Good riddance toxic controller friend!
Can't wait to say good bye
I've met a toxic friend, another one... You know, those that just have to control everything, those that can't help but bully you. Those that could care less about how they get along, or how you feel as long as they get their point across.
Those that find it amusing to ignore you, but pretend that you remain a good listener. Those that keep score while they're having a conversation. They don't see in you a human being, they see a contender.
So something inside of you starts shaking, you don't really get it. After all, what's the point of so much arguing really?
It gives them pleasure, for all that the word implies. They truly derive pleasure from altercations, controversies and endless debates in a sadistic kind of way.
They come at you with this chip on the shoulder is almost a brick. I don't know how they manage to hold for so long. Is like not breathing. This "I'm gonna get her now" attitude that starts off annoying you and ends up choking you.
We all have had to deal with these personalities. They come in all shapes and sizes. The premium models come in mother and father variety. They also show up as boyfriend, partner or lover. For the most part, we have to deal with them as co-workers, friends and acquaintances.
Albeit in person, on the phone or through the internet, these relationships end up draining the victim's or target's energy.
What to do when they're looming on the horizon
Just like when you see rain in the horizon, such is the way toxic personalities. They drop on you like a storm.
1. Know that your mental health comes first. If you feel uncomfortable in any way, rest assured is not a normal interaction.
2. Be kind, but do walk away for your life. Do not put them down bluntly. Try your best to be nice, but do withdraw. It could backfire if they detect you are rejecting them, especially when it comes to relatives.
3. Limit the scope of your conversations with them. Absolutely do not get personal with these kind of people. Especially if it's a loved one, but more so if it's an acquaintance. Personal facts are ammunition they will definitely use against you.
4. Toxic personalities are not friends. Do not try the friend/therapy path, do not play martyr. You need to withdraw, there is no saving them. Let them rant and go on. Let them talk about themselves. Let them be right if you will. Be absent minded.
5. Their mission in life is to suck you in if you are not careful. If you think that none of what is posted here will happen to you. If you do not learn to go to your happy place while you are near them, they will literally suck you in. You will feel it in your drained spirit, which eventually can get you physically ill.
Did I mention you are not meant to save them? You are not!
You get on a plane. The stewardess starts the video about safety measures and goes on to explain something about the oxygen mask.
Does she tell you to put it on somebody else first? No. She tells you to get your mask on first.
Being selfish is one of the most healthiest attitudes I know. Be selfish. Selfish doesn't mean you don't care for others. Selfish means you are your very best friend. Selfish means you present yourself to others in an agreeable appearance because you love yourself , not because you need to show off. Is called self-respect.
In other words, if you witnessed your children being mistreated verbally or physically, would you intervene to prevent it? Well, a toxic personality is in your scope to harm you. They are especially dangerous in an emotional level because they have no idea, nor are they connected emotionally to the damage they are exerting upon others.
So you need to be selfish, protect your inner child, put your mask on and slowly walk away.
Oftentimes there's a degree of co-dependency on the victim's part. Have a project of life handy. This is one of the reasons I started hubbing myself. Wish you the very best and remember that the world is a huge place full of wonderful new friends. Sometimes it takes but move on three blocks to transform one's circumstances. Let's start taking baby steps towards our mental health and down with dementor (toxic) personalities!!!