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How to Focus on Yourself and Become Independent

Updated on July 23, 2018
Dylan Buckley profile image

Dylan is a freelance writer specializing in self-development, cryptocurrency, and business who loves producing helpful content.


For the last couple of years, I would definitely have considered myself an independent person. Although there were people I talked to, my focus was on myself at the end of the day and I didn't rely on anyone else to bring me joy. I was constantly pushing forward in life and figuring out how I could better myself as well as my future. In short, I was absolutely focused on myself and not worried about what anyone else was doing or about anything that was happening around me.

Fast forward a couple of months and I found myself in a new roommate situation that was far better than the one I was previously in. Something about living with all of these kind people reignited a desire within me to connect with others and to start being focused on my social life again. However, with this new and intense desire, I was quickly absorbed in the life of others and I found that my focus had become to geared towards what was going on in my friends' lives rather than what was happening on my own.

I wouldn't say that my life has suffered greatly because of this shift in focus but I definitely can tell you that I am not where I should be at the moment and that realization has drastically affected me. If you know that you have become too focused on other peoples' lives rather than your own, here is how you can break free of your dependence on others and shift the focus back to yourself.

1. Create Some Space

Space is always necessary when you want to create a change in how you interact with others. Why? Well, when you create space between yourself and another person or other people, you also create space between your emotions and thoughts about those people and you give yourself time to think more logically about how these relationships are affecting you. When I say that you need to create space, it doesn't mean that you need to separate yourself from these people entirely. It simply means that you need to spend less time around them so that you are better able to notice possible unhealthy patterns with how you interact and think about these people. With space comes clarity and with clarity comes change!

2. Come Up With a Personal Goal List

When you realize that you haven't been as present in your own life as you should be, it can be overwhelming. There is so much that you need to catch up on and it can be tempting to run away from it and back to your own ways rather than taking responsibility and moving forward. However, it is important that you do move forward. Sit down and take some time to think about your own personal goals and what you need to do to reach them. Depending on how much time you've spent too involved in other peoples' lives, you may have very little or a lot of catching up to do. No matter how much you have to do though, know that it is necessary and helpful in the end.

3. Start Taking Action, No Matter How Small

Once you've developed your list, start taking action. It doesn't matter how small the steps are, it only matters that you move forward. When you begin to see that you do have control over your life and that you can make huge leaps and bounds once you start becoming more involved, it will become addicted. You will find that it is much more rewarding to involve yourself in your own life rather than concerning yourself with your friends' lives.

4. Follow Through

The biggest thing about change is that it is difficult. If it were easy to change your life, there would be no need for self-improvement content. No matter how difficult things become when you start trying to make changes in your life, do not give up. If you allow yourself to give up and walk away from the change you want to make, it will be harder to walk away from your old habits when you begin going back to them. Keep pushing forward and follow through on your goals and the results will come.

5. Find Happiness in Your Own Success

For me personally, I am happiest when I am successful in my own life. Yes, being involved in other peoples' lives is rewarding in some way, shape, or form or else we wouldn't get so involved. However, we end up staying there because we see our own lives falling apart while we become too immersed in another person's. When we feel as though there is no use in going back, we stick with our dependency and refuse to try to recover what we lost. Being successful and following through on goals is the best way to snap ourselves out of it and to get back on track. Believe in yourself, work hard, and happiness will follow!

The biggest thing that you have to realize is that you are doing this for you. We often become too dependent on others because we are not happy enough with who we are on our own. The truth is that you are more than enough and that everything you want to be able to do is already within your grasp. All you have to do is put in a little effort. Does this content resonate with you? Did you find this piece helpful or was there something you thought was missing? Let me know in the comment section below.

How to Start Focusing on Yourself

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