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How do you love someone who is dieing

Updated on June 2, 2012

To Mary Ellen

When family members are diagnosed with a terminal illness some of us will not automatically be accepting of their fate. How can I be strong is what most will ask?

First of all it's no ones choice to get cancer or any other terminal illness but the most important thing to remember is IT IS WHAT THEY WANT NOT YOU!

So many families fight over what should happen. They must take chemotherapy to make their life of hell longer. They must do this because we can't let go. They must spend their only time left being miserable and sick because we are selfish and need them to stay around. They must suffer for us, for family, because we need them.

Working in oncology I have realized this: When someone is diagnosed with stage four cancer their odds of survival are pretty slim, especially if it is mestatic and has invaded other organs. I sat one day and thought to myself why are these people spending their last moments here getting chemo when they told me they didn't want it? Because their families told them they had to do it. They had to stay around and be miserable because it was what they wanted not what the patient wanted.

Love them, don't make their life hell. They really don't want to live the rest of their days sick, throwing up, dehydrated, not eating, spending hours hooked up to an IV instead of being somewhere they really wanted to be.

Cancer is an ugly face and it does not discriminate. If your loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness let the decision be theirs not yours. Let them decide how they will spend their last days. Hug them, love them, take them on a trip they always wanted to go, be their support not their burden. Don't worry about what they eat, if they smoke, or drink. Does it really matter now?

We always want to tell our families what to do but it's not your choice, it's not whats good for you, it's not even about you. IT'S ABOUT THEM.

Let them go with dignity. Let them go with as little problems that is necessary. Get your self in order so that you can help them go in peace.

So many times we think about our selves and are selfish trying to do eveything to keep them alive for US not them and they do it for Us not themselves.

If you truly love your family, then let go and let God. Don't force them in to a decision that was not what they wanted but you guilted them because you are selfish.

Love them unconditionally no matter what decision they make. Just remember if it was you how would you feel being made to do something that someone else wanted you to do and not really what you wanted.

We can not live forever and everyone has a day to die just as they had a day to be born. If you love them unconditionally then you won't be selfish to make them stay when they can be at so much more peace if they go.

You will see them again and yes we all will miss them, but making someone suffer out of your own selfishness is just not right.

Too many times I have seen families fighting in the hall way of the hospital wondering if they should pull the plug. But ask yourself would that person really want to live in a vegetative state?

We put our animals to sleep so they don't suffer but we keep humans alive to suffer more. is that even fair or just?

Don't let your personal feelings get in the way of doing what is right.

I love you Mary Ellen soon you will be an angel in heaven at God's feet. I hope your suffering will be minimal and that you will go peacefully.


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    • DearBandit profile image

      DearBandit 5 years ago

      You wrote a hub that is not an easy subject to write about or to really talk about in my option. I agree with you, and I think that you should let the person do what they want to do.

      You are right we cannot live forever; it makes me to open my eyes and to see that it’s not worth it to be grumpy and mean to other people. You never know when your time is up, or when another person’s time is up.

      Voted up, well written!

    • pippap profile image

      pippap 5 years ago from Surrey, BC

      I lost my mother two years by her choice. With dialysis she may have managed another two years; but, she didn't want that. She had had enough of the pain.

      You are right. There should be no arguments. It is their death, it should be according to their wishes - no matter how you and/or the family may feel.

      One day it will be your death. Do you want others making your final days miserable by fighting and ignoring your wishes?

      Voted up.

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Beautiful and cuts right to the quick. Voted up and more.

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