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How to Avoid Being an Emotional Vampire

Updated on April 11, 2019
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Daniel is an award-winning composer/author/publisher and public speaker. He speaks about life's difficulties in an inspiring way.

Positive and Negative Energy

There is so much about energy—positive and negative—that influences our day. Sometimes we cause it ourselves, and sometimes it's caused by external forces. Sometimes, it's just a result of biochemical shifts inside us. Such is the journey of life and the adventures of the human body.

When negative energy consumes us and ruins our day, we often become that energy. When someone whom we feel is positive comes along and our energy changes to positive, we often mistake them as our savior. We can begin to expect them to repeat the process of "saving" us from our own negativity over and over again. We actually become dependent on them to change our energy, when in fact, we must do it for ourselves. When they are not available to "save" us, we become victims because they weren't available when we needed them, and we begin to resent them, instead of taking responsibility for accepting our circumstances and working to change our own situations and energy flow. Such dependence is commonly referred to as "codependence." People who act this way frequently are commonly called Emotional Vampires. They literally suck the energy out of you because they have become dependant on you and others to give it to them.

Resistance of reality will only perpetuate suffering. Acceptance gives us a starting place to change things for the better.
Resistance of reality will only perpetuate suffering. Acceptance gives us a starting place to change things for the better.

Remember That Little Annoying Saying, "Resistance Is Futile"?

The problem for most of us, in regard to negativity, is always about resistance. Resistance can be a good thing for many things in life, but not when it comes to accepting our reality. The more we resist negative experiences and feelings, the more we suffer. However, it's important to understand that acceptance is not resignation. Acceptance is more about calmly recognizing, not desperately fighting against. One way to accept is to "observe" what you are feeling as if you were observing another person. You could recognize and observe by saying to yourself something like "Wow. I'm really in a horrible mood today. I'm having huge negative thoughts." Since you observe them, you don't have to become those feelings. You suddenly realize you have the power to separate yourself from your negative energy. It's still there, but now you begin to realize you have a choice about how you act towards it. This is an important technique that takes a lot of practice, but it works.

The Key

The key is to remove desperate feelings by reestablishing calm. When those desperate feelings do go away calm has a chance to return. At that point, we empower ourselves to change the negative energy to positive. If you accept that you changed the energy, then you empower yourself to do it over and over again. If you become dependent on someone else to do it for you, you give them all your power, and when they are not available, you become a victim and blame them for not helping you when you were desperate.

Reestablish Calm and You'll See Where to Go

Look At It This Way—

But, When You Think About It . . .

What would a life look like that was only filled with one kind of energy? How can you comprehend light from dark, if there is only light? How could you ever appreciate the profound effect of joy if there was never any sorrow? What if all these amazing experiences ranging from catastrophic and traumatic, to elation and happiness help make our lives complete, full and rich? What if our darkest experiences lead to the brightest opportunities for us to learn, adapt, grow, find purpose and joy? That would mean that everything can be turned around for our good. That's rather startling. It means even terrible, traumatic experiences can be turned around somehow as a way to something positive, useful, or a course change to happiness. But the secret is that there is no obligation to do that. It's simply up to us. But if we do, imagine the change of direction for the better!

So When You Have a Bad Day...

It's important to realize that bad days scattered among good ones are completely normal. When you have a bad day, you don't have to become it. When you accept that you don't like how your day is going, when you accept that your thoughts are not very good, you consciously acknowledge where you are, but it doesn't mean you have given up. It just means that you don't have to resist things that you cannot control. It means you have the power to act independently of what is happening. You have a choice in changing your thoughts and actions, even if your situation and circumstances are miserable. A good example of this is when something miserable or tragic happens you frequently hear stories of someone doing something wonderful. This is a perfect example of someone generating their own positive energy to reverse the negative energy of the circumstances. It didn't diminish the severity of those circumstances, but it did generate hope and a sense that things will work out.

Now that you know what codependence and being an Emotional Vampire are, you also have an understanding of how not to become either of them. Your relationships will blossom if you commit to generating your own energy. You'll be independent of crowd mentality. You'll begin to show the traits of a natural leader. And when Emotional Vampires show up, you'll know you can either work with them or walk away. That's not only you generating your own energy but also accepting and realizing your own power.

© 2013 Daniel Carter


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