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January 2nd - How Do I Feel About This?

Updated on January 2, 2020

In the short version, yes I am doing great.

Today I read my first book of January, and today I tried to love what I saw in the mirror, but in the back of my mind will always be the thought. Will I sabotage myself this time? Do I deserve to try and improve myself? All these thoughts blur my vision of what I want, and pushing these thoughts away is way more difficult than those cheesy Instagram self-help posts say.

What book am I reading?

The book that I have chosen for January is, Complications - A Surgeons Note's on an Imperfect Science, by Atul Gawande. For the people who are interested in the medical field, this book gives you an insight into the mind of a surgeon. This book shows how even the best make mistakes and how medicine has its faults. It shows the reader how one of the most intriguing professions in the world is still held by regular people. People who are baffled every day, people who walk into that operating room a little nervous every time. My anatomy teacher let me borrow this book so it already held a special place in my heart. Have you started any books this month? If not, do you plan to?

How I practiced self love today.

Today was just kinda blah for me. Do you know what I am talking about? I looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw. my mind quickly went where it always goes; to a place of hate. Yes, I did let these negative thoughts creep in but the thing that stood out is that I did not act on them. Most of the time when I look bad in the mirror I decided that I will not exercise that day, I will then proceed to binge ear and feel like crap the whole rest of the week. Is this the type of behavior I want to live for the rest of my life? No way! So today I ignored those demons and did my workout, I honored what my body could do and what it was not capable of yet. I ate a very nourishing breakfast after that and then felt very good. Though there will always be a fear for me, sometimes I try to make these life changes and they usually last a few weeks, maybe even a month if I am lucky and then I repeat my bad habits and let my negative thoughts flood my actions. My goal this year is to try and be at peace with these thoughts but not let them get the best of me. What about you?

What I Ate as A Vegan!

 
 
 
Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner
Oat and banana pancakes
Kale Salad with a Clif Bar
Lentil Soup
Today was filled with a lot of yummy foods. If you are wondering if I am doing this to lose weight the answer is yes, among other things. See I've been vegetarian for more than a year now but I have always had an end goal to be vegan. When I started

Conclusion

To sum it up I want this to be an outlet, I want to find a community of people who wish to better themselves. All my life I've felt like I have grown up with people who have put me down, underestimated me, or use me. The sad thing is, is that I let them. I let people think less of me because I thought it is what I deserved. When I thought about this more and more I realized that it is not selfish to want more. It is not selfish to be happier. This year I want to be the one who will rise. Will you rise too?

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

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