I Once Lived With a Hoarder...and It Nearly Made Me Suicidal

And during the process. And again afterward.

I absolutely despise clutter. I can't function if there are random dirty dishes or laundry everywhere. If the bottom of my socks are dirty from walking on my floors, all activity stops until I mop.

I'm not built to live in a messy, unkempt environment. It makes me feel agitated. I can't relax with everything thrown everywhere, no rhyme or reason.

That actually wasn't even his worst quality, but I digress...

Every day, I tried to keep his piles and stacks of random stuff from consuming my home. No matter how I battled the clutter, the random junk, the moment I walked away from the place I had cleaned, a new mess would materialize.

I told myself every time, "this is the last time", swearing that I would no longer pick up after a grown-ass man that should know better. But, I'm not built that way. I can't simply look the other way and let the mess consume my home.

I can't function in a mess. It throws me into a terrible depression. I feel like I don't have control of my life if I don't have control of my immediate surroundings. Living with a hoarder left me so depressed, I didn't want to get out of bed or eat, or function. I didn't care to wake up.

I would clean everything every day, then by the time the next day rolled around, he had undone everything I had accomplished. I was at my wit's end. I was going to take it all outside and burn it. I knew then that I had to leave. I couldn't live with the filth, because if his personal space was this unsettling, I didn't want to know anything else in his mind.

In this case, I found that he was just as unsorted mentally as his living space indicated. He was all over the place, and not in any flattering connotation. For me, it was a devastating step back in my mental health. I equate my tidy surroundings with a tidier outlook on life. It just isn't sorted out mentally if I'm sitting in piles of things.

There are people that can work in the middle of hurricanes. I can't claim to do that well, either.

I can say that the moment I removed myself from the flea market of a home, within days my mental state was on the mend. Realizing when I woke up that I would be in a tidy and organized space was so much relief. I knew I had become horribly depressed, I just didn't realize exactly how much of my mental health was tied to my immediate space.

I encourage you to take a look around if you are struggling with your mental health. Are you swimming in a sea of random items? Are you staring at heaps of nonsense everywhere?

Maybe it's time to clean up your surroundings and see if it helps your mental state as it did mine. Within a week, my anxiety had subsided. Within the month, I was writing again.

But a tidy space helps me tremendously. I start to feel anxious and sad if there is more than a sinkful of dirty dishes when I walk in the house.

Having a clean personal space may not help everyone to feel a little more stable mentally, but it helps me immensely. Maybe if you're feeling anxiety or depression take hold, try to clean up your surroundings a little.

It may not fix everything, but it will at least fix your immediate area.