Relationships: How to Deal With and Grieve the Loss of a Loved One
Relationships: How to deal with and grieve the loss of a loved one
It was in April 2016 when I first experienced the death of a loved one. Previously, I had known death and grief through other people. Never in my life, I had thought I would have to go through it, not when I was only fifteen years old.
I lost my youngest sister and my mother that year, 2016. It happened so fast, three months apart and I have never felt so alone like I did during those trying times. My sister passed away in April. She was only nine months old and I didn’t even get to go to her funeral. I came to know about her death after going home during a school break, mid-term that is.
When I got home, I found some women talking with my mother. I greeted them and headed to my room. After a few minutes, the visitors left and I went to talk to my mom and I asked her where my little sister was. She kept quiet and I asked her again. That’s when she broke the sad news. My sister was no more. I searched the house but I couldn’t find her then my mother started crying. I broke down in tears. I was broken. I never got to see her for the last time.
Death was not done with my family and would strike again three months later. It was on the seventh of July 2016 that my mum passed on. I was closing school on that day and my dad came to pick me up. He told me that my mum was in the hospital so he was going to check up on her and I was to go home alone. I prayed throughout the whole journey for my mum to recover and get back home. My dad came home in the evening and broke the sad news to me and my siblings. My mum was no more.
I cried. I became angry at everyone and to God too. I couldn’t understand why my family was going through this again. I never got to say goodbye, again. I became distanced from my family and friends and I really thought I could never move on without my mum. Fortunately, my family never gave up on me and they understood what I was going through and they helped me recover from the loss.
The reason for sharing my story is simple. It is to console someone out there going through the same and does not know how to deal with the loss of a loved one. How do you go through grief and come out stronger? I will tell you, it is not easy and you require time for you to heal effectively and everyone deals with grief in a different way.
- Take your time
Hearts take a longer time to heal than physical wounds. It is said that time heals everything but this is not true when it comes to the loss of a loved one. Time merely makes it less hurtful but does not heal. It becomes less painful when you remember the departed person. Time gives you a better understanding of the loss and a chance to move on with your life without them in your life. It gives you a chance to adapt.
In short, do what you have to do to let it all out. Your heart which carries all your feelings, especially love has been crushed. You need to let that pain out. It won’t take all the pain away but it will certainly help. Do not hold it in.
- Talk to someone
This could be a close friend, teacher, religious leader, counselor or a family member. These people can help you understand and come to terms with what you are going through. They can make it a little bit easier for you to cope with your loss. They can walk you through life after your loss. Just remember, they want to help you feel less pain and hurt.
- Get a pet
Pets have been known to comfort man in times of sorrow or sadness. They won’t fill in the gap that has been left, they will surely give you company when you feel lonely. Go ahead and get a pet of your choice.
- Indulge in your hobby
Take some time and get engaged in your hobby. Whether it is traveling, taking pictures, cooking, do it in the memory of the departed person. This will give you the time to appreciate the time you spent with them and remember them in a beautiful way.
- Avoid alcohol and drugs
Alcohol and drugs only allow you to wallow more into your sorrow and sadness rather than make you feel better. They can lead you to depression which can lead to you having negative thoughts including suicide. Thus avoid them at all cost.
- See a therapist
This is necessary especially if the loss of your loved one has led you to depression. Signs of depression include:
v Lack of sleep or sleep difficulties
v Eating difficulties-eating too much or much less than required
v Lack of physical cleanliness
v Detachment from friends and family
If your grief is taking much longer, it is also good to seek a therapist.
Nothing can really prepare you fully on how to go about grieving and the loss of a loved one. It is just one of the things you have to experience as they come. Just remember you are not alone and you will get through it.
Sorry for your loss.