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- Mental Health Self-Help
Just Shut up for a Minute
What Do You Want?
Just because you are always changing, doesn’t mean you can’t have a purpose, or even a few different ones in life. You can try to figure exactly who you are right now, and what you want today. You cannot however, do this with no clue what you’re after in and from your life.
Your purpose and what you want should be in line with those things you want from life. It doesn’t make sense to force yourself into a line of work that makes you feel bad about yourself.
It doesn’t make sense to work the night shift when you know that you need sunlight.
It doesn't make sense to only eat greasy fast food when you are trying to lose weight.
Do you see what I am getting at?
Know What You Want.
If you know what you want, you’re setting yourself up to make the decisions – dare I say the right decisions about what you need.
Want a bigger house? Well why not? You could use some more space right?
Aren’t you sick of having clutter?
Sometimes you really do just grow out of things – get rid of them via donation.
Want a healthy lifestyle? Plan activities and meals or even consider a nutritionist or coach to help you with this.
Maybe you’re after a new car, a boat, better clothes, or maybe you want a puppy. All these things are fine. But there is a greater purpose you have to examine before these things just fall into your lap.
Those god damned pesky internal goals, like being a good person, having a solid work ethic, being fucking accountable all matter so much more than these other goals. Why? They matter more because, unless you hold yourself accountable in life, you’ll never accomplish them aside from dumb luck and the occasional hand out.
If you just happen to win the lottery that’s great but what are you going to do with all that money? Save it? Spend it? Lose it in a year? Are you going to help people with it? Maybe you will pay off all those student loans, donate some of it, and buy your parents that dream vacation they have been talking about for years. After all, they put up with you. It’s the least you could do.
So let’s take some time to talk about goals. Let’s talk about ourselves. Let’s just talk. We’ll call it brainstorming. And then let’s shut the up and make sure we actually had something to say.
Right now, take the opportunity to jot down your “Top 10”. This list should be the top ten most important things you want in life right now.
I don’t have any preference as to what kind of things you do on this list. Mine tends to consist of goals, like “I really want to hang that painting up in the living room.” And it continues all the way up to more time-consuming or challenging (longer term goals) things like “I want to be engaged.” BTW, I am engaged now and it felt fantastic to cross engagement off the top ten lists.
Let’s give it a try now. Think, I mean really think. And then, after you figure out what to write, try to feel how you would feel if you already had the things you are writing down. Get excited.
Do You Want it or Not?
Now that you have that list, we have to determine the best ways to accomplish the items on the list.
I am talking about connecting the dots in your life. It’s actually a lot easier to do than you might think, but certainly takes some leg work on your part. It’s much more simple to “connect the dots” when you shut up for a minute because that’s when you hear yourself, and more importantly, when you feel yourself.
Let’s first talk about organizing your life a little bit. Start with the home, working your way out from the bedroom to all other areas.
If everything has a place in your life currently, great work. The purpose of this exercise is to literally make some room. Go through the closets and get rid of the old clothes, make sure you have a spot for your keys, get rid of the trinkets you don’t want or need, determine where you keep important documents, where is the mail when you need it to pay a bill?
All of these things make your life flow a little better. Get that together, and you’ve got a real leg up on accomplishing your goals.
You may dedicate a weekend; you may dedicate a month to this. I promise you; if you start you will be rewarded almost right away. We are literally talking about making room in our lives for more of what we want. It won’t fit (no matter what it is) you have not made room for it.
Start small, don’t let it overwhelm you. Spend 10 minutes a day on this. It’s all about what works for you and the timeline that makes the most sense.
From here, what are your favorite things to do? What are you good at? Do you like to help people? Does your career allow for it? You have to get all of these things in sync.
Now listen, I’m not crazy. I know you have to pay the bills and you’re not leaving a six figure job on a whim to soul search (at least not most of you). But you can figure out ways to apply what you love to your current job. You can start looking outside of your current career too. It’s all dependent on your comfort level. Don’t just quit the job. Fix the job. There are also 24 hours a day, when you’re done working and sleeping, you could use some of those other hours to pursue your real passion as a hobby.
Most important and above all else, your goal, at least to start with, is to be honest with yourself. This isn’t a situation where you should be blowing smoke up someone’s ass or saying things you think people want to hear. Only you can hear you.
You made a list of the ten most important things in the world to you. Do you want them or not?