Malarkey

 n. Slang.

Exaggerated or foolish talk, usually intended to deceive: "snookered by a lot of malarkey" (New Republic).

Or, also known as, my grandmother's favorite word. Which was her way of saying "Bulls&%t!"

You have to admit that there is nothing better than hearing/ or reading the malarky that passes through sometimes. Talk about good comic relief. Professional writers couldn't make up some of the fertilizer being broadcast by a chosen few. I've heard some pretty good ones, and I'm sure, I have had many malarkey moments.

Somehow we just keep our mouths shut, and allow the person to keep on speaking with all the ferver of a hybrid cross of a used car salesman, lawyer, and auctioneer. Many of these wonderful bits of malarkey are greater than any tall-tale spun in American folklore. Yet, many are as memorable and  as humorous as the Archie Bunker toilet (or 'turlet', as Archie used to say) flush.  

Some of my favorite pieces of  malarkey were found in jail... I'm not talking about the usual stuff you hear in there, but the really interesting bits of malarkey. Granted I am giving all of you the "Reader's Digest versions," but I think you'll get the gist. 

First, a guy simply known as "Shakey."

"Shakey" was this little guy, probably around 55 year of age, called Shakey for reasons made obvious, because he shook like a mexican hairless in a cold Montana night. Anyway "Shakey" was allegedly charged with "loitering and stalking."

Now, how is the hell do you loiter and stalk at the same time? Aren't both completely opposite of each other?

Next is my all time favorite...the saga of Jerry "the Rocket-Man."

*Reminder* this is his story and not no one could really confrim it.

Here is a guy who has a commerical signal flare gun inside his jacket, while in a drunken moment in a bar, he pulls an airhorn out of his coat pocket and blasts it twice. Then asks, "Hey, has anyone ever seen a rocket laucher before?" Then proceeds to pull this "rocket launcher" from inside his jacket and show it to the bar.

Folks are parting through the exits, like the Red Sea parting for Moses.

Of course, the cops come and "jailarity happens."

Also, when I was being held in jail for 3 months, after having my bond revoked last year for those 2 DUIs in 16 days. My offical charges I was being held on was "contempt of court, refused to testify."

Absolutely glorious malarkey.