ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I Don't Know If I Want To Breastfeed, A New Mom's Experience

Updated on March 23, 2017
Britta Paige profile image

Britta is a former radiologic technologist and current stay-at-home mom who enjoys writing about parenting and raising her sweet daughter.

Before I Had Her

I would like to preface this article by saying that I am strongly in the camp of “fed is best.” Due to circumstances regarding baby or mom breastfeeding isn't always an option, and I would like to stress that every mom and baby’s nursing relationship is completely unique.

When I found out I was pregnant among the thousands of questions and thoughts that zipped through my head, breastfeeding was one of them. I knew I was willing to try but from the start I was anxious about it, the idea of nursing had always simply irked me and I couldn't tell you exactly why. Thinking I could get comfortable with the idea I began searching for documentaries revolving around the topic and Netflix delivered, although it seemingly made things worse, watching other mothers breastfeed made me incredibly uncomfortable and I never really understood why. Before my daughter came into the picture I, like most parents, had ideas of how I would raise my child. Some of these parenting decisions I had no problem sticking with but like the majority of new parents, there were things that flew right out of the window from the get go. When it came to nursing, I regret feeling a small wish that we would be unable to nurse. I had a secret hope that I wouldn't produce enough milk, that she would be unable to latch, any and all of the above. Just typing these words now cause sheer embarrassment and regret, but it was how I felt at the time. I knew the benefits of breastmilk, and how they are superior to formula in many ways: easier digestion, antibodies passed on to baby, vitamins and minerals tailored exactly for baby’s age, and the ever so repeated “bonding” that goes on during a feed. I vowed to attempt to breastfeed but was anticipating if we were nursing compatible I would probably wean her to formula within 6 months.

After She Was Born

When my daughter was born the nurse latched her on after nice bath and she had no problem, I was so traumatized from birth after the epidural wore off that it barely registered what was going on. After a day of her slipping off during each feed the lactation consultant gave me a nipple shield to try and she took to it immediately. The first three weeks were quite a blur, days were spent melting together and trying to understand why my daughter would projectile vomit and scream when laid down flat, we soon learned she had acid reflux and her medicine coupled with an angled sleep helped her immensely. Throughout the first three weeks I did not experience any pain due to the shield I was given, although it was a hassle keeping it clean and getting it on before each feed, it was tolerable. Within those weeks I become so exhausted from nursing, I was the sole provider of food (aside from an occasional pumped bottle my husband fed her so I could sleep) and it was getting to me. If I could just give her a bottle of formula every now and then I wouldn't feel so bombarded, I would feel back to myself a bit. One night I was feeling sleepier than usual and attempted to feed her some formula and she flat out refused, spit it back out at me, I handed her over to her dad and stepped out of the room for him to try with no luck. It was in that moment that I began to feel trapped, either she would nurse or I would have to pump a bottle for her which equaled to no rest for me. I pushed on through those difficult days and after the first dreadful few weeks, nursing became more enjoyable, I got more sleep, my daughter got on her reflux medication and I began to feel like a human again. It was when I began having a clear head I recognized how lucky I was to have a fairly uneventful breastfeeding journey, some mothers desperately hope to nurse and are unable too, so how could I complain? I had no supply issues, no nipple pain, and aside from using a shield my baby was clearly getting the milk she needed, I also began to realize how much time would be spent cleaning and sterilizing bottles and preparing them for her to eat. The best thing about nursing my daughter was recognizing that it was and is the only thing I can do for my precious baby that nobody else can, and this is what drove my bonding experience with her, it all began to make sense. The older she got, the easier nursing became and we soon were able to ditch the nipple shield and breastfeeding became quick and efficient. My daughter is now eight months old and has never been sick, I like to think my breastmilk has had something to do with that. The fact that we still nurse is shocking to me, I would've never guessed that I would love it as much as I do. Our babies really do grow so fast and with growth comes independence, so when we nurse now it takes me back to when she was still the tiny newborn cradled in my arms. I kick myself constantly for silently judging others for breastfeeding publicly, but I wouldn't have ever realized how natural nursing actually is and feels until I experienced it for myself.

Regardless of how you choose to feed your baby, the important thing is that your little one is loved and you are happy. If you decide that breastfeeding isn't for you, try to made a conscious effort not to judge moms that do, it is an incredibly difficult thing to master and if someone's cover slips off because their baby is grabbing and kicking while trying to fill their tummies it won't scar you for life, I promise.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)