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Losing my Virginity Over and Over

Updated on April 3, 2016
Lost my innocence a long time ago
Lost my innocence a long time ago | Source

Doin It and Losin It

I am a virgin without a doubt. I am compulsive, I need structure, I like cleaning, I'm caring and demanding. Some people (close friends) would say I'm high maintenance, so yes, I am a virgin without a doubt. Born 26th of August 1973 I started my life as this innocent, ignorant human being, not knowing how much I would live up to the life of a real virgin, slash Virgo.

One's virginity and losing it, is a whole lot more than 'doing it' for the very first time. At least that's the way I see it. Thirteen I was when my senses seemed to notice the guys. Starting the innocent but ever so exciting games, hoping the one you liked, would hold your hand in the cinema. Darkness, a movie and my beating heart.

Bad Hygiene

Fourteen I was when I 'finally' lost my virginity. "Are you kidding me?" I thought. "Is this worth all the fuzz?" To me it was a filthy experience and far from delightful. It wasn't as romantic as in those movies I saw and most of all I can remember the smell of bad hygiene. I wasn't lucky but then again who was?

We imagine losing our virginity as something beautiful and special, waiting in vain for the wetness you need, because stress ruins everything and our young and inexperienced bodies go with a flow we don't even know how to recognize.

Hilarious Explanation of a Mother

Behind the Fence

I am so happy to be 40, knowing my body and understanding the difference between one-night stands and love. Still every now and then I keep losing my virginity for being introduced to a world I never knew before. Feeling the anxiety of that fourteen year old girl, curious to see what's behind the fence, who's going to cross my path, wondering where life will take me next.

Losing your virginity must be one of the scariest things in life, knowing you will never be the same after. Your first day at kindergarten, your first school-trip away from home, your first brace, your first kiss.

Irreversible Change

That first time my insurance doctor told me: "You are Bipolar and you will never work full-time again." The impact of his statement, the look on my dad's face sitting beside me, that shock in his eyes, that whole in my heart.

I lost the innocence of a young woman, having taken life for granted until then, being taught by life itself, what it's like to have real worries instead of having unimportant, sentimental needs. Losing your virginity is losing part of who you are, getting the chance to reinvent yourself whether you want to or not. The change is irreversible.

Amsterdam airport, June 2009. My best friends surprised me with a wonderful album full of great memories. They still mean the world to me!
Amsterdam airport, June 2009. My best friends surprised me with a wonderful album full of great memories. They still mean the world to me! | Source

What if?

I clearly remember my first day in a mental hospital, crying out loud when seeing my parents leave. I bounced the windows of that front door, shouting at them for leaving me behind. How could they? I never was the same person after. Now I know they had to lock me up, safely tucked away from the outside society.

Just like I clearly remember leaving them behind, all of us crying, along with some friends. At the airport of Amsterdam I was about to lose my virginity as an emigrant, moving to Spain. Moving to a world full of uncertainty. What if I couldn't find my way? What if I got robbed? What if I wouldn't make any friends? What if I would meet the love of my life? Questions I never really thought of. I just went and followed my road.

The Invisible Wheelchair

By travelling on my own, years before finally going to Spain, I lost my virginity as a single-woman-traveler. It made me understand how easy life in fact was. You open your world, flexibility comes in and little by little you get addicted to this enormous force you seem to have inside.

A force that pushed me into the right direction, enabling me to always trust on my instincts. A force I feel is within all of us, only to be discovered if you dare challenge yourself. After being hospitalized many times, I needed to re-socialize myself back into modern day society. I needed to challenge myself in overcoming simple fears.

That fear of being around people you don't know, the anxiety I felt when entering a room, people staring at me, my heart racing, my hands shaking, ready to paralyze my everyday life. Going to a birthday party, taking the train to a friend, doing my groceries or taking a walk through the park. I felt I had survived a car accident and I had ended up in the invisible wheelchair. How do I walk? How do I eat? How do I drink? How do I live?

What About Losing Your Virginity Today?

Do you let fear stand in the way of your inner hopes and dreams? Do you stay in your house for not having friends? Do you want to be part of this world for real?

