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Impotency: A Woman's Point of View

Updated on October 23, 2009

Can Sexless Marriages Survive?

Impotency attacks many men, in addition to marital relationships. Many males experience anguish, anxiety, and anger when their sexual libido and performance declines or disappears. Often times, the marriage becomes stressful and sexual dysfunction becomes an undertow and winds up in divorce.

Suddenly, sexual intimacy becomes unimportant and a distant memory. Many couples tend to avoid any contact whatsoever, because they know it will only let them dissatisfied or frustrated. So, they choose to 'pretend' sex doesn't matter and 'believe' the marital bond will remain strong and understanding when sex can no longer can be enjoyed.

Some women might be okay without human contact, tantalizing touches, and passionate interludes. But, for other women, sexual desires do not disappear because their partner can no longer perform.

Oh, just get over it, you say. There are other ways to achieve sexual satisfaction without orgasm. Yes, there are, and many appease sexual desires with vibrators and other man-made equipment. While, still others might suggest a faithful partner, material comforts and companionship are all that is needed to fulfill the void caused by impotency.

Getting used to life without sex, not only robs sensuality and self-esteem, but can wreak havoc in a relationship. Females who enjoy sex may find it difficult to accept a life without intimacy and sexual fulfillments. They may feel living with a partner who cannot perform is beyond their capabilities and becomes less desirable.

A woman may begin to view her partner who is similar to any other person on the street, someone to converse with and execute the appearance of marital bliss. The attractiveness about this person might vanish, and disagreements, fault-finding, and undesirable traits may become evident. The loving relationship may be replaced with cold empty feelings. Many times impotency becomes the target of a man's frustration, and he expresses low self-esteem with degrading remarks when referring to his wife. Anger and depression can, not only eliminate his ability to have sex, but stifles desirability for him.

Should women get 'used' to a sexless marriage, 'pretend' to enjoy man-made sexual apparatus', or 'make believe' sex is not important and allow their need to die? And, die they will, right along with the woman and her wonderful sensuous personality.

Basically, a woman has three choices when living in a sexless marriage: 1) Improve the situation (if she can); 2) Accept a life with no hopes of sexual fulfillment; or 3) Leave the marriage. Male enhancement supplements might improve the situation, and acceptance might only be a temporary fix, and problems may compound within the marriage. Needless to say, ending a marriage is a drastic step, but many women feel a celibate and unhappy relationship is not worth the anxieties and frustrations within themselves.

Impotency is not only about men, but society seems to focus solely on what they lost. He is not alone in feelings of low self-esteem when the love light dies. No amounts of conversation, material assets, or sex toys can replace the 'real' thing. Some suggest a woman should accept her lot in the relationship, and accept the sexless marriage. But, women are not the only ones that have lost something!

Unfortunately, when a woman chooses to leave her long time partner to find sexual satisfaction in the arms of another, she may be made to feel degraded or ashamed. But, does she deserve to be ridiculed? Should she deny natural desires, and accept a relationship without sexual expectation or fulfillment? No! If she's given the marital union adequate opportunities to improve, or supplements did not change the situation, from a woman's point of view, she must be true to herself and do what is right.

However, denying natural desires and choosing to remain in a sexless relationship may not be the best choice. Marriages should include wonderful experiences and healthy sex. The decision must come from within each of us, including responsibility acceptance the decisions we make.


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      Judy 4 years ago

      If you think your 26 year marriage is happy without intimacy, then I can guarantee that happiness is one sided, I have been married 29 years and everyday is turmoil and mixed emotions. I know his doctor wants him on the high blood pressure medicine but I have been in mourning of the death of my sex life for 8 years and I can assure you I am not happy and that I "pretend" every thing is good. Thought you should know everything in your marriage is not good

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      ivori 5 years ago

      Jess, Yes, the thrill of unexpected intimacy is very important to many couples. "Scheduling" sex makes it seem more like a chore than a wonderful experience. Just because a pill says it's time may not be a turn on for all women. I understand perfectly, Jess.

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      jess 5 years ago

      My husband can not function without using viagra (cialis does not work for him). We do not have prescription coverage so we can only buy it when we can afford to do so, they are $20 a pill. They worst thing is that he does not even touch me unless he wants to have sex, it is the intimacy that I miss the most. It is hard to cope with the fact that I will probably live the rest of my life without spontaneity and intimacy. I love my husband, but I do think that this will eventually lead to the end of our marriage.

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      ivori 5 years ago

      Never said the relationship should go by the wayside. It's all about what works for whoever is involved or affected. Not all opinions are right for others, but lucky you, you have found the balance that works for you and your partner.

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      JamesC 5 years ago

      What rubbish. Are you saying older people who cannot perform sexually need to break up the marriage. How about younger couples where one partner cannot have sex because of physical or psychological difficulties? There are lots of ways to show love other than sexual intercourse. You attitude is at best selfish. "I want my sex and if I can't have it I'm leaving!" As a man who cannot function sexually myself and who has been (happily) married for 26 years, I am so glad I didn't marry a person like you.

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      Paige 5 years ago

      Finally after much researching for years I finally found something that totally reflects how my life is going and how I feel. Thank You!

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      benny Faye Douglass 7 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you for a very true and informative hub, thank Ivori. God bless you. creativeone59