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How to "Kill them with Kindness" The Sweetest ways to put Mean People in their Place!!
I guess I do sound a bit like my mother.
..and I am Proud of that! In a world where a great deal of life's burning questions can be answered for us with two simple words, Google It! Don't get me wrong, I love having so much information at my finger tips! Personally, I "Google It" AT LEAST a dozen times a day! But for the warm and cuddly stuff...I will never get tired of being reminded that the values that mean the most to me in this world, were not picked up watching reality TV. It's refreshing to hear myself sounding "just like my mom" from time to time.
I can remember my mother saying those words to me when I was a child, like it was yesterday. Whenever someone had been mean to me or had hurt my feelings,made me feel bad about myself, she would ALWAYS say it. AND I HATED IT!!! I mean, how stupid " kill them with kindness"? What about killing them with puppies or how about cupcakes. Yeah, that will make everything better.
Back during those precious pre-teen years how I was perceived by my peers meant everything!!! One bad hair day could dictate your social circle for the next 7-10. A single wardrobe malfunction detected by the popular crowd could make or break your whole high school career. But sure mom..next time the "future prom queen" makes fun of my acid washed Jordache jeans, I'll just " kill her with kindness" that will make all of my dreams come true.
Thankfully, it did not take me 20 years to figure out that she was actually right. It did however take most of junior high and half of my freshman year but I finally got it. And it worked.
Mean People, Beware of my Killer Smile!!
It was during my freshman year, during haze week of all times that I realized what my mother was trying to say. We will always have to deal with not so nice people every once in a while, that's just life. Some of them will be darn right mean and nasty for reasons you will never understand. The trick is to take away their power. And the best way to do that is to Smile. Smile at them every chance you get. Smile at them when they are calling you names. Smile at them in the hall. Smile at them in gym class. Smile at them so much that they forget why they were being mean to you just long enough to consider getting a restraining order against you!!! You can Never smile too much!! Mean people can not defend themselves against random, unexplainable kindness.
I can remember being terrified of the girl that was my "Senior". I heard all kinds of rumors that she wanted to beat me up and that she was planning to humiliate me in front of the whole school. And for what? She didn't even know me before last week. That's when I decided to just Smile. I smiled when she put me in a ridiculous costume and made me dance on stage. I smiled when she made me sing Rod Stewart's " If you think I'm Sexy" to the entire senior class at lunch. I even smiled when she told me to chant her name over and over and over again. Funny thing is, for the first time all week she wasn't smiling. She finally realized that not all the mean in the world could ever kill my smile.
Nobody can Laugh at you if you are Laughing too.
One of the most important things about being truly happy my mother taught me, I think without really knowing or even trying to. It came from a part of her that she didn't create or grown into, it just existed. It came naturally. There was this Silliness about her. She and my grandmother, they both had it in their veins. They taught me to never be afraid to be silly or ashamed to laugh out loud at the world but mostly at myself!! If you go through life letting everything that people say about you pierce the skin, you will be one bloody mess by the time you hit your thirties. Trust me, you will need that laughter, that shameless goofy behavior if only to disguise all the other crazy things your body and mind start to do to you at 31 and 32 and on, and on.
When people make fun of other people they are rarely ever doing it for the laughter, they are usually hiding behind it so you won't see that they are just sad, or scared or lonely. There is nothing more brave then being able to recognize our own flaws, to look them dead in the face and to laugh at ourselves. A big fat belly laugh!!! Who cares who sees me!!! Your inner fool will set you free!!
Ready? OK? Change the playing field to make it fair.
It is not OK for people to say things to us just to hurt us. But they do. And when this happens, often we are caught so off guard that the pain is written all over our face before we can hide it. My ultimate reward for taking down a natural born "meanie" is watching their game fall apart, right before their eyes and for all the world to see. They will play with our emotions without evening considering the consequences, like life is a full contact sport. They give no mercy, weak is what they expect you to be. They take no prisoners, even though we feel helpless against them. And they have no shame.
I say, play the game by your own rules. It really is that simple. Nothing they say can ever cut you. Words can never make you bleed. Only you can make the change. You have to tell yourself that you are OK. And if they say that you are stupid, just say, OK. It might sting a little. If they tell you that you are ugly, just say, OK. Each time it gets easier. OK. OK. OK. And when they get angry because you're not acting weak, because they can't remember ever seeing you so NOT afraid, that's when you tell them to do their worst. Tell them to not hold back, to say whatever it is they need to say, if it will make them feel better. But the sticks and stones they use to throw can't break you like they use to, you are stronger than they are angry, their own shame has made them feel this way. In time you will be able to fully embrace the idea of living everyday in a state of OK. A place where you can live by your own rules and where everyone is a winner if they want to be. Game, set, match.
Say Yes to Success, Only the selfish fail.
If you fail to recognize that the path to success in not forged on the broken backs of the one's who look up to you, then you have lost the race before ever even leaving the gate. We all have different and complicated reasons for why we choose our hero's. They usually offer some sort of mental or emotional protection or validation to us. Sometimes they are in a place in their lives that we hope we too will someday be. But other times, the one's that climb atop their pedestal everyday for worship, lose sight of their responsibilities. To Protect and Serve, to guide their friends through the shark infested waters, not tell them when it's time to eat.
Success is not measured by a person's body count along the trail. It's walls are not climbed by tearing them down first and then without guilt just sweeping the rubble out of your way. If you are a success at being a true friend to someone, then you are a success in life. Be good at that, it shouldn't be a hard thing to do and it doesn't have to be more complicated than that. Be that person to them and they might just wake up and finally see that their idols biggest misconceptions and mistakes, their greatest failure and ultimate heartbreaks were purely self inflicted. Fill your life with honest, real experiences and the positive energy you collect along the way will build an impenetrable wall against the negative, evil doers in your life. Success is not the one and only answer, it can not assure you happiness, but failure is not the end. All the money in the world can not replace what it feels like to love yourself or to have a true and honest friend. Don't let fear or anger change the person that you are. That kind of success is a "goodie" at hearts reward and our ultimate revenge.
So, what does it mean to "Kill them with Kindness?" It's simple. When a "meanie" has you cornered.....you take every bit of their negative energy that they send your way, roll it up in a really tight little ball....cuz it can't touch you, and..... you Smack a Smile right across their face!!
© 2008 shimmergoddess