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Lose Calories Sexually

Updated on January 26, 2009

Counting Down Calories

So an easy way to cut your calories is not necessarily in watching what you eat and starving yoruself of your favorite foods, but rather engaging in more fun and pleasurable acts. And yes, there are acts more pleasurable than eating.

So, below I've found a number of different sexual activities that can help you lose a few calories. The list is pretty interesting, and some of thing things on it are things I never would have thought would help one lose a few calories. I mean come, you gain like 3 calories from chewing gum, and yet you can lose 3 calories from one short gasp.

Now, I'm not quite sure how the below calories loss were figured and calculated, but check out how many calories you can potentially lose during sex, foreplay, and sexual activities.

Flickr Image by Stuti~ have me exams, might not be in!
Flickr Image by Stuti~ have me exams, might not be in!

Extremity Size: Yes believe it or not size counts

  • Normal: 22 calories
  • Oversize: 15 calories
  • Tremendous: 8 calories
  • Where's it at?: 163 calories

Positions

  • Man on top and woman on bottom (facing each other): 20 calories
  • Woman on top, man on bottom: 25 calories
  • Doggie style: 40 1/2 calories
  • Standing (both people at equal height): 18 calories
  • Standing (woman 1 foot taller): 90 calories
  • While in traction: 24 calories

Places

  • On a bar stool: 20 calories
  • Back of a Honda Civic: 38 calories
  • Standing in phone booth: 14 calories
  • Lying in phone booth: 274 calories
  • Aisle seat on a plane: 24 calories
  • Middle seat on a plane: 42 calories
  • Window seat on a plane: 30 calories
  • In the bathroom on a plane: 100 calories

Possible Side Effects of Intercourse

  • Bouncing: 7 calories
  • Sliding around: 9 calories
  • Serious Skidding: 12 calories
  • Full cartwheel: 20 calories
  • Whiplash: 27 calories
  • Knee burn: 6 calories
  • Chafed elbows: 5 calories
  • Chafed nose: 11 calories

Sex Related Noises

  • Short gasps (per gasp): 3 calories
  • Wheezing: 5 calories
  • Squeals: 4 calories
  • Ecstatic moaning: 11 calories
  • Low growling: 8 calories
  • Squishing10 calories
  • Shouting: 16 calories
  • Screaming:18 calories
  • Urgent begging: 22 calories
  • Any short speech giving directions: 25 calories

Approaching Orgasm

  • Letting go: 5.5 calories
  • Controlling yourself: 79 calories
  • Digging nails into your partner's back: 11 calories
  • Trembling: 15 calories
  • Shaking: 20 calories
  • Shuddering: 25 calories
  • Trying to keep eyes open: 33 calories

Orgasm

  • Real: 27 calories
  • Faked: 160 calories

Special Orgasms

  • Clitoral: 15 calories
  • Vaginal: 21 calories
  • Penile: 21 calories
  • Scrotile: 15 calories
  • Rectal: 25 calories
  • Oral: 30 calories

Getting Caught

  • By partner's spouse: 60 calories
  • By your spouse: 60.5 calories
  • Explaining: 165 calories
  • Stuttering: 28 calories
  • Throwing up: 40 calories

Almost Getting Caught

  • Trying to remain calm: 100 calories
  • Fright with trembling: 66 calories
  • Leaping out of bed: 25 calories
  • Getting dressed all at once: 300 calories
  • Thanking partner quickly: 2 calories
  • Jumping out of window: 15 calories by add 5 if window was closed
  • Landing: 1 calorie
  • Running fast: 50 calories

Premature Ejaculation

  • During insertion: 2 calories
  • During intercourse (2 or 3 thrusts into it): 5 calories
  • During foreplay: 3 calories
  • Immature ejaculation (when dude throws tantrum): 4 calories

Consequences of Premature Ejaculation

For Women:

  • Frustration: 8 calories
  • Anger: 15 calories
  • Violent mood swing: 20 calories
  • Suppressing rage: 25 calories
  • Not suppressing anger with cursing, twitches, etc: 65 calories

For Men:

  • Cursing: 10 calories
  • Apologizing: 3 calories
  • Snivelling: 5 calories
  • Pleading for mercy: 8 calories
  • Begging for another chance: 15 calories

Trying Again

  • If the woman is ready: 5 calories
  • If the man isn't: 156 calories

Dreaming

  • Regular dream: 2 calories
  • Wet dream: 16 calories
  • Wet dream with partner in bed: +5 calories
  • Wet dream if partner notices: +20 calories

