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How to Remove the Negative or Toxic People in your Life?
1. Listen to how you talk to yourself.
You have high expectation of yourself, which is way too much that you are unknowingly hurting yourself in return.
You were invited to speak in a conference. Many appreciated your speech but you were too focused on one negative comment. You were the topnotcher for an exam but still hated yourself for not getting the perfect score. You won third place in an international competition but you were still disappointed because you didn't grabbed the gold medal.
Stop all those self-hate. Why can't you give yourself a reward or a pat on the back for those achievements? Not everybody have the guts to be in front of a hundred people to speak. Though not everybody loved your speech (because you can't really please everybody), you were still appreciated by many. It's a hard exam and you really gave it your all. You were still praised for being exemplary. Not everybody is given the chance to compete in an international competition. It is still an honor to represent your country.
Instead of looking for all the flaws for every situation, try to be more appreciative of your own capabilities and hard work. You don't deserve to get all those harsh words from your very self.
Catch yourself as you say these expressions?
-I'm not good enough!
-I can't do that!
Turn them into good ones, like
- I know I can be good at this with hard work.
- I might not be good in drawing but I'm good in writing.
- I'm beautiful, wonderful, kind and honest.
Do not look at your imperfections as something to be sorry about because I'm sure you definitely have something more to offer that other's envy in you.
2. Remove yourself from negative situations.
You do have toxic friends that you don't want to talk to about politics, religion and so on because your conversations with them only escalate to debates or arguments. There are also some family members you don't share the same ideals or principles in life. You should sense it when you feel drained being around these toxic people.
These are some of the characteristics of toxic people you should get rid of"
-Do you feel uneasy being around him?
- Do you feel that he has always a say about your decisions or preference that you lose your power to decide?
-Do you feel angered inside about his comments?
-Do you feel that you can't trust him with some of your favors? Is he unreliable?
Time and again, you have met these kinds of toxic people and yet you still spend too much time with them. To maintain your sanity, try to eliminate spending time with them. Shorten your conversation. Don't commit to their invitations for parties, get-together and so on. Try as much as you can to avoid them.
3. Set up boundaries.
Once you have identified that this person is toxic, you have to reach the stage of "ACCEPTANCE that it is no longer helpful for you to continue being friends or around this person. Learn the art of detachment -- that means being emotionally unavailable or less guilty when you no longer meet the needs of this toxic person. If this toxic friend asks a favor, you wouldn't feel guilty to turn down his request. If a toxic family member keeps one bothering you, you wouldn't feel guilty to distance yourself from him. Do yourself a favor --protect yourself from toxic people that harm your sanity.
It wouldn't be an easy job but being detached from them makes you feel more in control of yourself. Being dependent on their reaction, this will just make you feel a victim of their toxic schemes against you. Once you easily detect that you are being manipulated, you can easily escape their trap of trying to make you feel guilty for not helping them out or not being around them when you needed them. You are not born in this world to be played at. It is not your job to love toxic people. You only have one responsibility -- that is to look after your own well-being and sanity.
4. Do the things that you enjoy.
It isn't productive to waste your time on toxic people. Find what you enjoy doing. Be more on the look out for things that excite you. Is going to the mall to shop for girly items? Is it having a massage? Is it attending conferences or travelling the world? Make a list of the things you want to achieve before you die or as they say the “bucketlist”. Also, make a list of people who you think are reliable and trustworthy that you would want to be a part of your exciting adventure. Find the right people who would add color into your life. You wouldn't find your happiness in toxic people so shift your focus to those that will make you celebrate life. Throw away the negative. Unload all those emotional baggages you incurred from toxic people. Find a space within your heart to attract the things that would bring you joy. Be open for change and embrace it.