Then what about losing your virginity today? You know by now what I mean of course. I can't hold your hand and drag you to that restaurant you like. Invite yourself, dress up, smile and close your front-door. Enjoy that dinner on your own, don't pay attention to those who pity you and go from there. Step by step.

You don't have to move to Spain like I did. Just be wild once in a while. Surprise yourself. Buy yourself a toy. Ask which one brings you most likely to heaven and back. Take the advice seriously and go back home to treat yourself instead of eating another After-eight chocolate. No one is looking. No one is judging. Just you, getting yourself into ecstasy, losing control and feeling free as a bird.

Trust me, you'll live longer and happier. It has been proven though I never participated in such a study. Honestly!

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    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      3 years ago from Valencia

      Thank you Dream On. It's for the first time in a year I guess, I'm back on Hubpages replying to comments. I lost my inspiration completely.

      It's good to see your comment here. It reminds of how much other Hubbers liked my work. I lost my enthusiasm in writing and hope to pick it back up.

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 

      3 years ago

      You bring up many interesting points and your hub is explosive. Exploring many things in life give us knowledge and happiness. Your creative energies and enthusiasm shines through. Thank you for sharing and reminding us life is not a destination but a wonderful journey.

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      4 years ago from Valencia

      Thank you Astra Nomik! Thinking outside the box is for sure one of the reasons to have written this hub.

      Women do have choices and I'm not sure if young people actually choose very carefully who should be that special person to lose their virginity. Sexual boundaries hardly exist anymore but the fact is.....your first time normally isn't so wonderful.

      Living life without being afraid of prejudice might have been one of my biggest accomplishments ever. And it's a daily test until you are no longer, having lived life to the fullest.

    • Astra Nomik profile image

      Cathy Nerujen 

      4 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

      I love the idea of losing your virginity over and over again. Some would say you only lose it once. But then things can sometimes be redefined or re-invented.

      Sometimes there are too many rules attached to things like relationships and first experiences. A lot of it has become old fashioned, and no longer applies. Other parts are just plain ignored. And I agree with that.

      Bravo and well done on thinking outside of the box. As long as there is no judgement, but also as long as the person is careful and being safe, as far as it can be done. Choosing the person to lose one's virginity to is a big step. For some women, that is one step on a long staircase, for other women... they might want it to be less longer.

      Women have choices. We all are what we are. And values and social norms are changing irrevocably.

      It is about living life and not being afraid of life and what comes along.

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      5 years ago from Valencia

      Hi Jean!

      I'm honored to be followed by you! You obviously have high quality Hubs published. I checked some of them out. You're quite a writer! I'm glad to see my advice works for you;-)

      Happy Hubbing and thanks for stopping by!

    • Jean Bakula profile image

      Jean Bakula 

      5 years ago from New Jersey

      Hi, I saw you on the Forum. I feel like I'm in a rut lately, and am going to follow some of your excellent advice (as well as follow you)!

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      5 years ago from Valencia

      Hi there Brakel2:-)

      I´m flattered by your compliments about my content and organisation in my Hubs! I do try to make the most of my Hubs which makes it impossible to produce one after the other, as some of the Hubbers do.

      I´m too much of a Virgo to write a worse Hub than the ones before:-) and I am too much of a perfectionist to write a Hub just to fill up my profile with as many Hubs as possible.

      It would be so great to meet you in person! I believe there is a moment for anything in life. If we meet I will be very glad to exchange life experiences and have lovely chats over coffee:-)

      I could learn a lot from you. Everyone we meet has something to teach us. Thank so much for reading my Hubs!

      Hugs from Brazil!

    • brakel2 profile image

      Audrey Selig 

      5 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      Hi Escobana - I do enjoy your hubs. You have a good outlook and ability to compare events in your life. I am glad you are doing fine and that you are having fun. You step forward without hesitation and take life as it happens. Many people are unable to do that these days. I wish I could meet you in person, as you are so brave and have a good heart. I will just read more hubs and keep enjoying your thoughts. Your articles have good content and organization. Take care.

