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How to Improve Self Esteem?

Updated on February 3, 2015

Self Esteem or lack of it has many causes which usually stem from childhood upbringing, though it's not always fair to blame your parents for all that ails you, that's the easy way out.

The belief that you are less than, not living up to what you think are other people's expectations. Your own expectations of yourself are the prime culprit in reality.

The familiar echos:

I can't

I'm not good enough

What if?

But!

These bombard a person's mind when procrastination and lack of self esteem play havoc with your ability to achieve.

Achieve what? Well, anything you want to achieve.

Lack of self esteem can be a viscious circle unless you do something about it. That circle will not break unless you want it to and you become willing to do something about climbing out of the malaise it has created for you.

Start small. Find something that you have an interest in and start a project. Starting something on your own maybe too difficult depending on how much confidence you are lacking. So join a group. You will be amazed at how many people LOVE to help you and LOVE to teach you skills that they have. And perhaps you have knowledge to share with other people.

A big DON'T. In the beginning of this break out, don't do something that is too difficult and that you are likely to fail at. That will just proove to your incessant mind that you are a failure. Start small and grow from there.

When you have mastered one thing, build on it and try something a little more difficult.

Lack of confidence and self esteem, according to the mind, are created by a fear of what other people are going to say to you or about you in a negative way. Mud sticks and it hurts. People who throw mud at others, are really throwing it at themselves, so if it actually does get thrown at you, don't buy into it.

Don't be afraid to admit you are vulnerable. Life is tough at times and you are not expected to be perfect and know everything. Gaining confidence and self esteem is guaged by how much you start to like yourself, and then love yourself. Achieving is not about being better than others, it's about being the best you can be despite the hurdles life presents you.

Start small and become awesome. Start big and you miss the journey.

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    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 9 years ago

      Start small and become awesome - love it!

    • Tom Higgins profile image

      Tom Higgins 9 years ago

      Great hub. Very motivating!

    • manoharv2001 profile image

      Manoharan 9 years ago from Bangalore - 560097, Karnataka, India

      great postings

    • Earl S. Wynn profile image

      Earl S. Wynn 9 years ago from California

      Very nice! I've struggled with depression and self esteem issues here and there in the past, so I can definitely appreciate this hub. Thank you for putting it together!

    • jim10 profile image

      jim10 8 years ago from ma

      I always had very high self esteem. Unfortunately my wife's was very low. After getting married and having kids I think hers is much higher now and mine is a little bit lower.

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      Thank you Earl.

      Hi Jim10 - It is often observed how mothers come into themselves after having children - the role of protector comes to the forefront and it does wonders for confidence and self esteem. And to some guys, they are out of their comfort zone with the precious little bundles. The tiger is perhaps a little humbled by parenthood but could still roar in a crisis.

    • hot dorkage profile image

      hot dorkage 8 years ago from Oregon, USA

      well my self esteem bottomed out earlier this year. It is slowly coming back to where it was, always on the low side compared to what other people thought. No one is going to know how truly awesome I really am until after I am dead. :)

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      It's been a hard year it seems, I'm not doing well this year either. Must be something in the air, the planets in the wrong alignment I suspect!

      Well I think you're awesome, but I'm not the one who counts - you are. The best possible feeling is when you know yourself how awesome you are. Then unfortunately you fall back into humble mode (well I do anyway). The key is to not drop below humble mode I'm learning.

      The voices in the head can be so damaging. Someone wrote a hub about self esteem and getting a friend to write a list of all the good things about you was a good project. I've asked a friend to do it, haven't received the list yet. Maybe she's having trouble thinking of the good things! LOL. Has to be only good things, nothing negative. I must remind her.

    • Amanda Severn profile image

      Amanda Severn 8 years ago from UK

      Every single one of us is awesome if we did but know it. We all have our talents and our triumphs. I've worked a great deal with clients who have low self-esteem, and hypnotherapy and NLP are great in this regard. Those lists can be very therapeutic. I ask clients to tell me five positive things that people have recently said about them. Sometimes finding these five things can be as difficult as pulling teeth without anaesthetic! Once they have the list we then go through it, and analyse it, then re-enforce the great things that have been said (why do you think your friend said you were looking well/ admired your hair/enjoyed the cake you baked/laughed at your joke/dropped by to visit? and so on) All positive actions and comments from those around us are in response to positive feelings that we have somehow engendered in others. Once we start getting our heads around this then we can start look outward instead of persisting on looking inward!

      Sorry Jewels, that was way too long, I got my therapists hat on for a moment there!

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      Not way too long Amanda, you should see some of my responses. I read them and think I should have started a hub myself!

      It feels like having to change a belief system which is not an easy thing to do. Getting compliments is often responded to by dismissing it, thinking it's not true. I know for myself it's like taking baby steps in accepting my own accomplishments, my own positive traits. Yet it is exactly what I need to address in order to feel good about myself.

      Nice to read you and get more angles on this subject.

