Know Your Enemy: Reflections Of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)
As many of you know I was a victim of narcissistic abuse for over a decade. Some people may believe that my interest in psychology actually stemmed from the abuse I had been subject to. However, it was actually the opposite; my interest in psychology, psychiatry and the human mind helped me to understand better what was actually happening. I had started studying psychology before I even realized I was being subject to narcissistic abuse and the more I learned about psychology, psychiatry, personality and the human mind the more I started to understand what was really going on.
My interest in psychology actually started from a fascination with hypnosis, something which some people don't even believe in (despite the fact that it's very real and does exist). I had always had an interest in hypnosis but was unable to fully understand it until I was an adult. I soon moved on to other subjects such as NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), body language, personality psychology, social psychology, parapsychology and other related topics.
By 2008 I had come to the realization that my fiancée was a narcissist and it hit me hard. I started to realize that the source of the underlying factors that contributed towards my insecurity throughout this relationship was actually the disguised abuse being perpetrated by my (now ex) fiancée. She would win every argument hands down and I would always be left feeling like the bad guy. I went through what I can only describe as sheer hell and some of the worst torture I have ever been subject to, in order to strip away the layers of deceit and dig down to the truth - it took years and it was a shocking experience. I had considered suicide several times over the years and came closer to actually attempting suicide than I had ever been before and probably ever will be again. I've been through a lot of pain and stress in my life, as have many people, but nothing compares to the devastation and damage caused by my narcissistic ex-fiancee.
I was left in a state of Post-Traumatic shock, I would wake up each morning hearing the words "it's all in your head" reverberating through my mind - a hypnotic suggestion which was being embedded into my subconscious mind by the narcissist on a daily basis, sometimes direct, sometimes indirect. I had been unwillingly hypnotized into loving someone who was incapable of loving me back.
Although I felt close to my fiancée (at the time), she would never allow herself to get too close to me and would use manipulation tactics to prevent this from happening. Eventually, I had stripped away ten years of pathological lies, deceit, distortion and disinformation to discover that the entire relationship was built on nothing more than fabrication. The woman I had been in love with was not real, she didn't exist and was just a false projection designed to pull the wool over my eyes while my fiancée continued a long-term affair behind my back with another member of her family.
The truth made me feel sick to my stomach, I couldn't wake up in the mornings without thinking about it. I became preoccupied with it and could not concentrate or focus on the important things in life. I had been left with no genuine love, two children with a narcissistic mother, no identification or personal documents, no family or friends to turn and absolutely no money whatsoever.
The more I tried to turn to people for help, the more they would believe it was me that was the problem. Narcissistic abuse is all about projection and reflection. The narcissist uses deceit and manipulative tactics in order to tie your mind up in knots and confuse you. I really thought that 2008 was the end of the road for me.
Four years on I have traveled the road of recovery, not completely, but I'm almost there. My mind is my own, my life is my own, I have identification, I have self-worth and I am determined to make something of my life. As it happens, I managed to turn the suffering I had been subject to into a form of creativity by studying and researching the disorder extensively and writing about it here at Hubpages - therefore some good has come from the experience. Creating awareness of this devastating personality disorder is an important step in educating the world about how dangerous some seemingly innocent and charismatic people can be. If I can help people understand what it is that's happening to them, help them to overcome their suffering and provide them with some insight into why this is happening to them, then that's my job done and I remain proud that I have managed to help people go through the same experiences that I had to suffer myself when there was no help available.
Down to Earth information, advice and theories stemming from my research of the subject of Narcissistic Personality Disorder will be published in my upcoming book, Know Your Enemy: Reflections Of NPD.
Limited Edition paperback copies of the book are available to pre-order now from IndieGogo.
- 10 Common Myths About NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) Dispelled
- The Parallel Order Of The Narcissist - Debunked
- The Adverse Effects Of Narcissistic Abuse On The Victim
- Recognizing Psychological & Mental Abuse
- The Covert / Stealth Narcissist (NPD/Malignant Self-Love)
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- The Aftermath Of The Narcissist (NPD)
- NPD Is It Me? - How The Narcissist Drives You Crazy
- How To Recognize A Narcissist (NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder)
- Escaping The Narcissist In Your Life - The Emotional Design Of The Narcissist
- Inside The Mind Of A Narcissist (Malignant Self-Love / Narcissism) - NPD
- Narcissistic & Sociopathic Ideology Within Bloodlines
- The Sociopath Next Door
- Psychological Murder: Inflicted Suicide