Lost Sight and Unhappiness

I was just evaluating my friends, acquaintances and family. And believe me not in a judgmental way. My house is made of flimsy glass. So casting stones is a bad idea. No, I was evaluating direct correlations of wealth and happy. To be sure here I use the word correlation and not causation as a base. Cause is different. Happy cannot be caused. It is an inside job.

Hate is an inside thing also. I have read lately that there is a disorder caused by outside facts. Like anxiety, depression and hate. I just cannot buy into that. No. If it is a real disorder it is caused by chemical biologic issues. Being depressed because your brother died is not the disorder of depression. It is healthy grief – unless it remains for years. But that tells us your disorder is not “caused by”.

The notion from above is a claim that because there is a person in authority who you cannot stand then that causes a disorder. That would be fallacious. If the negative feelings and emotions are still there after a year it is not on the person in authority. It tells us that there is an underlying disorder that was triggered by an event. If someone in a normal space suggests that this could be a PTSD issue that is dishonoring those who have truly faced a real traumatic injury and not simply disliking someone. We are not talking about college students who in the face of events need a safe place to nurture their disorder.

Long ago I was sitting in my office interviewing a prospective client on a work related issue. He laid it all out and it was clear he had been a victim of racial discrimination. He clearly thought it was because a gal that did not like him because he was so much better at his job, was sleeping with the supervisor. Strange that in reviewing we found out of about 100 employees the only minorities had been fired.

The client just plain did not perceive of himself as a black man. He, though discriminated against, just did not assume it was because of race. Somehow he looked in the mirror and saw a man, not a black man. His hard road to success was never cheapened by being a victim. This was about 1983. And he was about fifty then. That would make him a black man in the 1940s to 1950s. Yikes!

I was an adopted of some questionable pedigree boy. Back when adoption was no badge of honor. I was so loved by my family the thought of this being an impediment in my life never got traction. I looked in the mirror and knew I was the luckiest bastard that ever lived. I think it made me more scrappy and gave me a need to succeed whatever the heck that means. A gift or a curse? Maybe we should treat those impostors just the same.

So if I got an F in a class in school would I become clinically depressed and blame the teacher? If my favorite team has horrible losing seasons? If a politician beats my favorite? If I am fat and ugly? Perhaps I could get a second favorite team. Perhaps I could sign up to help my favorite politician. Maybe I could work out 4 days a week and cut out processed foods and added sugars. And just maybe I could start looking in the mirror and see the best in me.

We lose sight. Really lose sight. My boy sees all kinds of near mocroscopic things as we go for our daily walk about and wave to neighbors. And play the I spy with my little eye game. I am just jaded and only see in the macro. I have lost sight of the micro. (partly my farsightedness) I know folks and we even see them on our walks, that have lost sight of love and happy. They no longer see it all around them. They only see the micro and macro depressing things. Beautiful Fall colors are now dying trees.

Here is one for you. I have lost a lot of weight. But some of it was decreasing muscle mass. Muscles weigh a lot more than fat. So now I am in a mode of gaining muscle back while still on a strict and fun and healthy under 1600 calorie choice with a 3,000 calorie burn rate. And I only lost 1lb in the past week. So it is not all that great for me. But it is great because I love the exercise and food. A sometimes forgotten fact here is that you can go all way organic and tasty which costs much more – but hey you are eating less and so hip hip hooray you are spending less. Really cool it reminds me of when I cut booze out of my everyday habit. The money savings were awesome.

Here is a happy for you. It is very hot these days. I am a salt lover, not so good. But if I get out and exercise in the heat I sweat enough to make salt ok for my health. That is cool or maybe hot?

I have lost sight of my passions so many times I cannot count. But by the grace of God, I suppose I always get them back. That black client called me up just the other day, maybe 90 years old. He wanted me to get into this anti-slavery movement. The idea is that welfare is slavery in a tricky psycho way that passes by most folk. Kind of a sad take. But hey back to the beginning I am a slave to my happiness. You could call it hedonistic. But at times I lose sight. I start to care about what has passed. I focus on yesterday and fret about tomorrow. I am blinded. Cooking and eating the meal passes without happiness about what I am fond of.

Now if you have never done it don’t. I am hanging some drywall and taping and mudding the joints in a ceiling in my house. It is freaking brutal work above your head for hours. But I become a perfectionist and a Michael Angelo on the Sisteen chapel. The finished product is not even noticed by my wife she just expects it to pass muster. But I sit on the couch and marvel at the artistry. I get all happy. So like sweating it out outside. We here just love the finished product and get happy.

Did you know that extreme heat creates the devils playground of water fights? I am going to kill that kid this evening, die dark force die!

Well to tell the truth I lost sight of negative. Makes many folks around me question my sanity in the wake of and “suffering” of cancer. Really?! I am so pampered, check this out; I get a health coach, oncology yoga, exercise class, nutritionist and these cool oncology therapists. All for free. Maybe we are guinea pigs, who cares. With love capping it all off. I am just totally blind to the negative.

I relish some of my blindness. I am the happiest blind man I know. Join me and turn a deaf ear and no sight to unhappy. Be happy. Love ya.