Reflection - Aging and the Journey of Self Discovery

It is healthy to stop occasionally and reflect on your life; where you have come from, where you've been, and, what you've learned along the way.

I am a baby boomer, a child of the 50's and I'm real proud of it. The timing of my birth was perfect for someone like me. By the time I was in my late teens, it was cool to be a rebel and stand up for what you believed. By the time I was in my 30's, I was too attached to material things to be a cool rebel. I played all the games necessary to appear to be comfortably middle class. I was mostly unaware of the games I was playing though. It just seemed like that's what we did to have a job and a house and to take vacations and...to buy things. I filled my house with those things I bought.

I had so much stuff that even my stuff had stuff. Shelves were lined with all the cute little things that dust settles on. For every craft I tried my hand at (and failed at mostly), I purchased enough materials to make a career out of crafting. I would finish a piece of two and the rest of the materials sat stagnant in neat little organized boxes in some area I called "craft material storage". My kitchen cabinets were stuffed with gadgets too. A gadget to zest a lemon or a gadget to Julienne a carrot and even a gadget to warm your buns. Seriously. I had a gadget that you put a little water in and it would steam a hot dog bun just like those fancy hot dog stands. Have I mentioned books? Gee whiz, I never had too many books. But you know, I never read any book more than once. Never did, never could. So what on earth was I thinking?

Well now I'm 50 something. And I don't want all this stuff. I don't want to dust it or move it or pack it up. I just want it gone. The older I get, the more space I need. It no longer makes any sense to me to have to turn sideways to walk through a room. Be gone, stuff!

There's a lot to be said for getting older. My face doesn't lie to me anymore because I'm not wearing 3 pounds of makeup. I don't squeeze into jeans that are too tight just to look 3 pounds thinner. I am built for comfort, not for speed. When I look in the mirror, it is me I see looking back, the real me. There are lines in my face and sometimes the dark circles under my eyes are a bit frightening, but hey, it's me. It's not the pretend me. It's really me.

I've come to terms with who I am now and I'm not afraid to be this woman who won't be a doormat anymore. I have learned to listen to my sixth sense, the one in my gut that tells me when things aren't as they appear to be. I still have a gigantic heart and hate hurting someone else's feelings but I won't compromise anymore. If it's not right for me, I have to say it. To do anything less is to deny who I am and finally, I have discovered my truth.

I don't say I will anymore, when I know I won't. You won't catch me telling you I'd like to when we both know I wouldn't. But, when I tell you I will, you can take it to the bank. My word means more to me than all that "stuff" ever did.

Underneath the wrinkles, the gray hairs (few though they are), and invisible scars, I have found me. And although it took me a while, I know who I am now and no amount of stuff or money or popularity is going to change me. I am me. I am far from perfect but I am oh so much better than I was. The journey has not always been easy but the lessons, oh the lessons I have learned along the way. Reflection is good for the soul.

© 2012 Linda Crist, All rights reserved.

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