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A Few Tips on How to Manage Anger

Updated on March 6, 2015

Do you think the same way you did five years ago?

I wrote this Hub when I was 19 years old! Here is what 19 year old me wrote:

There are times when many of us tend to get angry over "little" things in our lives, and most of us get angry over big things going "wrong" in our lives. I have found that doing this exercise below helps greatly in diminishing the anger for the little things that do not need to be stressed over in an already stressful life!

Personally, I think anger is one emotion that works quickly within the human mind--it is human nature for anger to rush out before our minds can actually process the information we get angry about. This is why people always say when you get mad, when your about to break, when you are overwhelmed, take a deep breath and relax, because things are rarely as bad as we made them out to be at first. Of course, there are exceptions to this, but we all know that we blow things out of proportion from time to time.

A) When you get angry at someone:

Step 1-Write down WHO you are angry at, and an explanation of WHY you are angry at that person.

Step 2- Below step 1, write FIVE things you like about the person/that reminds you why you love or like them/or just something that makes you laugh about them. [Putting thought into this step also helps you refrain from screaming!]

Step 3- After Step 1 and Step 2, re-read the five reason at least one more time.

Step 4- At the end of this exercise, think of a song that puts you in a good mood! Music is one powerful tool in changing human emotions!

This exercise not only makes your mind work, but it also keeps reminding you of the reasons in which you love or like this person you are angry at, no matter what they have done or what you think they may have done, it is NEVER healthy to live with anger in your life when it is so unnecessary!

B) If you are angry about something:

Step 1- Explain what the situation or problem is that is angering you. Details are great for this step.

Step 2- Think of at least THREE ways that the situation or problem can be fixed or accepted into your life and write them below Step 1. Change is not bad thing, change is what allows us to grow emotionally an as a human! Everything is always changing, that is just reality and it is time to accept it!

Step 3- Read over what you wrote for Steps 1 and 2 at least one time, and try to be open minded

Step 4- Find a quote by anyone that you can relate to in whatever your situation is, AND REMEMBER: It is never the end of the world, only that chapter in your life which you will be successful in!

Things in life will always be difficult, but we are judged by other in the actions we take after our cards dealt to us. Handling difficult things gracefully is something that everyone can want to be like--AND achieve it. The key in handling these things is to first of all, maintain levelheadedness! In maintaining a level head, you will begin to realize how overwhelming it is to let things that don't go your way or other little issues get it the way of having a good attitude about life. Maintaining a good attitude and positive thinking really helps in being HAPPY in and about your life!

Five years after originally writing this hub, I have some new advice for those who have anger issues. I did not admit it at the time, but I have anger issues due to depression, anxiety, and stress. It is almost like I am bi-polar with the ability I have to snap into angry mode from virtually any other mode. When I was 19, I was trying to be “deep” and “thoughtful,” and I thought writing things down would be a good way to do that. It might for some people, BUT I know that in that SNAP moment, you are not going to sit down and whip out a pen and paper to write things down. However, in that snap moment, you may be able to remind yourself to take a deep breath and realize that you may be overreacting to whatever is making you angry. Keeping yourself in check is the key to lassoing that anger and keeping it in its place!

Now, I’m not saying it’s healthy to keep it locked up inside, because IT IS NOT. For me, at least, if anger is kept inside, it only ends up bubbling over mega-time and is a trillion (yes, trillion) times worse. I used to burst out in angry fits because I didn’t know what to do with my anger. It would just sneak up on me and surprise everyone around me, including myself. Over time, though, I have learned to realize when it is bubbling up, when it is about to overflow, or when it is about to send scalding hotness across myself and everyone around me. In those moments, I take a step back from everything outside of my mind and concentrate on what is going on in my mind.

I ask myself a few simple questions:

  1. Why am I getting so angry?
  2. What am I getting angry about?
  3. Who is suffering from my angry outburst?
  4. Is it necessary to show this anger?

Usually by the time I ask myself these questions I calm down. If I’m not as calm as I want to be after I ask myself these questions, I just walk away until I am. Since I realized how my anger works, I have been trying to tame that side of me…because if I’m going to be a strong, untamed woman, then I at least need to have that anger under wraps! ;)


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    • baybpnk profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from Michigan (the Mitten), United States


      It kind of makes me a little sad to hear the you lower or got rid of your expectations in order to get rid of the anger you feel when people or situations don't meet your expectations. It's perfectly okay to have expectations for your life or the people in it. How else would you have what you want and what/who you can stand to have in your life? When it comes to me, I have expectations as well and I fight to keep them because without those expectations I wouldn't have any guidelines for my life, which I would like to keep in tact. I always thought the thing to change is the anger, not my expectations. I told myself that I could get a grip on my own feelings and my own reactions, and to this day I still suffer with it, but I am okay 85% of the time. That is better than I was before I realized all this and realized that I needed to change in order to be the person I wanted to be. Never settle for less than you deserve in your life.

