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When Someone is Terminally Ill You Must Go By Their Wishes Not Yours.

Updated on September 16, 2017
Author Cheryl profile image

I have been a member of Hub pages going on five years. I have published 8 books and write in many genres. Writing is my passion.

To Mary Ellen

When family members are diagnosed with a terminal illness some of us will not automatically be accepting of their fate. How can I be strong is what most will ask?

First of all it's no ones choice to get cancer or any other terminal illness but the most important thing to remember is IT IS WHAT THEY WANT NOT YOU!

So many families fight over what should happen. They must take chemotherapy to make their life of hell longer. They must do this because we can't let go. They must spend their only time left being miserable and sick because we are selfish and need them to stay around. They must suffer for us, for family, because we need them.

Working in oncology I have realized this: When someone is diagnosed with stage four cancer their odds of survival are pretty slim, especially if it is mestatic and has invaded other organs. I sat one day and thought to myself why are these people spending their last moments here getting chemo when they told me they didn't want it? Because their families told them they had to do it. They had to stay around and be miserable because it was what they wanted not what the patient wanted.

Love them, don't make their life hell. They really don't want to live the rest of their days sick, throwing up, dehydrated, not eating, spending hours hooked up to an IV instead of being somewhere they really wanted to be.

Cancer is an ugly face and it does not discriminate. If your loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness let the decision be theirs not yours. Let them decide how they will spend their last days. Hug them, love them, take them on a trip they always wanted to go, be their support not their burden. Don't worry about what they eat, if they smoke, or drink. Does it really matter now?

We always want to tell our families what to do but it's not your choice, it's not whats good for you, it's not even about you. IT'S ABOUT THEM.

Let them go with dignity. Let them go with as little problems that is necessary. Get your self in order so that you can help them go in peace.

So many times we think about our selves and are selfish trying to do eveything to keep them alive for US not them and they do it for Us not themselves.

If you truly love your family, then let go and let God. Don't force them in to a decision that was not what they wanted but you guilted them because you are selfish.

Love them unconditionally no matter what decision they make. Just remember if it was you how would you feel being made to do something that someone else wanted you to do and not really what you wanted.

We can not live forever and everyone has a day to die just as they had a day to be born. If you love them unconditionally then you won't be selfish to make them stay when they can be at so much more peace if they go.

You will see them again and yes we all will miss them, but making someone suffer out of your own selfishness is just not right.

Too many times I have seen families fighting in the hall way of the hospital wondering if they should pull the plug. But ask yourself would that person really want to live in a vegetative state?

We put our animals to sleep so they don't suffer but we keep humans alive to suffer more. is that even fair or just?

Don't let your personal feelings get in the way of doing what is right.

I love you Mary Ellen soon you will be an angel in heaven at God's feet. I hope your suffering will be minimal and that you will go peacefully.

Hold Their Hand and Tell Them You Love Them

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The Final Stages of Life

Some people have terminal illnesses and must face the fact that they will soon die. This is scary for the person who is sick and for those around them. Your friend may be in pain, may be bedridden, may be able to walk only a few steps, or may be confused. It’s hard to watch someone you care about go through this process of decline

Be there for them! No matter how hard it may be, it’s still important to try to be there for your friend. They may feel lonely even if there are people around. This is because the people nearby may not be really in tune with what’s going on with them. Just by staying close and listening with a smile or gentle touch, you show you are there. It takes courage and extra energy to do this.

Talking about death and dying with a loved one is not only normal but what they want to do. They are scared of the process and what will happen to them. Sit there and listen to them. Get the appropriate person to explain these things to them and make sure they are comfortable.

Many people worry about what to say when a person talks about dying. But this is a common topic when facing cancer. Some people want to talk about the dying process.

Some people who know they’re going to die feel the need to get some things off their chests. They may want to talk about some of the things they did in their life that they’re not proud of or that they regret. They may want to apologize for these things. They may want to give you advice about the lessons they learned or instructions about what to do for them in the future. Respectfully listening and, of course, offering forgiveness and a loving attitude are often all that’s necessary. There are no magic words for the dying person, but often your presence is all that’s needed, and having an open heart is priceless. (American Cancer Society)

Beyonce Fullfills 12 Year Old Terminally Ill Patient

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Make A Wish Foundation Provides Terminally Ill Children With Their Last Wishes

Make a dream come true is their priority. People of all ages can submit their request to Make A Wish Foundation for a terminally ill child. They have been providing wishes for over 30 years.

Wishes are more than just a nice thing. A wish experience can be a game-changer for a child with a life-threatening medical condition.

This one belief guides us in everything we do at Make-A-Wish. It inspires us to grant wishes that change the lives of the kids we serve. It compels us to be creative in exceeding the expectations of every wish kid. It drives us to make our donated resources go as far as possible.

Most of all, it's the founding principle of our vision to grant the wish of every eligible child.

Wishes are more than just a nice thing. And they are far more than gifts, or singular events in time. Wishes impact everyone involved - wish kids, volunteers, donors, sponsors, medical professionals and communities. The impact varies. For wish kids, just the act of making their wish come true can give them the courage to comply with their medical treatments. Parents might finally feel like they can be optimistic. And still others might realize all they have to offer the world through volunteer work or philanthropy.

Whatever the odds, whatever the obstacles wishes find a way to make the world better. (Make-A-Wish Foundation)

"We grant the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions to enrich the human experience with hope, strength and joy. ”

Spread Some Fairy Dust

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What You Have Left After Your Loved One Dies

During the time a terminally person is ill but still can get around, make memories, laugh, enjoy life, be spontaneous. Memories of good times never leave our hearts. It is very hard to think that person who has been in your life forever will be gone.

Whether it is a parent, child or friend, you must make memories. When you think of that person don't be sad. Think of something silly they did to keep you laughing. It's harder on them to see you stressed then combating their own illnesses.

Live with them, Love them and Laugh with them until we meet again.

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    • DearBandit profile image

      DearBandit 5 years ago

      You wrote a hub that is not an easy subject to write about or to really talk about in my option. I agree with you, and I think that you should let the person do what they want to do.

      You are right we cannot live forever; it makes me to open my eyes and to see that it’s not worth it to be grumpy and mean to other people. You never know when your time is up, or when another person’s time is up.

      Voted up, well written!

    • pippap profile image

      pippap 5 years ago from Surrey, BC

      I lost my mother two years by her choice. With dialysis she may have managed another two years; but, she didn't want that. She had had enough of the pain.

      You are right. There should be no arguments. It is their death, it should be according to their wishes - no matter how you and/or the family may feel.

      One day it will be your death. Do you want others making your final days miserable by fighting and ignoring your wishes?

      Voted up.

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Beautiful and cuts right to the quick. Voted up and more.