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Do you have a Toxic Friend?

Updated on July 14, 2014

How to spot a toxic friend

A toxic person is absorb in their drama. They have one crises after another. Their gest of communication is always one sided. Life for them is played in the victim tune. In our life, we will experience a toxic friend. Their friendship often drains us. They feel like a parasite. Their interaction with us can set us back. The more we make ourselves available to this friend, the more damage we are doing to ourselves. Toxic friends often use the ploy of guilt if we try to back off. Our friendship with them become a vicious cycle, leaving us depleted of energy. Depletion of energy is not conducive to our health.

You might have a toxic friend in your life now, but never considered the toxicity. You might think you are helping them by being a good friend. Their definition of a good friend is one who will be at their beck and call. You probably spend hours listening to them, as they pour out their troubles. When they leave you feel drained and tired. You could be experiencing anxiety at the thought of meeting them or talking with them.

A toxic friend walks in a dusty cloud, which engulfs you. You though have not been able to pull away from this friend. The reason for this is they are superb at laying on the guilt and admiration.

Toxic Friends

Have you ever had a toxic friend?

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How a toxic friend manipulates with guilt

Toxic people are proficient at using guilt as a manipulation tool. They can do this by pulling out the martyr card. It costs them nothing to remind you of all they did for you. In their mind they have sacrificed their life for you. How often have they informed you how it was them that was there for you? They are your only true friend they will remind you frequently. This is their ploy of ushering guilt your way.

Another ploy they will use on you is the victim card. They will weave endless tails of how it is them that was victimized. As they tell you this, they will imply it is your duty to be a good friend and help them. this victim card is a dangerous one, for they use guilt to receive something from you. They do not care what they take, but the will take; be it money or your sanity. They deserve whatever they steal from you. They are stealing from you, even if they give it to you. When one purposely manipulates your time and resources for gain through the act of guilt, it is stealing.

Toxic Friends choose to not heal

Is Your Friendship Healthy

The manipulation of admiration

The toxic friend uses admiration in the same vain as guilt. This ploy is done on purpose to keep you always with them. They will express gratitude to you as a form of admiration. You will be privy to hear how so many people have taken advantage of their good nature. There will be accounts of how this person(s) have betrayed them, or walk out of their life. In both cases, they have informed you of all that they have done for this person, and how the said person let them down. After they tell you this, they will slip in how you have never done this to them. You are the only true friend they ever had. They will also include how they trust you completely, because you would never hurt them, like the others did.

This toxic friend’s admiration is always in line to what you do for them. Admiration is never given for your accomplishments, unless they can take credit for them. You have become an extension of them, when it comes to admiration.

Your Rights

1. You have the right to set boundaries.

2. You have the right to say no.

3. You have the right to end a toxic relationship.

4. You have the right to honor yourself.

Pleasers is not Healthy

Your cost of remaining friends with a toxic person

If you have a toxic friend you already know it is costing you. You though have been so manipulated that you feel you can hang in there. You after all do not wish to break your friend’s heart. Your friend needs you, and eventually you hope they will get past their crises. You also might subscribe to the principle that friends always are there. A true friend will stick by you through thick or thin. This is nice but are you willing to pay the price?

Toxic friends will cost you your health. You will eventually, if you do not already, see the world through their eyes. You will embrace the victim mentality, which always has a finger pointing outwards. You are absorbing this toxicity. There is no way cannot. The sequence of this is becoming toxic yourself. This is unhealthy in so many ways. When we absorb a lot of toxicity we become depleted of energy. The only way to get more energy is to take from another. This leads a person to becoming the toxic player in another friendship. It is the natural way order. The true meaning of friendship becomes loss to you, all because of your beliefs.

Letting go of a toxic friend

Our society informs us at an early age that a true friend is someone who is there through thick and thin. People who say no to a friend, or does not make themselves available are not true friends. This so call truth has often kept people in horrible relationships. There is a major difference between being there for someone who is temporary in crises, versus someone who lives for drama. A drama queen or king will function in a friendship through manipulation, while a person with a temporary crises does not constantly try to manipulate your feelings. You have the right to end a friendship with a person who is constantly manipulating you.

Ending a friendship has no reflection on the type of friend you are. It instead says you honor your worth. This toxic friend will find another friend, and most likely you will be black listed by them. Does it matter? Most likely at this point, you are figuring out why the others had to finally walk away. They cared more about their sanity than this friend. Can you blame them? The toxic person is not interested in you. They can only think about themselves. This is how they are, and nothing you do or say will change this. You have the right to let go of this friendship.

You might at first have guilt in letting go. This is a natural feeling, after all you have been brainwashed by society and your toxic friend. This feeling though is temporary. You will soon begin to feel enjoyment in not being chained to their constant drama. Your own energy will begin rising and you will become more selective on who becomes a close friend.

Love of Friends

Life minus the toxic friend

If your life has been filled with toxic friends, it will take you a bit of time to learn what a healthy friendship is. You might have some guilt when you say no to a new friend, yet this is fleeting. Your new friends do not have issues with the word no. You will discover that these new friends are interested in you, without taking claim of your achievements. They have a smorgasbord of topics to discuss, and these are not always about crises. There is an exchange of ideas, wish lists and goals they are considering, that they will share with you. The fun part of this is they are interested too in your dreams. Friendships are not supposed to be toxic. Even during times of crises, the friend is watchful of not draining you. They are comfortable in working through their own issues, without taxing you completely. Friendship is about the good and bad times, as a celebration of life.


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    • Renee Abbott profile imageAUTHOR

      Renee Abbott 

      4 years ago from Arizona

      It takes time to learn to set boundaries. When we do, we take back control of our life. Thank you Jackie for your comment.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 

      4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      I had a friend like this; which happened to be my sister-in-law and I look back and wonder why I let myself be so used.

    • Renee Abbott profile imageAUTHOR

      Renee Abbott 

      5 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you Savvy, and also for the book suggestion. I have been a professional psychic for over 40 years, and can relate to what this author has said.

      I am glad you found this hub useful.


    • savvydating profile image


      5 years ago

      Hi Renee Abbott,

      This is a very, very useful hub. I haven't experienced toxic friends, but I have dealt with some of that toxicity in family, as we all have. At any rate, what I really want to say is that your description of the toxic friend reminds me of a book I read regarding the experiences of a psychic who had such a friend; she described her exactly as you have. Ultimately, this woman had to let the friend go, but not without suffering greatly from her association with her. The book is entitled "Shouting at the Wolf," by Anderson Reed (actually, I don't know whether Anderson is male or female; I decided on female for some reason...)

      Anyway, the book deals with the existence of evil and how to protect ourselves from it, and it seems to be geared toward those who are involved with the esoteric. I don't know if this book is up your alley, but given your present sorrow and because you may also be psychic, perhaps the book may be of some use to you in some way. In my case, I do not use the methods, I just say prayers. So far, that works for me.

      Thank you for writing this hub. It is a good reminder for all of us to beware of toxic people, while informing us of how to recognize them despite the cleverness of these bad people.


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