Who is Pushing your Buttons?
We meet people in our lives and, no matter how hard we try, we just cannot like them.
They push our buttons, raise our hackles, make us squirm, they are like fingernails on a blackboard, they constantly challenge our equilibrium.
How you deal with this situation would depend on where you keep meeting this person. An office situation is dealt with in a different way to which you would deal with a neighbor friend, or a friend of a friend.
Occasional Contact with the Person we Dislike
Beside the obvious one of avoidance, let's skim over other actions to deal with everyday unlikeable people who are easy to sort out, such as:
1. People who are distant neighbours or friends of friends of friends are much easier to discourage.When they phone or knock on your door, ensure you are busy, on your way out, cannot stop right now, there are things that cannot wait, or you don’t feel well. Eventually, they will get the message.
2. People who are only friendly when they want something. Let this person know that you are aware of their behavior and when they come to you, ignore their probe into the state of your health, and say, “Yes Ann, – obviously you want something, what is it?” A little harsh, yes it is, but straight to the point. Providing it’s not work related, say you are using it, you don’t lend it out, or you don’t have any available.
3. Toxic people who stop at nothing to get what they want including bullying, passing on guilt, or belittling. Do not accept this behavior, most people know when they're out of line and will back down quickly when confronted.
4 Types of Difficult People - V. van Edwards
People who are more difficult to be rid of
Let's talk about the more difficult people to get rid of – your best friends’ niece, a necessary business associate, someone with whom you have to have regular dealings, the person opposite you in the office.
These are people that can make you feel cornered, diminished and unhappy unless you find another way to handle the situation.
Learning to tolerate people you dislike is an invaluable life skill.
The first thing you have to realise is that you will not change that person – the person who has to change is you. You have to change how you regard the situation and how you react to it. Subsequently, everything else will change as well.
Be aware of the chain reaction of your emotions, and by being self-aware you are subsequently better at understanding the reactions of others. Ultimately, this creates better personal relationships and overall happiness.
Usually we make rapid judgments about the character and intentions of someone else. As humans, we tend to focus on a few attributes of people rather than the circumstances as it’s faster and simpler to stereotype than focus on their complicated entirety.
You Think I'm also to Blame?
Let’s go through different scenarios
In the office
If you have to communicate with this person in order that some part of your work is processed, you will have to think of a way to work with this person. In other words, do what it takes to get the job done and balance out your feelings with reality checks of logic.
You don’t have to sleep with or live with this person; you only have to work with them. In order that your dislike does not permeate and infect the whole workspace, make it work so that it helps fuel your personal development.
There are questions you can ask yourself here:
a. Why do I dislike this person, is it something specific or does the person remind me of someone else?
b. What reaction am I having to the facts of the situation and what could I do differently?
c. Why does this person view things differently to you? Start on their side and work your way back.
d. Would empathy from you improve the situation?
e. Could I improve my communication and listening skills to help manage conflict better? Convey your thoughts in a non-threatening and respectful manner.
f. Could we work on a project together that may help me understand him better?
g. Does this person realise how they come across? Perhaps tell her about the behaviours she can fix, that impact you and your work together.
h. If your relationship is incontrovertibly bad, ask yourself what you can learn from this experience. Many times something you thought was too awful for words turns out several months later to be trivial.
i. If this person is a difficult worker and their attitude has affected a number of people, then take it further. If it’s your business or you are a manager, resolve the mismatch by telling the person they are not right for the job. Communicate clearly, kindly, but firmly. Help them move on to a place where they can succeed.
Success and happiness are not based on power, prestige, or possessions but on relationships with people. The littlest act of kindness you do can change your world.
Dealing with Difficult and Toxic people - Actualized.org
Principles to Remember
Manage your own reaction to the behavior first.
Practice emotional detachment so the person’s behaviours doesn’t bother you.
Spend time trying to get to know the person and better understand what motivates him.
Assume it is all about the other person – you in all likelihood play some part.
Discuss with your coworkers who could be influenced by your negativity or may then think you are a complainer.
Make your dislike patently obvious, this is not conducive to your happiness nor smooth business relations, and could backfire.