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Lessons In Life--Self Confidence

Updated on July 31, 2019
DzyMsLizzy profile image

Peace, harmony, and lifelong learning are Liz's passions. She's outspoken on education and childhood and is an activist in local politics.

Is this perfect?
Is this perfect? | Source

The Search For Perfection

Perfection doesn't matter. Perfection is an illusion. I am not perfect. You are not perfect. No one is perfect, and that's okay.

Striving for the best one can do or be, that is what is important. Being true to yourself is important. Being perfect is impossible, and if that is your ultimate goal, you only set yourself up for frustration and possibly depression.

Often-seen quotations along the lines of “live, laugh, love” are spot on. These are the important things. Never fear looking foolish. Fear instead that you will miss out on opportunities for fear of missing the mark or feeling silly.

A life well-lived is the best antidote for “the blahs,” and while it is nearly impossible to live all our lives without some regrets, we have hopefully learned lessons from those experiences along the way. So the next time a similar opportunity comes knocking, swing the door wide open and welcome it inside!

Consider this: if you were to achieve perfection, where would you then have to go next?

Nowhere else to go from here.
Nowhere else to go from here. | Source

Dealing With Disappointment and Regret

Consider carefully your regrets. Why are they regrets? Could you have changed anything in the situation? Was it even important? What did you learn? If there is a next time, what would you do differently? If the answers to all of these are in the negative, forget about it, and move on.

For example, one time, my mother and I were on a road trip. One of the motels we stayed in was an older lodge type facility. Unlike modern motels, where the furniture is virtually bolted in place, this lodging had regular furniture. In between the two twin beds was a chest of drawers, and across the room was a desk and chair.

The chest between the beds blocked our view of each other as we wished to chat a bit before falling asleep. We thought how funny it would be to move the furniture around to suit ourselves, and what would the maids think after we vacated. We laughed ourselves silly over the prospect, but alas, we did not act on the thought.

We “regretted” it for years afterwards, for it would have been some harmless fun. But was it important? Not in the least. Did it affect the course of our lives thereafter? Not at all. We enjoyed a good hearty laugh in the moment, and that was what we cherished.

To love yourself is to undertand you don't need to be perfect to be good.

— Anon.

Dealing With More Serious Regrets

Other regrets may have more life-affecting consequences, such as arguments with family members that strain the relationship(s), and may cause estrangement for years into the future. Sometimes, such incidents are only resolved when one or the other of the parties is near the end of their life before they realize the pettiness, and amends are made—almost too late.

The lesson here is the old advice, “count to 10” before you open your mouth and say something you will regret. While a valuable lesson may be learned from a regrettable situation, it still leaves feelings of regret that it happened at all, and altered the course of life for all those involved. Yet, it is still in the past, and nothing can be done, so to heal, apologize or forgive, and move on.


It should come as no surprise that the advice herein is a capsule; an overly simplified version of a complex topic.

I'm no doctor or psychologist--I am merely sharing what I have learned myself in a professionally-run group to support people dealing with emotional stress of various kinds.

These are the key points I've picked up, and wished to share.

Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth.

— Anon.

Standing Tall

So: if you feel self-conscious, if you made a mistake of some kind, and people laugh at you, so what? Take a bow; you brightened their day for a moment while on the stage.

As Shakespeare said, “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. . .” We all goof up from time to time; it's part of the human condition.

So stand tall, be proud of who you are, and don't let the turkeys get you down. Or, to put it humorously, as seen on a silly placard some years back, "Illegitimi non carborundum." Which is ersatz Latin for "don't let the bastards grind you down."

Confidence is not, "They will like me." Confidence is, "I'll be fine if they don't."

— Christina Grimme

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.


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