ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How To Cope With Premature Birth Stillbirth And Miscarriage

Updated on August 22, 2016
aceresumes profile image

A mother and a dedicated nurse who values children and family. A passionate writer aiming to help others by sharing my own experiences.

The Early Miscarriage Of Pregnancy

The loss of a baby after the first trimester occurs in approximately two to five percent which poses a relatively low risk to women's health. Miscarriage after twelve weeks is relatively rare and are more likely to be caused by blood disorder a structural problem with the umbilical cord placenta or cervix or it can be the result of an infection or severe for poisoning such as salmonella. For twin babies, the loss of one of the embryos is most likely to occur before eight weeks of pregnancy. When one baby dies during the trimester the remaining tissues are often completed and reabsorbed causing one of the twins to disappear. This is known as vanishing twin syndrome on many occasion will happen before a twin pregnancy was even detected but increased use of early ultrasound scans means that it is now more widely observed. In the first trimester, the loss of one twin can be symptomless or it may follow the pattern of a miscarriage resulting in some bleeding with or without lower abdominal cramping which is associated with the of loss of the other baby.

Parents dealing with grief after the loss of a baby
Parents dealing with grief after the loss of a baby

After The Loss of Pregnancy

The loss of a pregnancy between thirteen and twenty weeks is called a late miscarriage. A baby who has died in the womb after twenty weeks is known as an intrauterine death and recorded as a stillbirth. Whatever your particular situation miscarriage and stillbirth are immensely distressing but there is help available so you can come to terms with your loss. Around one in twenty births are affected and twins are at greater risk. Recognized causes of stillbirth are congenital.

After a Miscarriage:

  • The further along in pregnancy, the longer the period of bleeding will be for the mother. The pain will gradually become lesser. You are likely to get your period four to six weeks after a miscarriage. This period may be heavier than usual.
  • Even though one in four pregnancies ends in a loss, it is usually difficult to know the exact cause. This can be difficult to accept because there is no certainty as to why the miscarriage happened. A miscarriage is unlikely to have happened because of anything you did or didn't do. Some babies who are miscarried are totally medically unexplained and potentially could have been as healthy as you or me and lived a long and productive life.
  • Sex the night before you lost the baby cannot injure the baby. If you have certain problems during pregnancy such as your placenta being too low your doctor will tell you.
  • Many women feel anxious about becoming pregnant and miscarrying again and some find it helpful to get early scans during the pregnancy as a reassurance that the pregnancy is progressing.

Whatever your particular situation miscarriage and stillbirth are immensely distressing.
Whatever your particular situation miscarriage and stillbirth are immensely distressing.

Its Normal To Feel Angry And Hurt

It is frequently said that the grief of bereaved parents is the most intense grief known. It is impossible to understand how much a parent loves a child until that child is gone. Grieving parents have to deal with the contradiction of wanting to be free of the overwhelming pain of the loss, and at times do not understand why they feel as if they have lost an integral part of their very being. The mother may be deeply grieving, in a phase of searching and yearning while the father has moved to an acceptance and resolution phase. This can often place stress on parents' relationship at this very difficult time.

Mothers Dealing With Grief

For many women the difficult aspect of stillbirth or miscarriage is the physical and emotional pain. The physical pain may be short term and the emotional effects may last for years. When a baby who is still a physical part of a woman’s body dies, the mother may feel that a part of her dies too. The loss of a baby may leave a mother experience strong feeling of disappointment and a sense of failure. A woman can feel like she has failed her child and also fail in the most basic role of what it means to be a woman. Sense of failure usually results in feelings of guilt at having disappointed her partner by being unable to give birth to a healthy child this feeling is also difficult to express to her partner and can heighten the associated feeling of guilt. Women can also feel that they have done something that caused concern the pregnancy loss.

Fathers feel overlooked and feel that the concern for their loss is not as great as the mother's.
Fathers feel overlooked and feel that the concern for their loss is not as great as the mother's.

How Fathers Feel After Losing A Baby

The father of the unborn baby usually takes on the role as a protector and provider of the family. Fathers of stillborn children often feel that they could not protect the child during the pregnancy and as a result will not have the opportunity to nurture that child. When a baby dies the anguish of the mother is visible to the world because she has the physical experience of pregnancy and giving birth. This does not happen for fathers. They can feel overlooked and feel that the concern for their loss is not as great as the mothers.

What do you think?

When do you give up trying for a baby?

See results

Feelings Of Anger And Hurt Is A Normal Part Of Grieving

Anger and hurt will flow during the grieving process. At times of grief when help is desperately needed to deal with the emotional pain, many people do close off from friends and family as they try to deal with their turmoil. It is also not unusual for feelings of jealousy and resentment to a surface, particularly when other people are seen to be enjoying healthy pregnancies or on seeing families with healthy children. A father can experience anger and frustration when his attempts to comfort and lessen his partner's emotional distress appear to fail or be ineffective. There can also be anger felt at what is seen to be insensitivity of people not fully understanding the loss their child and the depth of the grief that is being felt. Breaking this news might also feel difficult if family and friends have been supportive of and excited about the pregnancy.

Things You Can Do To Remember Your Baby

Some things you can do to help remember your baby include

The planting of a special tree

A plaque placed in the children's memorial section of the cemetery

Naming a star after the child

Writing in a journal or putting together a memory box of things you associated with your pregnancy

Helping Children Through Loss And Divorce

Whether it is the death of a pet goldfish or her parents’ divorce is losses. Surviving loss is not a specific development rather children at each age cope in their own way. It is our job to help our children acknowledge and move through the grief.It is not kind or helpful to pretend that the deceased is sleeping or away on a trip nor is it helpful in the long run to interpret your child’s silence as acceptance. It is normal for human beings to get angry when we lose something we cherish. Usually, the more support we get for our anger the more directly we will show it.

Supporting Your Child through the Grieving Process

Physical touch can be very reassuring to a child when he is grieving and may help him feel safe enough to express or even just feel his pain. In some situations particularly when a child experiences a loss over which they have some control it may be useful to do some brainstorming after the listening and holding. The hardest loss a child faces is the death of a parent or other close family member. You will be facing the loss of a loved one as well and it is important that you get support for yourself while helping your child. If a death is sudden and unexpected your child’s and your grieving process may be more complicated. An unanticipated death precludes preparation and closure and you may find yourself making funeral plans and attending to children’s questions and shock all while doing your own grieving. It may be very important to ask for help in handling the immediate demands of running a household in these situations. Returning to day to day life after the death of a family member may be more difficult than the time immediately after the loss. As shock and you and your child are faced with the acute sense of loss of how the person who died used to participate in your family’s life and no longer does.

Stillbirth Babies

While some may be trying to complete their family for others this means stopping their attempts to have their first child. Thinking of facing life without children or without completing your family can raise many new questions and can be quite a confusing and emotional time. A life without children might be difficult to think about but it does allow you to reconnect with your partner and work on goals and dreams that can be achieved together. There is no right way of coping with infertility. It is important to allow you and your partner to have time to accept that children may not be a part of your future. There will be times when it is easier to accept and manage this than others.


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • aceresumes profile imageAUTHOR

      Vicky Ann 

      23 months ago from Australia

      Thanks for sharing. My mother also had 2 miscarriages and I did not really see her fret. Although I was pretty young back then , I did not really notice. Although my mother did talk about it openly at home. She lost 2 boys and had 2 girls instead.

    • Julie Nou profile image

      Julie Nou 

      23 months ago from Celestial Heaven

      Just wondering... my mom had a miscarriage back when i was like 10 years old and she never fret about it.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)