the hormone imbalance. So give yourself a fighting chance and get some help if you even feel similar to how I use to.