    • dayzeebee profile image

      dayzeebee 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Great guide for everyone. Your hubs are those that help many uncover the beauty that resides in all of us. Thank you for empowering us.:)

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      Ahhhh, thankyou dayzeebee, that makes me feel good. Love feeling good!

    • countrywomen profile image

      countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

      Jewels- This hub really is a "jewel" rather gem of a hub. Self esteem is something that one should have a strong belief is one's own ability and sometimes it is good to be insulated by others beliefs about us to achieve it. Thumbs up for this wonderful hub.

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      Thanks CW, I appreciate your visit.

    • countrywomen profile image

      countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

      It is always a pleasure to visit an enlightened soul :D

    • profile image

      Innovator820 8 years ago

      Very inspirational and powerful for the ones lacking in self-esteem.

    • profile image

      L. Andrew Marr 7 years ago

      Very, very wise words here =]

      Cheers for all the advice.

    • profile image

      Raggits 7 years ago

      Great hub, motivating. At 52 I'm just starting to revitalize my thinking. :)

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

      Thanks guys. I'm following my own words here too. Two steps forward one step back sometimes.

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 7 years ago

      Jewels,

      This is a great hub!

      You are right it is important to build self esteem. Self esteem is learning to trust your ability to achieve a goal;

      or having confidence and compassion for yourself and valuing others!

      No matter how hard you try you will never be able to please everyone. It is better and healthier to just make it a goal to be the best you can be. No one can be a better you than you!

      Blessings

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

      Good advice DeBorrah, as the saying goes "Be yourself, everyone else is taken." :D

    • rvsource profile image

      rvsource 7 years ago

      What a great topic for a hub!

      I can recall many years ago when I first started in sales. I was young and almost gave up. I felt inferior to the other salesmen. Then one day someone handed me a cassette tape, remember those? This tape was a recording by "Shad Helmstetter."

      I forget the name of the tape, but it has to do with self esteem. This tape was nothing more than a replication of statements that said things like "I like myself, I am a great salesperson." and etc. There were only a few sentences in that recording but he used voice inflection to change the meaning of each sentence.

      The bottom line is this. Our subconscious is nothing more than a recording of everything that's been played over and over in our lives. We are conditioned to believe the things we believe. All you have to do is replace that garbage with statements that change your self esteem for the better.

      It worked for me!

      Jeff

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

      Glad that worked for you Jeff. Having the belief in yourself is key. Helps too to have people around you that will lift you up and not bash you down. Needs to be more of that.

    • rvsource profile image

      rvsource 7 years ago

      You are right Jewels. I found that having belief in yourself helps with others seeing your self confidence. When you come across as being confident, then others begin treating you the way you expect them to.

      There is a good ole saying, "fake it till you make it." Act as if and it will become reality.

      Jeff

    • Stevennix2001 profile image

      Steven Escareno 7 years ago

      wow, this is some good advice. i'll be sure to try that. to be honest, i lost all my confidence after i got discharged from the air force a couple of years ago. i've been trying to get my life back on track, but nothing ever seems to go right as everything i've done since then ended in disaster.

      even my own family lost faith in me. although i can't say i blame them. since i did make a lot of mistakes since getting discharged. the point is i've been having a lot of self esteem and depression issues since. however, im hoping things will get better soon.

      i'll definitely try out your advice. thanks jewels. i appreciate it.

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

      Thanks rv for your input there, bravado can help.

      Steven, hope you succeed. And don't believe those voices in your head - they tell lies!

    • profile image

      jon 7 years ago

      cool hub

    • NickSimpson profile image

      NickSimpson 6 years ago from Jacksonville, Illinois

      Great hub and I am loving you sense of humor as well. I look forward to reading many more of your hubpages soon.

      Thanks,

      Nick

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 6 years ago from Australia

      Thanks Nick. Glad you dropped in.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      ....I just did ... I came here to your hubs mate - and I don't mean it in the way it sounds ..... lol lol

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 6 years ago from Australia

      Hello epigramman. You're always welcome.

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 5 years ago from Lagos

      You re indeed a JEWEL. You ve motivated me and have boosted my self esteem. I am pleased

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 23 months ago from Home Sweet Home

      getting family support and comfort helps to improve a child self esteem

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 23 months ago from Australia

      Definitely. Confidence building in the formative years is so important.

    • Charito1962 profile image

      Charito Maranan-Montecillo 22 months ago from Manila, Philippines

      There were times in the past when my late mother would make me feel I were second best, as compared to 2 of my siblings who were achievers.

      But you're right. We can't always blame our parents. It's just all within us!

      And you're right in saying that we just have to start small and do the best that we can in something that interests us.

      I guess what also helps boost my confidence is learning to acknowledge my mistakes/limitations, and asking others for help. I am grateful when they help me improve.

      Thank you so much for your sound advice, Jewels!

    • Jewels profile image
      Author

      Jewels 22 months ago from Australia

      You're welcome Charito. Acknowledge mistakes and limitations and have compassion for ourselves. When we can do that we have made a huge step in allowing our human frailties, instead of demanding self perfection. Being hard on ourselves can also destroy our self esteem if we never stack up.

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