Masturbation

  • Pure pleasure: 6 calories
  • For exercise: 10 calories
  • For relief from tension: 12 calories
  • To pass time: 7 calories
  • To avoid overeating: 16 calories
  • Get in touch with inner self: 10 calories
  • Get in touch with outter self: 10.5 calories
  • Avoid insanity: 24 calories
  • Avoid spending money on a date: 9 calories
  • Using your hand(s): 11 calories
  • Using your finger(s): 9 calories
  • Using tweezers: 2 calories
  • Using an inflatable doll: 24 calories
  • Using fruit or vegetable (be reasonable IE not melons and celery): 19 calories
  • Using hand operated vibrator: 12 calories
  • Using windup vibrator: 9 calories
  • Using electric vibrator: 5 calories
  • Using anything not mentioned here: 50 calories
  • Buy ticket in a porn theater: 2.5 calories
  • Isolated seat in a porn theater: 78 calories
  • Adjusting raincoat in a porn theater: 3 calories

So as you can see there are a number of calories that you can lose while having sex and during other sexual activities. Have fun with it.

 

Disclaimer: Please be aware that the advice in this article should in no way replace that of a licensed physician's. Consult your doctor if you are trying to lose weight so that you can find the ideal weight loss program for you.

Comments

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    • wademcmaster profile image

      wademcmaster 

      8 years ago from Australia

      This has got to be the most enjoyable way to drop some poundage!

    • lovememarryme profile image

      lovememarryme 

      8 years ago

      Good hub, don't know if all your figures are correct but do agree that good sex does make you burn calories and keep slim.

    • nicko guzman profile image

      nicko guzman 

      9 years ago from Los Angeles,CA

      Serious,but funny.Great hub.

    • Johnny London profile image

      Johnny London 

      9 years ago from SLC

      Funny Stuff! Finally, I realise why I'm so svelt!! ;-)

    • Bruce Elkin profile image

      Bruce Elkin 

      9 years ago from Victoria, BC Canada

      Great hub. I'd write more, but I'm going for a "workout". Wink, wink, nod, nod… Thanks!

    • Dottie1 profile image

      Dottie1 

      10 years ago from MA, USA

      Hilarious hub and great examples on how-to lose calories! LOL

    • blogit2050 profile image

      blogit2050 

      10 years ago from india

      real great info

    • profile image

      Ananta65 

      10 years ago

      Should have told me that before, Whitney. I was already halfway renting a tux. Just think about how many calories that has cost me *lol*

    • RyanRE profile image

      RyanRE 

      10 years ago from Bellingham, WA

      This is a hilarious Hub. Now someone just has to calculate exactly how to burn the most calories within one sexual act. It looks to me like it is... "where is it at" while lying in a phone booth and controlling yourself just before getting caught.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 

      10 years ago from Oklahoma

      I still can't find him! Great Hub Whitney!

    • Whitney05 profile imageAUTHOR

      Whitney 

      10 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks guys this one was different for me. HA

      U.W. I actually asked before I posted the hub, and was given the go ahead.

      Ananta, short speech being, words during the act giving directions or whatnot.

    • profile image

      Ananta65 

      10 years ago

      Any short speech giving directions: 25 calories

      Does that include getting out of the bed to grab a glass, tapping it and clearing your throat?

    • Uninvited Writer profile image

      Susan Keeping 

      10 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

      Are you sure this shouldn't be classified as adult? ;)

      Well done.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 

      10 years ago from California

      Hah, this is hilarious. "In traction" ROFL.

    • Ryan Hupfer profile image

      Ryan Hupfer 

      10 years ago from San Francisco, CA

    • profile image

      jupitar 

      10 years ago

      ha ha ha, that's a not cool, hot one. i'm lovin it.

    • profile image

      juan 

      10 years ago

      Wow, who would of known a fake orgasm can make her burn more calories than a real one, rofl.

      This is the best diet plan. It's the best exercise and you do lose weight lol

    • Stacie Naczelnik profile image

      Stacie Naczelnik 

      10 years ago from Seattle

      Priceless!

    • Anna Marie Bowman profile image

      Anna Marie Bowman 

      10 years ago from Florida

      A riot! Loved it!!!

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 

      10 years ago from Oklahoma

      I better get busy. I got a few pounds to lose! Crap where did my husband go?

    • Ryan Hupfer profile image

      Ryan Hupfer 

      10 years ago from San Francisco, CA

      I'd LOVE to change it...it's the girlfriend that I'm worried about convincing. :)

    • sixtyorso profile image

      Clive Fagan 

      10 years ago from South Africa

      Great hub great fun. Maybe I should change my exercise routine!

    • jimmythejock profile image

      James Paterson 

      10 years ago from Scotland

      My Idea of the perfect exercise regime lol nice one Whitney.....JIMMY

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