    • arksys profile image


      3 years ago from Adelaide, Australia

      Reading foodee's comment took me back in to my life... felt a bit like we're siblings ... lol. hiding from it was the only option i had at the time. I'm glad i was sent off to boarding school to a different country at the age of 10, so i didn't have to endure much of it. I knew his reasons but the thing i didn't like was that i was turning into him, and my sister made me realize that... it took me a lot of time to get a grip on my anger but i feel i've changed a lot over the past couple of years.

      i agreed to the second part of your text that you cannot grab a pen and paper at that instant. it just doesn't work. and i agree that the key is not to respond instantly if in a conversation. instead think about the questions you have given before uttering a word... its just that flash of a moment you have to keep yourself quiet, then... its all good.

      One thing i have found to be the source of anger for me is expectation. I had high expectations and when those expectations were not met it would anger me. Over the past 4 years i've been training myself to lose all kinds of expectations from all kinds of situations. I read things like "the love of this world is the root of all evil" and many similar quotes from all over to let go of my materialistic nature and to lose all kinds of expectations... After doing this i have found myself in a much better place.

    • baybpnk profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from Michigan (the Mitten), United States


      This is a website where you publish works of writing, not post pretty pictures for people to look at. I try to write about things I find interesting and if others think the same then awesome, I invite them to read and comment on my hubs. I suppose I could include more things to make it more interesting, I catch what your throwing at me.

    • peachpurple profile image


      3 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      very good questions that i must ponder when i am angry. Need to learn how to control myself

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      I was curious if you ever thguoht of changing the structure of your site? Its very well written; I love what you've got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. You've got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or 2 pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

    • baybpnk profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from Michigan (the Mitten), United States

      Oops, I did know that =) I forget to mention that it just made me think of what life would be like if we did not have many problems to focus on in ourselves. I could not imagine being around that much anger all the time as a child. I don't recall that being in my childhood very much, but it is in my adulthood, and man, is it hard to get over and get through sometimes. I'm sorry to hear you had a childhood like this, by the way. my family does have problems and I am no stranger to running to Marijuana and neither is my brother.

    • Foodeee profile image


      4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      That was just a bit of comic relief at the end. The idea of mystery and adventure does sound enticing. Oh and to actually answer your original question... I don't think the same way I did 5 years ago. I may change my thinking on a regular basis. I like to tell my friends "never say never". Nothing is that permanent.

    • baybpnk profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from Michigan (the Mitten), United States


      I apologize for not commenting back sooner! I happened to have been reading this off of my phone and wanted to wait for a computer to respond.

      Would life really be boring if we had all of our own issues worked out, though? I'm not sure about that because if we were free from a lot of our own problems, then we could focus more on the good things in life. We could have more adventure, more mystery, share our lives with more people (or whatever suits you). We should continuously work on ourselves throughout our lives, not to become perfect, but to become happy with ourselves (if we are not already content).

    • Foodeee profile image


      4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      I grew up with a very angry father. Not only was he angry most of the time, his mind set was irrational to say the least. For a 10 year old kid walking into the house after school, it was a crap shoot. I grew up walking on egg shells. I never knew then why he was the way he was. I had other brothers and sisters and we all dealt with our lives in different ways. My brother Frank rebelled when he was young. He smoke pot and ran away more times than I could count. Unfortunately Frank was affected the most because his life now revolves around hatred for our dad, and he's been dead for 12 years. I was more sensitive to the whole thing and most of the time when i was very little I remember hiding under a table or behind the coach. I knew where to go and not be noticed. I swore to myself when i grew up i would never be like him. Let me tell you its hard to be the opposite of the way you were raised. I learned one way to deal with things either hide from them or a be angry and aggressive about them. It turns into your basic instincts and its very hard to overcome. I honestly never knew why my dad acted the way he did. There were things in his life that really messed him up and most of those died with him. He didn't offer too much in the way of explanation. Maybe it boiled down to the way he was raised and he just went the same direction. I have caught myself getting to the boiling point with my own kids but never to the extent that my childhood held. I am glad that I can at least say that for myself. Hopefully my boys will be better in the long run for what I had to endure. God says "you meant it for evil but I used it for good" something like that. I try to take what ever happens in my life and find the good in it. That doesn't always happen but you have to try. I find if I put things into perspective it really help subdue most anger. You will always have people in your life that knows exactly how to set you off. For some psychotic reason it thrills them to hurt you. The best way I have dealt with those people is feel bad for them. How miserable they must be in their own lives to find joy in hurting others. Its truly sad. Don't try to solve all your problems, you'll be entirely bored after you are done. LOL


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