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Miscarriage: Why did I lose my Baby? What Went Wrong

Updated on September 6, 2009

Why me?

I wanted this baby, other women who didn’t care or didn’t want them have had babies, why not me?

Unfortunately, you are not alone many women suffer miscarriages.  The trouble is that it’s like talking about death and sex together, they are “taboo” subjects.  People are afraid to talk about them in case they cause distress.

In a lot of cases miscarriage is not even suspected, women think that their period is just late and heavy.

Why was nothing done?

It is considered that as many as 1 in 5 of all pregnancies are grossly abnormal and are miscarried at about the time of the first period. It is only in very rare cases that intervention would actually lead to the birth of a healthy baby.

Investigations are not normally started until after the third miscarriage. This shows that the doctors are confident that this miscarriage is a one-off and not caused by any underlying infertility problems.

In the past women who had previously miscarried were given synthetic hormone injections, but there has been evidence that this is ineffective and can cause problems for the baby later in life especially for female babies. However, new research has indicated that natural hormone supplements do not cause this problem

What went Wrong?

The development of a single cell into a baby is very complex, and many things can go wrong, most of which are not understood.

Soon after conception the cells start to differentiate into four groups, 1) the amnionic sac, 2) the yolk  (which the baby uses to make his blood), 3) the placenta, and 4) the embryo.  It is thought that up to 1 in 6 miscarriages are caused by the embryo failing to develop at all.  This is termed a blighted ovum, and is believed to be caused by the ovum being fertilised by an abnormal sperm.

In development, the formation of one organ is often dependent upon another organ being in place and certain conditions prevailing.  If you take the example of creating a heart, the embryo needs to “know” where its left & right , its top & bottom and its inside & out are.

The order of development is determined by control genes.  These genes need to be ‘turned on and off’ at specific points during development, which is usually done through the use of hormones. If one gene is not switched on then the organ that is to be formed is not created, this may create a domino effect. If the pregnancy was sustained the baby would be born malformed and be incapable of living a separate life.

As part of evolution, nature takes its course and the pregnancy is terminated before the mother invests too much time and energy on a pregnancy that is doomed to fail.

The Doctors had no feelings

Miscarriage is a sad fact of life, but as it is not talked about, the numbers of miscarriages are not realised by most people.  A doctor has probably seen many such cases, each one as upsetting as the previous.  His clinical approach reflects this, together with the knowledge that the next pregnancy will probably work out fine.

Why do I feel so Bad?

You have lost a baby, and just like a close friend or relative dying, you need to grieve. The death of an elderly person is expected and easily accepted, but the shock of an unexpected death of a baby is compounded by expectations of the baby’s future development and achievements. Guilt and anger are normal processes of grieving and should be vented, it’s good to talk.

This grief, combined with a drop in the “happy hormone”, progesterone, produces a very deep sense of loss.  To help ease the grief there are miscarriage support groups full of people who have experienced miscarriage.  However, you will probably never forget your lost baby, but the sense of loss will subside over time, especially after hormones have levelled out.

The first miscarriage is often the worst, especially if you have not already had a baby.  Once pregnant you believe that your body will continue with it as it ought.  The shock of something going wrong, and the thought that your body is incapable of doing something that is natural, is quite considerable.  I believe this is underestimated by the clinicians.  This is most likely due to the fact that your body is not likely to be at fault, just the mechanics of the development of this particular embryo.

Did I do anything wrong?

This is most unlikely, especially if you consider the number of babies born during drought and famine; also the number of unwanted pregnancies that continue despite all attempts to terminate them.

Although extra rest in early pregnancy is advised, it is not always necessary. A number of women who do not realise that they are pregnant carry on as normal, lifting and carrying, eating foods that are not recommended, and yet still give birth to healthy babies.

PS: Quitting Smoking

Since originally writing the contents of this hub, there has been other studies on the effects of quitting smoking while pregnant.

Although it is recognised that it is best not to smoke while pregnant, a link between suddenly stopping smoking and early miscarriage has been found. My view is that early pregnancy puts pressure and strain on the body, and when compressed with the stress and strain of suddenly stopping smoking is just too much for the body to cope with and gets rid of one of the pressures.

If I was a smoker who became pregnant, I would cut my smoking by half in the first few months and then look to reduce it further, with a view to stopping, gradually. e.g. reduce intake by one cigarette every couple of days.

These studies were borne out by my friend. When she fell pregnant with her first child, she was working and didn't change too many things until well into her pregnancy. She had her baby and then she kept getting pregnant, gave up smoking, had a miscarriage which then made her go back to smoking. On her last pregnancy, she took the view that she was going to lose the baby anyway, so why give up now? Once she got past the 16 week mark, she quit over the next couple of weeks and now has her second child. During the time she was trying for a second child, they went through various tests and examinations and nothing out of the ordinary was found.


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    • profile image


      4 years ago


    • profile image


      6 years ago

      I lost another baby this time the babydied in my stomach at sixteen weeks and they told meto come back on a monday baby died on a friday I had to go somewere else im sad

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I'm 16 and I lost a baby at 4-6 weeks. It was underdeveloped but did show up on a test. My doctor played it off like I was never pregnant. That was 2 months ago. My grandma found out a long time ago and just now told me. I'm really heart broken

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I had a miscarriage in Dec.'10. I did not know i was pregnant until i was spotting and was losing the pregnancy.I am still sad and think of that baby every day, nothing can erase this pain i am going through.To everyone who had miscarriages i know what you are going through and will pray for everyone.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I lost my first child a week ago after being five months pregnant, was induced into labour has my hild was diagnosed with a bladder problem and he would not survive the full term, i am completely broken, and have no fly support an i feel my partner chooses not to know or grieve. I need help!!!!I don't think i can cope any longer, i just want my baby back...... Isn't there a god above?????

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      my husband and i lost our baby over a year ago and i am ruined i still dry everyday i feel like im never going to be the same my husband is a marine and we live away from our family and i feel like i don't have anybody but i really need help

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      i had my first miscarriage today and i am so sad. i have one 2 1/2 year old son but i wanted another bby so bad. i don't know wat to do. should i try again or should i just stop. Planned parenthood told me i was due feb 17 but the e.r. ultrasound said jan 25. i didn't know i was pregnant until about a week soo said advice please!!!!!

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      My auntie has just lost her baby , she had a rare problem that split the womb in two pieces with a thin piece of skin, she had two ops to put it into one . She got pregnant and was 21weeks in,all had been fine and suddenly just earliertoday she had cramps, she lost the baby inside and is still in laybour at the moment, I feel so sorry and I wanted to know why she has had to miscarage at 21 weeks

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Thank you very much for the info (:

    • RicherR profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from England, Essex

      I initially wrote this piece a long while ago, and I can't remember where I found this (it may have been in a 'Pregnancy' book). What I remember of the issue was that it affected the future fertility of the baby, especially girls.

      This was bourne out as a friend of mine was given hormone injections to help her concieve and her daughter, who was concieved as a result, is sterile. Another daughter that she had, who was concieved naturally, has got a beautiful bouncing baby.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      "In the past women who had previously miscarried were given synthetic hormone injections, but there has been evidence that this is ineffective and can cause problems for the baby later in life especially for female babies."

      I've been looking for information about the effects of hormone supplements on babies and this bit in your article is the only mention I've found of them so far. Do you have any other information about how they affect the baby?


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