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      To snigdhal

      If only my words could get you a little bit out of your comfortzone. You'll see it's worth taking some risks if you go by little steps, in order to grow into that fierce person hiding inside.

      And enjoy yourself when doing more:-)

    • snigdhal profile image

      snigdhal 

      6 years ago from hyderabad - India

      Beautiful hub . The old afraid you sounds a lot like the me now . Your hub is very inspiring . Look forward to reading more ...And doing more :).

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Thanks Services4all! Good to see you liked my views on losing my virginity:-)

    • services4all profile image

      services4all 

      6 years ago from U.S.

      I enjoyed your post. Its interesting to read about your truth.. Liked it.

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      My pleasure Gracenduta:-) Interesting nickname by the way....Have a nice day:-)

    • Gracenduta profile image

      Gracenduta 

      6 years ago from Kenya

      Thanks Escobana for sharing your experience, great hub

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Sounds very interesting indeed. I gotta see if they have this book on ebay. I'm sure it will bring a lot of inspiration with it, while reading.

      Thanks so much for the tip!

    • YadiraE profile image

      YadiraE 

      6 years ago from Puerto Rico

      It's a fascinating concept and I hadn't thought of it in conjunction with virginity loss. It very much goes hand-hand with our societal perceptions and meanings of virginity loss.If you are interested, there's a great book called "Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life" that I would recommend. Cheers!

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Hi YadiraE!

      Thanks for the lovely comment! Truly great to see how you picked up this important message. We go with the flow in many ways, not even knowing most of time what the heck it means.

      Glad you enjoyed my Hub! Was fun to write by the way:-)

    • YadiraE profile image

      YadiraE 

      6 years ago from Puerto Rico

      Fascinating interpretation of virginity loss! I especially love how you wrote about FLOW, a flow that goes underappreicated and unrecognized.

      "We imagine losing our virginity as something beautiful and special, waiting in vain for the wetness you need, because stress ruins everything and our young and inexperienced bodies go with a flow we don't even

      know how to recognize."

      I enjoyed reading your article. Thanks for posting!

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Hi Emilybee!

      Very much appreciate you stopping by here. I'm glad you enjoyed my Hub. Joy is something you need to feel at least once a day. Glad I could touch you in such a way and thanks a lot for your votes!

    • emilybee profile image

      emilybee 

      6 years ago

      I enjoyed reading this hub. You just put everything out there and said what needed to be said. I commend you for writing this and being so strong to go through some of life's not so great moments. Way to go! Voted up.

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Thanks Jeremejazz and thanks again for your follow and your great fanmail!

      Have a great day:-)

    • jeremejazz profile image

      Jereme Causing 

      6 years ago from Philippines

      Great read

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Thank you so much Rajan! I like that last prhase of your comment especially...to let go....it is key to true happiness!

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 

      6 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      escobana, this is a great write. Your hub has hit the nail right on the head. I believe each one of us must lose their virginity to get going in life and absorb so much from what life has to offer us. The main thing is to let go oneself.

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Hi Bizwin:-)

      Great to see you've taken note! Tell me about your journey once in a while...will be interesting to know what you're ride is about.

      Thanks for stopping by:-)

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Hey there barbergirl:-)

      I'm glad you kept on reading even though you had your doubts. Fear in general can be so paralyzing to living life as best as you can.

      It's normal to be afraid and it's abnormal to get out a little more like you said and experience life. The only thing is...you'll gonna love the ride and you'll feel so much more connected to life and all of its magic.

      Whatever you do in life....always ask yourself this question if you hesitate....What's the worst thing that can possibly happen if I do this or that?

      Then decide what you would like to do.

      Thanks for the compliments babe! Blessings to you...

    • bizwin profile image

      Christabel Evans 

      6 years ago from England, UK

      I hear you clearly Escobana. This is a great and interesting hub. I understand what you mean, and i've taken note. Life... here i come. Thanks for sharing.

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 

      6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      This was absolutley brilliant! I wasn't really sure what to expect when I first dived in, but truly this is about living life and not being afraid. Sadly... I think that sometimes holds me back! You have shown me that I need to get out a little more and experience life in the real! Great hub! It was just so outstanding!

