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Love to be Bipolar! From Isolation to Success.

Updated on March 14, 2018

What to know first?

From very ill to world traveler
From very ill to world traveler | Source

When You're Not Ashamed Anymore

Just so you know....I really love to be Bipolar. It gave me the opportunity to find out all about me. Since there is so much information about Bipolar Disorder and its symptoms, nothing would be more boring than telling you the same.

I tried to kill myself in 1999. A long time ago when I was at the top of of my maniacal stages. I suffered from psychoses, I hallucinated strongly and I hadn't slept for weeks. I traveled around Holland for months, living like a millionaire without actual money, risking my life numerous times and had unsafe sex with several men. It´s a wonder I never got any STD.

I'm not proud of what I did. In fact, it took me more than eight years to recover from all that guilt and so much shame. I carried those two negative emotions with me for years. It paralyzed my life for the longest time.Thanks to intensive therapy, good medication and a drastic change in life patterns, I feel stronger and more stable than ever.

I love to be Bipolar because of all the maniacal stages I have experienced. They were very addictive at the time because of the immense power it fills you with. You feel so overwhelmed by new talents, creative thoughts and the intense feeling of being in total control of anything.

At least that's what you think! I lost complete and utter control over my life. I could have easily grown old in a mental hospital with the rest of my fellow companions. After being hospitalized for the third time against my will, one smart psychiatrist gave me the most important message. It changed my life.

He told me I'm the kind of person to always know better. If I didn't change anything drastically, I would die before the age of 30. Stubborn people with Bipolar Disorder suffer more. They think they can do without medication and therefor spend their lives in and out of mental hospitals.

I was shocked by his upfront way of telling me this but at the same time I knew he was right. I am stubborn and I did hate my medication. Now I call them my candies. I take Carbamazepine and Seroquel. After the hell I've been through with Lithium and Risperdal, I can honestly say that I haven't felt this good and SANE in years.

In 1999 I ended up in isolation for a week. I lost everything in there. My self esteem was shattered, my character had been erased and I went through a long and horrible depression for years. I had to learn everything all over again. How to do groceries, how to behave at a party, how to buy a train ticket and how to take care of myself.

I'm proud to say that I'm Bipolar and I'm far from that unhappy person I once was. I challenged myself in every kind of a way and decided to move to another country in 2009. Bipolar people can do great things when they're stable!

I moved from Holland to Spain, started my life all over again and tried to conquer my biggest fear. The fear of being on my own. Step by step I learned how to enjoy my freedom, traveled around the world and gained new strength. This time my strength came from inside. Not from a dangerous, uncontrollable state of mind.

I was diagnosed at the age of 23. My Bipolar Career started early on but I found my way back, through all the prejudices and harsh opinions of others. Life is a challenge but thanks to my Bipolar Disorder, I learned to live, life to the fullest. Every day is a gift, thanks to the worst period in my life. I finally managed to become a better person.

I appreciate life more than ever and wish for anyone with Bipolar Disorder to find the same joy in life, as I have found. It hasn't been easy to get here, but I believe anyone is capable of living a satisfying life with Bipolar Disorder.

Remember this: Life's a gift....


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