How to Overcome Insecurities
Everyone on the face of the planet has some form of an insecurity that they have battled with or fight against every day. Some insecurities run deeper than others, while others can easily be dealt with by just by trying to change and experiencing new things.
These insecurities can not be overcome unless you want to deal with them yourself. The change has to come from within you. If it comes from any other force, such as parents, friends or a love interest, you won't be able to give your 100% into fighting against it.
Do you consider yourself to be in control of your insecurities?
A wonderful talk about how to look at yourself through other people's eyes.
What is an Insecurity?
For some reason we often find ourselves comparing certain qualities to others. We find ourselves lacking and others more desirable. An insecurity is formed from bad experiencing, being overly critical of ourselves, being afraid of judgement, and not giving ourselves the opportunity to fail.
Part of overcoming insecurities is finding out who you are and learning to accept yourself. This is not something that happens overnight and usually requires a lot of dedication and effort.
A lot of people say that this stage happens in your 20s and that it definitely is a part of high school. There's a lot of self discovery and figuring out to do. You're always learning about yourself and others throughout your life, but try to control your own judgement.
The more you judge and compare yourself to others, the more negative you'll see yourself. Trust me, there's a huge difference in someone who doesn't like themselves (or certain qualities about themselves) and someone who is confident about who they are (they may still wish they could change certain things, but they accept that they are who they are or work toward making themselves better).
The Solution: Ask Yourself One Simple Question
Whenever I am faced with dealing with my shyness, or trying something new, I always ask myself "Will I look back tomorrow and regret this?"
There's nothing worse than missing an opportunity and then thinking that you should have just gone for it the day later. You should have asked that girl out. You should have tried dancing. You shouldn't have been so darn self conscious and just lived in the moment.
Asking yourself this question will help you to become who you want to be and will give you power. I've found that I am more open to trying new things (even if I fail) if I just tell myself that I don't want to regret being afraid of trying something new. This is a very powerful question and has helped me break through and feel more confident about myself. The more that I push myself to try more things, the more I feel like I can do them. This leads me to feel more confident about myself.
And guess what, people didn't care if I was bad at something or had a weird reaction or first thought. More often than not, people will laugh and be happy that you were willing to put yourself on the spot. It shows that you have courage and confidence. You might be self conscious in the moment, but the more chances you take and the more you're okay with taking those risks, the easier it will come.
This doesn't have to be going bungee jumping either. It could be as simple as trying to dance for the first time, or trying a new food for the first time.
Push Negative Thoughts Away
Whenever you find yourself being hard on yourself and thinking bad things about yourself, ignore them. Push the thought away. It may be hard at first, but if you keep at it, it'll become easier and easier each time. Eventually you'll find these thoughts don't come around anymore and that you'll begin to feel better about yourself.
Don't be too Hard on Yourself
One thing to remember is to not be too hard on yourself. Learning to like how you look, or learning how to speak to other people takes time. It's more than okay to "chicken out" sometimes or play it safe, but remember to take risks and move forward.
If one of your insecurities is that you don't like the way that you look. What can you do about it? I've found that actually looking at photographs and letting people take pictures and acquainting yourself with who you are, helps in the end. If you look in the mirror and hate who you are, is there something you can do about it (like wanting to become more fit) or are you being too critical of yourself? The worst critic is yourself. You may see yourself as average, but if you accept who you are and are confident that's who you are, people will pick up on the signal. If you don't love the way you look, why should you expect others to?
Confide in Someone You Trust
I've found that talking to someone who I trust about whatever insecurity I'm dealing with, can be very helpful. They can help be a reminder that you're just thinking too much about something and that you are the only one who is thinking that way.
Is there someone in your life that you depend on for strength?
They may be able to talk you through it, or even offer to help you find ways to get through it. If you're shy about dancing or insecure about talking to boys, they could give you some tips. Hearing it from someone who had your best interests at heart is always helpful. They may even have the same insecurity!
Of course I'm being slightly vague, but there are a lot of insecurities that people deal with. Being insecure in a relationship, not knowing how to express yourself, etc. All of these are completely different struggles that people must fight against.
Ask Someone to Help You
There's been many times in my life when I was faced with not knowing how to do something. I'll be the first to admit I've grown up as a rather sheltered child, so there are a lot of times where I don't understand a phrase or slang term, or don't know how to act in a social situation.
I've found the best thing to do in these situations is to ask questions. People don't mind explaining something to you if you are sincere. I used to think that people would make fun of me or wouldn't care to help, but I've found it to be quite the opposite. People are more than willing to help out. Especially friends and family (although strangers and acquaintances don't mind either!)
Friends and mentors are one of the best confidence boosters that you will be able to find. It only takes one person who believes in you to help you make the change. This person will encourage you, be patient and help you overcome obstacles that you don't want to do alone.If you're lucky enough to have someone like this, take their offer of help.
Love Yourself and Own Your Insecurities
The best suggestion I can give is to love yourself and accept that you have faults, insecurities, pimples, weird thoughts, a larger left foot or a slightly skewed view on the world.
The sooner you learn to accept them and own them, the easier your life will be. Once you know that you're shy or that others think it's weird that you always fidget when you talk, the sooner you'll be able to fight against your shyness and start relaxing around other people.
Remember that everyone has that one weird thing they're insecure about, and that you're your own worst critic. Love yourself and make sure that you don't look back on tomorrow and regret being to insecure to try something new.