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Thanks so much Caroline! It's an honor to have you as one of my followers!

      Have a beautiful day....

    • carolinemd21 profile image

      Caroline Marie 

      6 years ago

      Great hub Escobana! All your hubs are so entertaining and inspiring. Love your views on life.

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Shy indeed I am not:-) I used to be by the way. Shy, insecure and not sure where my life was going.

      That's why I embrace even more, the changes life put me through to lose some of my shyness. In my Hubs I try to be as forthcoming as possible.

      I'm glad you recognized yourself for some of it in my Hub. Thanks so much for the voting!

      Blessings to you too! Escobana

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 

      6 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      wow.. this is a great reading. You are not shy.. Lol.. you are so truthful.. and I admire you for that.this sounds like some of my life's experiences. I voted way up

      Blessing to you

      Debbie

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Hey Dexter!

      Always a pleasure to read your comments...You spoil me with your sweet words and it really makes my day, knowing you enjoy my way of sharing my wisdom.

      You're welcome! And thanks so much!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image

      Dexter Yarbrough 

      6 years ago from United States

      Hi Escobana! What I really like about you is your exceptionally superior way of getting your points across via your own life experiences. As such, the wisdom you give penetrates the soul and is oh, so edifying!

      Thank you! Yes, thank you!

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Hi Nell Rose!

      We SHOULD get out there and do it! We just got one life to live and we'd better make the most of it. The wonders of new adventures in life are so extremely exciting to experience.

      I'm sure I'm still a virgin in so many ways...even though I don't look that innocent anymore:-)

      Thanks for stopping by Nell...means a lot to me....

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Hey Sueswan:-)

      Thanks for stopping by dear! After eight chocolates indeed are very delicious. If this will get you into ecstacy you'll be as happy as one can be right?

      Thanks for voting and enjoying my Hub:-)

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Imkarn23!

      Thanks so much for your wonderful comment. Isn't it great to feel so young and fresh? Hope you'll keep on losing your virginity in every sense of the way:-)

      Thanks for all the votes and tweets!

    • profile image

      Sueswan 

      6 years ago

      Hi Escobana

      "Take the advice seriously and go back home to treat yourself instead of eating another After-eight chocolate. No one is looking. No one is judging. Just you, getting yourself into ecstasy."

      I think it would be better with the chocolate. ;-)

      A beautiful and enlightening hub.

      Voted up and away!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      6 years ago from England

      Hi, what a beautiful message, I never thought of it in that way before, being a virgin over so many things, we should get out there and do it! great stuff! cheers nell

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 

      6 years ago

      Really, really enjoyed this Escobana! Unique angle and great advice. I intend on losing my virginity today..and tomorrow..I feel younger already! Thanks! UpandAwesomeandTweeted!

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      To DFiduccia,

      Thanks for stopping by and leaving your compliment. Always appreciate it!

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Thanks WD Curry! Just how it was meant to be. Live a little...it wouldn't hurt any of us:-)

    • DFiduccia profile image

      DFiduccia 

      6 years ago from Las Vegas

      Candid and beautiful!

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 

      6 years ago from Space Coast

      I had fun reading this, but there is a serious side. Why act like an old maid? Live a little . . . take a chance. Don't go overboard, though.

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Interesting comment Ian:-)

      I'm happy you liked to read my Hub. The enjoyment should be an experience for women AND men. Everyone in his or her own way of course.

      So same here....enjoy!

    • Escobana profile imageAUTHOR

      Escobana 

      6 years ago from Valencia

      Dear Billybuc,

      Thanks for your lovely comment! I'm glad you really liked it:-)

    • Ian Dabasori Hetr profile image

      Ian D Hetri 

      6 years ago from Papua New Guinea

      Inspiring hub. I love the way you described your experience..Some even sounds hot..lolz

      Enjoy

      Ian

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      6 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beautifully written and a message that needs to be heard by countless others. I applaud you for "losing your virginity" and for being willing to open up your heart so that others can learn.

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